Wednesday

Hey all. Those of you who read by rss, do not despair, we don't know what the problem is right now but it's being dealt with. Sorry about the hassle of having to click to the actual website, but sometimes its good to expand your horizons. You know, get out of your comfort zones and really face life. You know, Face to Face. All John Woo style.

So much squirrels!

Nerdy Asian girl: No, the squirrels are totally different here. Its like they're on a new strain of crack!

-eng quad, heard by narcoticsanonymous


I don't have a habit of agreeing with sorority girls but...

Sorostitute: Upper classmen doing the walk of shame from north campus...now that is just plain funny.

-ho plaza, heard by lj


Kids, seriously. Use protection.

Girl on cell: I mean if I was a freshman I would've been all over him, but I'm not anymore and it sucks. Now I'm all paranoid about diseases and stuff and I can't just do whatever I want I actually have to think about things.

-engineering quad, heard by gladimnotoneofthose


DU! DU! DU!

Girl: Wait, is he in DU?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: I have to meet him!

-collegetown bagel patio, heard by the ear


Rofl

Girl: I dont type lol. I just laugh.

-collegetown bagel, heard by xcutterboix


Oh baby you look so good!

Guy: Oh those cinnamon things look so good!
Girl: You're so good! {long pause}
Girl: Yea sometimes these things just come out of my mouth...

-ho plaza, heard by anonymous


C- in Gender Studies

Guy: So male and female...are those races?

-d soc class, heard by

Submit!
overheardatcornell@gmail.com
-the ear

Computer back, Sun resolved, everyone jubilantly happy

If I have learned one thing from not having a computer for a week, it is that I am sickeningly dependent on the thing. But now overheard is back, and with a vengeance. I promise this long a hiatus will not occur again (precluding all catastrophic computer meltdowns). Oh, and the problem with the sun is no longer a problem but a joyous solution. What's going to happen is that we're going to send Monika the best overheards from the week, and she's going to use a mix of ours and hers, and then reference this little blog at the end of the article. Dope solution, n'est-ce pas? Ok, lets get into em. There are a ton.

No no! Don't put that there!!! Just think WWJD!

Hip christian asian girl: He didn't DO it though did he?
Hip christian asian boy: Yeah, he did. he's so stupid.
Hip christian asian girl: I know. I mean, hasn't he taken sex ed before? Doesn't he KNOW where babies come from?

-outside uris, heard by thedoppleganger


True friendship means jumping on a vietcong grenade

Some guy: I talk about you behind your back because I'm your friend and I certainly hope that you do the same for me.

bebe lake bridge, heard by icertainlydothatformyfriends


*sigh*. If only.

Guy: So at this Texas Game Ranch, they release Emos and you shoot at them... I mean Emus.

-anthro class, heard by pace


A True Man

Real Drunk Guy with pink hat: You guys should totally use chop sticks,
it's so pussy not to.
Hippie: (light-heartedly) We're trying to save some trees
Pink Hat: Do you have any idea how many geese I killed today? 12.

-miyake, heard by hearing aid


Um...

Orgo Prof: We have partial superimposability of molecules, it's like being partially pregnant!

-baker 200, heard by opakapaka


Ok, technically not a Cornell student, but still hilarious

Hobo (gesturing to trash can): I was right! There's definitely a big hole in this thing!

-linden ave., heard by dek


DU! DU! DU!

Drunk guy: I could totally take on that tree, just level it.
Drunk girl: I think the tree would win.
Drunk guy: No, really, I think I could take it down.

-outside du, heard by kimothy


Hey! I walk on that quad!

Freshman guy 1: Hey dude... how many guys do you think have whipped out their balls in the middle of the quad?
Freshman guy 2: Uhh I don't know
Freshman guy 1: Cuz I just did!!!

-arts quad, heard by ann


Somewhere, a fairy dropped dead

Girl #1: ...but I don't want to look fake.
Girl #2: Well looking a little fake is normal because I mean it's normal to get plastic surgery.

-cascadeli terrace, heard by godspeakstomeontheradio


Slut

Girl: I mean, I agreed to play beer pong with him, but we're not like, dating!

-vet quad, heard by liza


Thank God for Vomiting

Girl 1 arrives at table with yogurt.
Thin Girl 2, though a mouthful of brownie: Yogurt is so fattening.

-trillium, heard by sff


I blame society

Girl: Why are we so bad at conversation?
Guy: We have to, like... like... like, I don't know.

-libe cafe, heard by sff

Thanks for putting up with the overheard-free week, and keep submitting!
Love,
the ear
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Crud

Well, my computer has just bitten the dust, so Im here in the library computer lab updating overheard. Hopefully the fix will come soon, but until then, updates may be very sporadic at best. But please, please continue submitting. I will try to sign on again tomorrow, and check things out. Also, w/ regards to the Sun, tomorrow the issue may be resolved, or it may not. We'll see. Cross your fingers, kids.

