Whack Attack

Sorry kinder. Been a while. Here comes some updates.

College is gonna teach you a lot, kid

Freshman: Yeah, Donlon is shaped like a vagina.
O.L.: Ummm....I think you mean thong.
Freshman: Aren't they the same thing?

-outside donlon, heard by nirmal


Sometimes reputations must be earned, young one

Girl : Wait, so why do you hate Harvard, Yale, and Princeton?
Guy: Cause we should be just as overated and pretentious, but we're not.

-rpcc, heard by neil


It is, in fact, this easy

Guy: Where are you going?
Friend in Suit: To sell out. Wanna come?

-tower road, heard by meg

I think this kid could very well live on my street

Girl on cell, 3pm on a Tuesday: Wait, you're seriously this drunk right now? Wow.

-arts quad, also meg


But I also can't walk. What do I do?

(Girl in car pulls up next to two guys walking by the road)
Girl: I can't drive this car. It's my friend's car and I got a flat tire, and I really needed to drive. I'm afraid to drive it, I might get in an accident.
Guy 1: Where are you going?
Girl: To the gym. (awkward pause) Girl: And I'm afraid I'll get in an accident.

-linden ave, heard by kimothy


But it had wings! It was pretty much a bird!

Girl 1: A bird just flew into my ear and dropped DEAD on the GROUND!
Girl 2: Really?? Is it still there??
Girl 3: It wasn't a real bird, it was just a big bug.

-cook st, heard by lolz


Pronounced Nu-q-ler

Concerned boy: If we don't do something about Iran, I predict we will see another nuclear war in our lifetimes.
Confused boy: Wait, when was the first one?
Concerned boy: You mean... World War 2?
Confused boy: We used nuclear weapons during WW2?
Girl across table: My God, please PLEASE put down People Magazine and read a fucking textbook!

-trillium, heard by jaydot


Still in love with that Patty Mayonaise

Three Frat-tastic Dudes: OOOOOO EEE UUUUUUUU, KILLER TOFU!!!!!

-arts quad, heard by buddha


This is a serious evolutionary turn on

Chick on cell phone: I'm on birth control AND we used condoms. It was ONE time! That's how fertile I am!

-outside the schwartz center, heard by snafu


P-I-M-P

Asian guy 1: So, besides being a pimp and having sex and going to parties what else do you do?
Asian guy 2: Well, I'm a peer advisor...

-the bus, heard by ad'a

Thanks kids. Submit as though your entire earlobes depended on it.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

PS- Jaydot, I'm well. Thanks for asking.