Sick of the overwhelming stupid smacking you in the ear every day at Cornell University? Send us the hilarious, stupid or just out there things you hear, when and where you heard them, and by who (no names, just generic description) and we'll publish them. Either post it as a comment or send it to Good luck, and happy hearing

Monday, October 30, 2006

Halloween Mania Part 1

Two parts, comin' atcha!
-the ear

Relish, you are cool by me

Guy dressed as a plant: Fuck you, Ketchup! You too, Mustard.

-eddy st., heard by anonymous

Harsh, but fair

Kid 1: I'm so glad I have a code monkey as a roommate so I don't have to live with someone who...
Code Monkey Roommate: (interrupts) Is happy?
Kid 1: Exactly.

-duffield, heard by doug

On the suspension bridge, two boys pass a third jumping up and down...

Jumping drunk boy: Excuse me, I'm hopping like a kangaroo! [continues jumping]

-suspension bridge, heard by fox

This poor man is really bad at being a frat boy


-college ave., heard by rv

Guy 2 here is very much the voice of reason

Guy 1: Jewish long island girls are the way to go.
Guy 2: No it's all about cultural diversity.
Guy 3: Cultural diversity? What about Alpha Phi?
Guy 2: If you want to get laid go back to that party.

-noyes, heard by didtheyreallyjustsaythat


Girl: I’m confused, so what is goodwill?
Guy: I dunno
Girl: Isn’t it that place where you get all your clothes?

-economics class, heard by jleow

Hail to thee, our alma matter

Boy: What do brain cells do for me? Nothing really, they waste my time.

-arts quad, heard by boyim


Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Update 39!

Well, it's finally happened. I've waited and waited for this day, and today, someone submitted a conversation I was in. Sadly, I was not the one who said the quote, but it is still a day for great happiness and rejoicing. Enjoy. Oh, and submit!
-the ear

Nice, sensitive, community service oriented m looking for caring, child loving f

Guy to girl selling breast cancer t-shirts: I'll do it later, the kids with cancer will still have cancer...

-mews, heard by Mike

High Standards

Lanky boy: She's a sophomore with a pulse. Perfect for me.

-eng quad, heard by stef

Does anyone remember those Bud Light "man-law" commercials? This guy does.

Confused Asian: Wait, I thought "Man Laws" were real laws.

-ho plaza, heard by the stairmaster

Not in this lifetime

Dumb girl: Born again Christianity is the new black.

-mews, heard by mike

Wow, conceited and trashy

Girl: I always have these random people adding me as a friend on facebook. But sometimes I'm like, 'you're cute, i'll accept you'

-trillium, heard by taylor

It is called the cocktail lounge...

Slackjaw: Why's it so quiet in here!?

-uris cocktail lounge, heard by djbj

Why you'd want to be an AEM major finally explained

A Dude: I like business? Sometimes. But i like parties? ALL the time.

-johnson's business school, heard by boogie

Freshman are so...racist

Girl: Snoop Dog like, looks like a dog...

-rpcc, heard by suzuka addict

This poor man doesn't even enjoy grabbing girls' boobs.

Sorority girl: And what's with those guys who grab girls' boobs? It can't be that fun
Guy friend who wants to sleep with her:'s really not

Later in the conversation...

Sorority girl: Why would he stop making out with her? She was like taking off his clothes...I'd say that was probably a good sign
Guy friend: was like "go team go!"

-commons, heard by scott

TI...and I don't mean the rapper

Girl 1: I wish my dad owned Texas Instruments
Girl 2: Wait, why's that?
Girl 1: Because then I would be really rich...and I would have all the calculators I wanted!
Girl 2: Oh my god, you're right!

-olin, heard by fultron


Vice-president: ...we're all like kind of educated or whatever?

-meeting of a very well-known student organization, heard by babygirl

PS- The convo I was in? High Standards.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Sundays Suck

Howdy all. Submissions have been down of late. I want to go back to the golden days of yore, when we were getting 4 or 5 submissions daily, not 1 or 2. So get your hearin' caps on.

Heidi? She hardly counts.