Clearly a classics major

Freshman girl: I think they should like, abolish the letters delta, epsilon, and alpha and just give frats names. Otherwise it's too confusing. like, that frat should be called the "red house frat" or something...

-arts quad, heard by twombly


A man amongst men

Guy: I had sex in the hockey line. It was awesome.

-arts quad, heard by anonymous


What would happen if she was still there?

Guy (dials into cell phone): Hey man, so I just saw something incredible and I needed to call you. This girl just walked by, and she had some GIGANTIC KNOCKERS!...no, she's gone now.

-arts quad, heard by blah


Sleazy and Horny, however, didn't make the cut

Hot Truck Guy: So I have a question for you. We're trying to think of all the seven dwarfs and we only have five so far. We have Happy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc, and Sneezy. Do you know the other two?
Drunk Girl #1: Oh yeah, I've got this. I'm SO sober right now. Ok, so Happy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc, Sneezy, and... SNOOPY!
Other Drunk Girls: *cheer excitedly*
Drunk Girl #2: OOH! And the last one is... HUMPY! YESSSSS!
Other Drunk Girls: *cheering* Yeah, she got it! Woo!
Drunk Girl #1: Ooh, Humpy's getting some action tonight!

-hot truck, heard by alc


So much slugs!

Asian Girl: Dude, why do we have so much slugs?

-college ave., heard by rv


Sure it was the car, Romeo

Dudebro: I asked him to use his car this morning and he just came down in his boxers and pulled it out....the car! I mean he pulled out the car!

-uris, heard by rv


How exactly is this done?

Girl: Well, I guess I'll just pretend to hook up with him.

-unknown location, heard by slg

submit submit submit!
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Weekend Winddown

We lost internet this weekend, but we're back and with a vengeance. Keep submitting, its the only way we'll every be happy.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Cornell boys on: Fitness

Dudebro: Dude. Girls don't fuck guys who are fours on the fitness scale. They want guys who are fitness TENS.

-college ave., heard by rv


Cornell boys on: Dating

Guy on Cell: ... you have to find someone who has already blacked out to strap it on to.

-buffalo st., heard by anonymous


Cornell boys on: Marriage

Hick: My mom always said that marrying your high school sweetheart is like buying something at a 7-11 before going to the Super Wal Mart.

-in a dsoc class, heard by superfan


Cornell girls on: Work Ethic

Girl: I think you can take classes pass/fail as long as they're not for your major or anything. I might take science pass/fail. And maybe math too...no, then I'll seem like a slacker.

-tower rd., heard by ned


Cornell girls on: Standards

Girl 1: So, I bought this new outfit the other day... I gave it to my roommate to try on cause I wasn't sure if I liked how it looked or not. But I do.
Girl 2: Why weren't you sure?
Girl 1: Well, my roommate is like 4'11'' and it looks good on her but I'm way taller and it looks really skanky on me.
Girl 2: How skanky?
Girl 1: Pretty skanky, but I'm going to wear it tonight anyway.

-bailey hall, heard by mobius


Cornell girls on: Dieting

Girl 1: So what diet are you doing this semester? low-carb?
Girl 2: No low-carb was last term. I'm just cutting portions this term. [To
barrista] Could I get a large mocha with whipped cream?
Girl 1: I thought you just said you were cutting portions?
Girl 2: I am. but the coffee is like caffeinated water here, so it doesn't
count. Besides, it speeds up your metabolism or something so it'll
come out faster. It's not how fast it comes in, it's how fast it come
out.

-trillium express, heard by skeetskeet


Cornell girls on: Directions

Drunk Girl: There's so many people and I need to tell you this... I'm like so confused right now I'm in the wrong parking lot. I like always go down the same staircase every night and it takes me to the parking lot but now I'm not there and I'm so confused. I went down like 6 staircases and I kept ending up in parking lots and I couldnt find it... DKE I'm trying to go to DKE tonight. Yeah its like the best place to go this time of night... You know J_____?? I LOVE J_____!! He wears like the bestest sweaters, pulls, fabrics!!!!

-libe slope, heard by demily


Cornell girls on: Sex

Girl: Don't go in there! That bed has Herpes!

-deleware ave, heard by morrow


Cornellians on: Romance

Guy: [in seductive voice] I have beer down my pants.
Girl: [embracing guy] I have beer all over my pants too. And that's awesome!

-statler, heard by morrow

Woah, those ones were great. Way to be guys.
-the ear

PS- Intrigue with the Sun continues. I approached Monika at a Daze party and told her to call me. She already had my number, so here's hoping she actually does it this week. It's clear that the higher ups at the Sun (both Daze editor Elliot and managing editor Michael) are acting out of the best intentions and want to see this resolved. So it's all on her. And we're all so sick of this, that if Thursday publishes again with no change, well then my lovelies, the gloves are off.

