Sick of the overwhelming stupid smacking you in the ear every day at Cornell University? Send us the hilarious, stupid or just out there things you hear, when and where you heard them, and by who (no names, just generic description) and we'll publish them. Either post it as a comment or send it to Good luck, and happy hearing

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Whack Attack

Sorry kinder. Been a while. Here comes some updates.

College is gonna teach you a lot, kid

Freshman: Yeah, Donlon is shaped like a vagina.
O.L.: Ummm....I think you mean thong.
Freshman: Aren't they the same thing?

-outside donlon, heard by nirmal

Sometimes reputations must be earned, young one

Girl : Wait, so why do you hate Harvard, Yale, and Princeton?
Guy: Cause we should be just as overated and pretentious, but we're not.

-rpcc, heard by neil

It is, in fact, this easy

Guy: Where are you going?
Friend in Suit: To sell out. Wanna come?

-tower road, heard by meg

I think this kid could very well live on my street

Girl on cell, 3pm on a Tuesday: Wait, you're seriously this drunk right now? Wow.

-arts quad, also meg

But I also can't walk. What do I do?

(Girl in car pulls up next to two guys walking by the road)
Girl: I can't drive this car. It's my friend's car and I got a flat tire, and I really needed to drive. I'm afraid to drive it, I might get in an accident.
Guy 1: Where are you going?
Girl: To the gym. (awkward pause) Girl: And I'm afraid I'll get in an accident.

-linden ave, heard by kimothy

But it had wings! It was pretty much a bird!

Girl 1: A bird just flew into my ear and dropped DEAD on the GROUND!
Girl 2: Really?? Is it still there??
Girl 3: It wasn't a real bird, it was just a big bug.

-cook st, heard by lolz

Pronounced Nu-q-ler

Concerned boy: If we don't do something about Iran, I predict we will see another nuclear war in our lifetimes.
Confused boy: Wait, when was the first one?
Concerned boy: You mean... World War 2?
Confused boy: We used nuclear weapons during WW2?
Girl across table: My God, please PLEASE put down People Magazine and read a fucking textbook!

-trillium, heard by jaydot

Still in love with that Patty Mayonaise

Three Frat-tastic Dudes: OOOOOO EEE UUUUUUUU, KILLER TOFU!!!!!

-arts quad, heard by buddha

This is a serious evolutionary turn on

Chick on cell phone: I'm on birth control AND we used condoms. It was ONE time! That's how fertile I am!

-outside the schwartz center, heard by snafu


Asian guy 1: So, besides being a pimp and having sex and going to parties what else do you do?
Asian guy 2: Well, I'm a peer advisor...

-the bus, heard by ad'a

Thanks kids. Submit as though your entire earlobes depended on it.

PS- Jaydot, I'm well. Thanks for asking.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Im back Bitches!

Sorry Gents and ladies, just finally gots the intraweb in my homespace and now I can update. Here we go!

Introspection, Cornell style

Girl: So I've recently reached the conclusion that I fart way too much.

-rpcc, heard by grossed out

Let it Be, Cornell style

Engineering Girl: It was weird seeing [frat boys] sober. It reminded me that they're real people too.

-engineering quad, heard by baw

Judith Butler is writing an angry letter as we speak

Prof: So the U. S. has its fingers in every dike.

-international relations class, heard by ross

Otherwise Im just not sleeping at DU again

Girl on cell: Pleeeease change your sheets. It's been like three months. I'm begging - I'm actually begging you to change the sheets. Please.

-martha's, heard by bcw

Clearly, she doesn't realize waving could distract him right into the street...

Girl: Oh look, there's that guy I know
Guy: Then why aren't you waving to him?
Girl: Because I want him to DIE!!

-arts quad, head by blane

Like...naked cuddle close

Questioning Boy: I could be gay, but I don't like men.
Confused Girl: I'm like almost a lesbian, but not quite, but I feel like it's close enough. My girls and I are close, really close.

-arts quad, heard by j-z

That's what I call 'home'

Boy on cell: Yeah, well, I don't define a 'city' as a place where you need to carry a switchblade to get to Dunkin Donuts.

-outside ctb, heard by chiashurb

Oh, to be young

Group of guys (looking at condoms): Hey,what's your cheapest 3-pack?
Jason (to employees): Girls, did you hear that?
Employee: Dude, they're ALL cheaper than a baby!

-jason's, heard by jerm

Not clear with the concept of circles

Guy 1: How do we get to where you are??
Guy 2: Go around the house!
Guy 1: ...which side??

-blair street, heard by chuckles

How do I get in the class these girls are studying for?

Showering Girl 1, shouting to be heard over the water: What was the most popular sport in [garbled; sounds like "British"] colonies?
Showering Girl 2, also shouting: What? Nudist colonies?
SG1: Yeah.
SG2: Um... Tennis?
SG1: Oh!
SG2: Was I right?
SG1: I don't know.

-girl's bathroom, donlon, heard by ferret

More soon!
The Ear