Loud girl on cell phone: And then he asked me what German people look like, and I told him, 'Well, I've never seen a German woman wear make-up.'... except for that one... yeah... no, not Gisele, the one who says 'Auf Wiedersehn.'

-law school, heard by hey, i'm german!

They should really work on a pimple remover function on digital cameras

Girl on Cell: Oh yeah, the pictures look great. I was up all night photoshopping pimples.

-tcat, heard by twombly

Only if you share, man.

Jockster: No, dude, you totally have to use a condom with a plastic vagina

-cook house, heard by hung

Note that it is under 30 degrees

Girl 1: How cold do you think it is?
Girl 2: Well it has to be less than 60, because when it's 60 degrees you CAN'T see your breath.

-uris, heard by paris

Too soon?

Girl 1: I don't know what his problem is. Columbus day? Like, whatever, it's a day off. I would celebrate Saddam Hussein day if I got a day off.

-wsh reading room [in response to columbus day protestor], heard by sitt

I've been meaning to meet you, I've got all this melted butter!

Guy on cell: Oh, so YOU'RE the one who likes horseshoe crabs!

-balch arch, heard by patricia

Weather is simple when you're a dunce

Freshman: Is New York City warmer than Ithaca?
Older Friend: Cities are warmer because pavement absorbs heat. Like the sun.

-tcat, heard by anonymous

Saturday, October 21, 2006

LONG overdue update part 3: the last revenge

Alright kids, should be all caught up after this. Submit chillens.

Sure man.

Dude on phone: Shrinkage, man, shrinkage... no, really... I'm actually a fuckin tripod... like a horse, dude... I swear, it was fuckin shrinkage!

-arts quad, heard by kaitlin


Drunk guy: Can I get a pack of cigarettes?
Hot truck guy: Can I see some id?
Drunk guy: Which one? 21 or 19?

-hot truck, heard by jack

How can you really know a person, anyway?

Girl to friend: You know it's like no matter how well I know the guy the night before, I don't necessarily know who he is in the morning.

-ctb, heard by nanners

That's a love triangle if I ever heard of one

Preppy Girl on cell phone: So Dave like had his head in Jay's lap and his butt was up in the air in like this weird triangle thing...yeah, I know...

-baker, heard by james

Aww, that's so sweet

Meathead 1 to meathead 2: Remember how special it was, the first time that we met?

-arts quad, heard by bjork

How can you eat ice cream that doesn't melt? Seriously people, stop eating Tasti D-lite. It's the most disgusting chemical cocktail to ever be called food, let alone dessert. You're not fat, you're not getting fat, and Tasti wont help you lose weight. Stop it. Real men prefer women who don't have tiny thighs but who have dignity, class, taste and self-respect.

Girl 1: What flavors [of tasti d-lite] do they have?
Girl 2: Oh, cake batter! I called ahead!

-collegetown candy and nuts, heard by the ear

Math Majors

Sorority Girl 1: These sushi only make me half full...
Sorority Girl 2: Really?? This pizza always makes me full.... you can have half of my pizza and I'll have half of your sushi and then... we'll both be three-quarters full!!!!

-trillium, heard by anonymous

What they're all thinking, always

Frat boy 1: I'm tired of doing my laundry.
Frat boy 2: If we all put our dues together, we could totally buy a slave!
Frat boy 3: Yeah, and we'd have enough for a really good slave.

-statler, heard by jc

Studying abroad

Brilliant Student #1: I think I want to go to Asia after college.
Brilliant Student #2: Why?
BS #1: Because I really want to improve my Spanish, and the best way to do that is to live in the country.
BS#2: That's a good idea.

-arts quad, heard by paralyzedindisbelief

Haha, fatty likes to eat air.

Broham 1: Dude look at how much air there is in this room.
Broham 2: Dude what if they charged money for, like, air?
Broham 1: Dude I wouldn't care, I'm not THAT fat.
Broham 1: Dude don't you ever just want to like throw a knife up in the air above a crowd of people and, like, see what happens?
Broham 2: Totally.

-math class, heard by doppelganger

That's fucked up

Guy on cell: You bitch! You killed a pregnant deer!