30 updates and going strong!

Just a couple today. We've seen a drastic decrease in submissions of late. So remember: hear stupid thing, write email, grab 15 seconds.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Mad TV isn't even all that funny

Bro: Nah dude, they ALL sound like Miss Swan.

-the slope, heard by lillers


awe•some: 1. adj. Inspiring awe: an awesome sight

Bro #1: The other night I got so drunk ... I went on facebook and started
messing around and had no idea what was I was doing ... and I wrote on my
own wall.
Bro #2: Dude, that's awesome.

-wsh, heard by herbstie

Submit!
-the ear

Resolved! And new overheard!

Good news: Sunday night I talked to the Sun's managing editor, Michael Morisy, about this whole conflagration. We're not exaclty sure what the extent of the solution is going to be, but the end result is certainly going to be positive, at the very least being the referencing of our site in the Sun, but in all likelihood, involving some sort of RSS feed through the sun and some more involved, well, involvement.
Thanks to all who wrote in support, its great to know there are so many of you out there. Thanks for reading and being loyal, we can finally get back to the business at hand: questioning the sanity of the average Cornellian.
Without further ado:


Clearly not a doctor

Guy on cell: I don't know man, I can't see how much you're bleeding so I can't help you there.

-collegetown, heard by the kgb


Finally, freshmen sounding intelligent

Girl 1: Shit.
Girl 2: Precisely.
Girl 1: Shit.
Girl 2: Punch!

-balch arch, heard by anonymous


Finally, freshmen sounding motivated

Guy 1 [talking about the lowrises]: We have a big screen TV but it sucks balls.
Guy 2: What? We only have a little TV.
Guy 1: Yeah, it sucks balls. The remote is, like, chained to the TV, so you can't even change channels from your seat! You actually have to get up to change the channel.

-tcat, heard by notquitethatlazy

Thanks again folks. Truth reigns supreme.
-the ear

Been too long

So not only did the Sun not publish the letter (sent Tuesday) but 'Overheard: Eavesdroppers Welcome' published again with nary nod nor mention to this little blog. In any case, now we're sending an email to Monika herself, in the hopes that something rectifies this problem. If, however, we see three weeks without any mention, change or improvement?
I don't know. I don't even know.

Anyway, it's been a long while and we've got a ton of good uns. Check it out:


And they say our generation's not involved

Girl A: That's so leftist.
Girl B: Wait, which is left and which is right? Is democrat left or right?
A: Democrat is left...no...uh...no, wait, right. Yeah, they're right.
B: Yeah.
A: I always remember 'Democrats are right'. Republicans are wrong.
B: Haha, that's so bad.
A: Oh my god they are so dumb.
B: Hey--my mom is a republican.
A: Ha. It's OK, I'm sure she's centrist.

-class, heard by anonymous


Seinfeld is never a good sign

Girl #1: So did you hook up with that guy last night?
Girl #2: Yeah, but for some reason it reminded me of that Seinfeld episode about the woman who couldn't move her arms when she walked.

-engineering quad, heard by keds


I think he wins hands down

Drunk Guy 1: YEAH, Eli Manning is my dawgg.
Drunk Guy 2: Yeahh dude Eli Manning is the shit, he's gonna be better than his brother.
Drunk Guy 3: OH YEAH? WELL ELI WHITNEY IS MY HOMEBOY, HE INVENTED THE COTTON GIN, WHAT NOW?

-eddy st., heard by areyoufuckingkiddingme


Or maybe I'm just really drunk

Dudebro: So yeah, I have these dreams where I'm beating people up...I always wake up tired.

-libe slope, heard by twombly


I mean, yeah, but Jesus Christ.

Girl1: I have my final in Hollister. Where is that?
Girl2: Hollister? Isn't that a store?

-dorms, heard by foxy lady


Some context was provided, but ignoring it makes this EVEN FUNNIER

Student gluing letters: Oh no! The "E" is eating my colon!

-bulletin board, heard by foxy lady


College is confusing

Indian freshman girl: Hey, do you ever get invited to events for non-white people? Because I do all the time. I don't know what to do about it.

-ag quad, heard by the ear


Damn my erstwhile childhood!

Kid on cell: I would've been fluent in like 5 more languages if I had stuck with Muzzy!

-ho plaza, heard by benji


Reading this one makes you dumber

Girl 1: I'm going to New York City next spring.
Girl 2: Oh, for like, study abroad?

