Resolved! And new overheard!
Good news: Sunday night I talked to the Sun's managing editor, Michael Morisy, about this whole conflagration. We're not exaclty sure what the extent of the solution is going to be, but the end result is certainly going to be positive, at the very least being the referencing of our site in the Sun, but in all likelihood, involving some sort of RSS feed through the sun and some more involved, well, involvement.
Thanks to all who wrote in support, its great to know there are so many of you out there. Thanks for reading and being loyal, we can finally get back to the business at hand: questioning the sanity of the average Cornellian.
Without further ado:
Clearly not a doctor
Guy on cell: I don't know man, I can't see how much you're bleeding so I can't help you there.
-collegetown, heard by the kgb
Finally, freshmen sounding intelligent
Girl 1: Shit.
Girl 2: Precisely.
Girl 1: Shit.
Girl 2: Punch!
-balch arch, heard by anonymous
Finally, freshmen sounding motivated
Guy 1 [talking about the lowrises]: We have a big screen TV but it sucks balls.
Guy 2: What? We only have a little TV.
Guy 1: Yeah, it sucks balls. The remote is, like, chained to the TV, so you can't even change channels from your seat! You actually have to get up to change the channel.
-tcat, heard by notquitethatlazy
Thanks again folks. Truth reigns supreme.