-trillium, heard by boodyish


Prof's daughter: See, I knew the translation, but I put true because it could mean this, too - and you took points off.
Prof: No, no, it's false. (Thinks). I made this test harder than I should have......don't tell mom.

-language class, heard by asma

Today, we are being the cool.

Worried junior: Oh my god Betty we are totally not sitting in the loser section today. Today we are going to be cool.

-trillium, heard by inthecoolsection

Sunday, October 15, 2006

LONG overdue update part 2

Oops, I lied. We're gonna break things down into 3 parts for ya.

Aw, please dude? It'll be quick, I swear.

Dude on cell: No, I really don't want to put your balls in my mouth, thank you very much.

-tower rd, heard by laura

FUCK! These are Cornellians ladies and gentlemen! Where's the outrage?

Gal: Oklahoma and Ohio, I always get those two mixed up.
Guy: Yeah.
Gal: Wait which one is in the middle of the country?
Guy: Ah, they both are, kind of.
Gal: Oh, well which one is a state?
Guy: Both
Gal: Yeah that's why I get them mixed up!

-ho plaza, heard by taranto

Way out in the water, see it swimmin'

Dame: Oh well what kind of music do you guys play?
Gent: Well, we cover the Pixies, like "Where is my Mind"
Dame: Ohhhh! I love that song! "Where's my mind, where's my mind, wheres
my mind"
Gent: Yeah, but that's not really how it goes.
Dame: Right, but I still love that song.

-stewart ave, also taranto


Bro: Hey come on, sit down.
Gal: Yeah sit down.
Drunk mess of which has just stumbled in: NO! (slams purse on table) I'M
Bro: Oh god, please sit down.

-ctb, also taranto


Table Dancer Wannabe: Hey why are you acting like such a slut?
Drunk Table Dancer: I fucked a Red Sox’s player and was Miss Massachusetts you fat ugly bitch!

-johnny o's, heard by entertained johnny o's patrons

A woman of high moral fiber

Girl on cell: Well, i don't care if they kill fucking humans, just don't fucking kill the worms!

-arts quad, heard by hearstoomuch

Do not give this girl a degree

Crowd of fans: Here we go Cornell! ::clap, clap, clapclapclap::
Dumb girl: Here we go what? OHHH, Cornell! I could've sworn they were saying Tarheels!

-schoellkopf stadium, heard by dues

Ah yes, many a polar wallaby I've hunted there

Dumb Girl: What are you wearing? It's only, like, fifty degrees out! You're dressed like you're in, like, the Alaska Outback!

-schoellkopf stadium, also dues

Saturday, October 14, 2006

LONG overdue update part 1

Well, it seems I've been slightly reticent in my duties. For this I appologize. I hope someday you will forgive me. There are about thirty overheards I have to post, so I'm breaking it down into two updates, one today, one tomorrow. Submitting pace has slowed down tremendously (this makes sense considering how few updates I've been doing) but please send in your overheards.
Ok, enough groveling. It's stupid time.
-the ear

Real friends keep creepy sexual pictures

Skeevy Guy: Do you mind if I show him a picture of you?
Cute Girl: What picture?
Skeevy Guy: Catholic School Girl.
Cute Girl: You still have that?!

-ctb, heard by bevans

Sound Advice

Girl on cell: Well if you keep blacking out you won't be a virgin anymore.

-west ave, heard by Brian

That's why I've been hooking up with so many boys! For my teeth!

Sorority girl: I hear seminal fluid makes your teeth whiter

-ho plaza, heard by doug

Fitness is very important

Nerdy Asian: I count playing Guitar Hero as lifting. It hurts my fingers so much!

-appel, heard by doug

Frat Boys definitely have Oedipal complexes

Frat guy 1: Dude, my dad is such a lazy motherfucker.
Frat guy 2: Dude, did you just call your dad a motherfucker?

-west, heard by doug


Girl on Cell: I mean, I feel kind of dumb, like, registering to vote and like not knowing what's going on and then, like, voting anyway. But I mean it's cool that I can vote.

-collegetown, heard by rv