-vet quad, heard by liza


Ok, we received this one about two weeks ago and agreed it was totally fake, because everyone in it was too self-aware. But, after talking with the provider of the quote, we've been convinced of it's truth. Enjoy:
Crash

Freshman - Hey! Do you have a bandaid?
Sorority gal 1- What? Why would I have a bandaid
Freshman - Because you have a purse and my friend is bleeding
Sorority gal 2- Listen, we're [sorority name removed due to polite request], we have condoms in our purses, not bandaids
Freshman - Well my friend is losing blood
Sorority gal 1- Oh my god! Somebody call the hospital
Sorority gal 2- Quick! Does anybody have a sock? Seriously, we need to
stop the bleeding!
Sorority gal 1- Does anyone have a sock? Hey! Can we have your sock!
Gentleman- No
Sorority gal 1- Listen! Give us your sock asshole! This freshman is
losing blood!
Gentleman- No, it's my sock

-eddy st., heard by taranto


So kind

Enthusiastic Girl: No no, since "Butt-Ugly" is kinda mean, to be nice, you just say "Butt"

-ho plaza, heard by djbj


Wow.

Jappy girl: Hey, um..what IS this?

-SKORTON INAUGURATION, heard by areyoufuckingkiddingme?


Describing breakfast at Trillium

Frat head- Dude, this is so much better! They have, like, eggs and shit!

-trillium, heard by anonymous


Phew! Keep sending in your overheards, and if you have any advise/inside info on the sun thing, don't hesitate to contact.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Sun Update

Hi everyone.
Here is a copy of the letter that I sent to the sun. As you can see, I tried to give a small slap on the wrist to the Sun, but then suggested pleasantly that we colaborate. I hope they publish the letter, but even if they don't, hopefully they will take some of the suggestions. I don't think this should be an issue, I've heard from multiple sources that Monika is a lovely girl, and I have no intention to make this a real problem for the sun or for her. How dope would it be if the blog was just straight up represented in the sun? It would be particularly dope.
-the ear

Hello,
I’m writing in response to a story published last Thursday entitled “Overheard: Eavesdroppers Welcome” by Monika Derrien. I manage a blog called Overheard at Cornell (http://overheardatcornell.blogspot.com) which has existed since April of 2006. Our idea was very simple, we took the format of the website Overheard in New York City and applied it to Cornell. So I was surprised, to say the least, when Monika’s article was brought to my attention, as it followed almost exactly the same format and content of my blog. While it is entirely possible that both of us came up with the idea independently, and no actual content was taken from my site, there are certain similarities I found disconcerting, particularly the email addresses (ours is overheardatcornell@gmail.com, hers overheard.cornell@gmail.com).
I know that it is not a huge conceptual leap to transpose the idea from New York City to Cornell, but when I started my blog I contacted Overheard in NYC, and made reference to it all over my page. The same was not done for me, and while this is certainly small intellectual property, I have put a lot of time and effort into maintaining this blog, and it was very frustrating to see this impinged upon.
This letter is not intended, however, to be accusatory or defamatory. It is instead intended as a proposal. Since we would otherwise be competing for a limited amount of content and readership, we should collaborate. At the very least, I think it would be more than appropriate to have my site referenced at the bottom of the article. But why not go much further? We could share a submissions base, and have the article include (but not be limited to) the best quotes of the week from the website. If Monika’s intent is indeed entertainment (as mine is), the website could end up being an archive and extension of her article. This would bring more readership and more submissions (the lifeblood of overheard) to both formats.
There is no reason for us to be competing for quotes, ideas, and intellectual space. Working together, we can make a funnier, stupider tomorrow.
Thank you,
the ear

Coupla days

Howdy all, didn't get too many submissions, so we were waiting for them to build into a slimy pile in our inbox. Here goes:


Bubble tea makes you smartur!

Freshman girl 1 (sipping on Bubble Tea): What would you do if you got one of these but you ONLY had a small straw...
Freshman girl 2 (long pause): OMG I don't know

-north, heard by lillers


Are Mayor McCheese and the Hamburgler Bigmacivores?

Guy drinking tea: Seriously dude, come finals week I'll be living on this [tea] and tobacco. I'll be like, a herbivore or something

-libe cafe, heard by elf


Why they always gotta change a thing?

Freshman girl: I hate the new facebook!!!! It makes stalking less fun because they do it all for you!!!!

-goldwin smith, heard by lj


That guy always was sassy

Guy 1 (to guy 2): The problem is you're a little bitch
Card swiper: That explains a lot

-rpcc, heard by dj osep


Clearly a Gov. Major

Guy 1: FBI?
Guy 2: Yeah, man. Federal Bureau of Intoxication.
Guy 1: Is that... is that a real bureau?

-okenshields, heard by toby


Gotta love TAs

Math TA discussing the volume of the Earth- when you start in the center it's going to be very dense and as you go out towards the crust you're going to be adding less mass... because there are holes... there might be caves and and stuff

-class, heard by anonymous

Good work everyone, see you tomorrow (and look for our letter to the editor).
-the ear