Haha...oops

Ok, yeah, I've been reticent at my post. Its been 3 weeks without an update. I offer no excuses, except complete laziness and ennui. Anyway, here are a couple to tide you over with a BIG HONKING UPDATE coming next.
-the ear


We've all been there

Girl : It was a bad night... I was drunk... and high... and I ate half a bottle of ketchup.

-hec auditorium goldwin smith, heard by xcuterboix


That's so gay

Frat boy: I am so secure in my sexuality that I would do another man in the ass just to make him feel uncomfortable.

-trillium, heard by doug


Gold diggers

Kid: I want to die while boning some girl 40 years younger than me
Same Kid: Dude, my second wife isn't even born yet.

-lost dog, heard by doug


We don't smoke! We don't drink! We don't fuck! How the hell are you supposed to think?

Drunk girl #1: You're chainsmoking??
Drunk girl #2: No! My boyfriend is straight edge!
Drunk girl #1: Do I even know what that IS?

-dryden, heard by rv


Surprising Clarity

Guy 1: Sorry man, I can't. I've got the annual thanksgiving dinner at (fraternity).
Guy 2: C'mon
Guy 1: Nah, I've got to. Besides it's a good time. We use it to entice possible pledges.
Guy 2: Any girls?
Guy 1: Not really, but talking to the prospectives is kinda like hitting on a girl. We just try to get them drunk and then just start talking to them. You know 'what school are you in, what's your major." Kinda awkward. But it works. Soon they're hooked and they're our bitches.

-location unknown, heard by anonymous


Family bonding, not bondage!

Freshman Hotelie Girl: Why would you take a 13-year-old to a whorehouse? That's just...weird...

-statler, heard by virgin ears


Around 0...brain cells

Smart freshman: The Indus Valley civilization was around in 5000 BC. The Buddha was around in 2000 BC.
Not-so-smart freshman: So when was Christianity?

-location unknown, heard by nate


All of these amazing things were said by the same 3 wonderful boys waiting in line for Bob Sagat

Freshman guy 1: Dude, check out her ugly jacket...she's like an eskimo
Freshman guy 2: No dude, she's an eski-ho!
(the whole group of 5 of them break out into hysterical laughter)

Freshman guy 1: I swear man, why can't we cut this line?
Freshman guy 2: Yeah, we should totally punch people in the kidneys and just run to the front
Freshman guy 3: Yeah man, we can take all of them. We'd kill them.

Freshman guy 1: Wait, you like Family Guy?
Freshman girl 1: Yeah
Freshman guy 1: Sweet! That's fucking awesome. Family Guy is the best fucking show in fucking history. (gives her a high five)

Freshman guy 1: Let's just have a real fight right now...maybe we could cut to the front in the chaos.
Freshman guy 2: What? Are you serious?
Freshman guy 1: No totally, let's have a real fight. I'd kill you.
(shoves guy #2)
Freshman guy 2: Don't touch me, that's so gay. If you touch me again, I'll fucking kill you, you fag.

-sagat line, heard graciously by scott

Classes are almost over, so peoples' brain capacities are at an all time low. Exploit this for our entertainment! overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Ten days all at once HUGE UPDATE!

Blamo!
Submit!
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

I'd miss it too

Guy: I used to have sex every Tuesday afternoon.
Girl: Oh really?
Guy: Yeah, ever since, I've been trying to fill the void.

-libe, heard by buddha


There are some alpha delts living above me, and I'll just say this makes total sense.

Drunk frat guy: I don't care that she was 300 pounds, she still had a phenomenal rack!

-outside alpha delt, heard by hearing aid


That line never works

Girl: I'm going to A Chi O
Boy: Why, so you can be a lesbian?

-college ave, heard by xcutterboix


Stubborn to a fault, or in a neck brace?

Stumbling freshman girl: When I get drunk, I don't even know what clothes are on me.
Stumbling freshman friend: (mutters)
Stumbling freshman girl: Like right now, I don't even know what I'm wearing.
Stumbling freshman friend: (incomprehensible)
Stumbling freshman girl: No, seriously. I don't know what I am wearing right now.

-outside bear awesome, heard by fully clothed


Hey! Hotelies need love too.

Guy on cell phone: Hey man, I just got my first hug. It was fancy.

-terrace restaurant, heard by blah


For most Cornellians, homework is the best part

Guy on cell: I'm drunk as fuck right now...yeah I went out after my chem test, and they had strippers! got a lapdance...she was bangin'. You wanna know the best part dude? I'm doing homework haha!...yeah...its due tomorrow.

-appel, heard by zui


SOTBs

Scarfed kid: He's not even fresh off the boat, he's still on the boat, right?

-thurston, heard by billstar


Food science majors? Idiots? You decide.

Guy 1: How do you measure salad dressing?
Guy 2: (refers to notes) Ounces.
Guy 1: How much salad dressing do you put on a salad...in ounces?
*15 minutes later*
Guy 1: How do you define a sports drink? Juice?
Guy 1: Cause its not really juice...

-duffield, heard by burke


You know...riiiing

Guy on Cell Phone: Huh? Hello? Oh hey, what's up, yeah that's weird my phone didn't ring...like, it didn't go riiiiing riiiiing.

-east seneca, heard by hearing aid


So cute!

Sorority girl en route to semiformal: We should have a super formal! It'd be so cute.

-miyake, heard by twombly


Wind tunnels are hot

Blowhard: ...it's like forcing your dick into a wind tunnel! he's trying to fight his way inside the vagina!

-becker house, heard by twombly


All that is man

Drunk guy yelling at passerby: I know where you at, and you know where I'm at, and I ain't moving. Oh, here comes a chick! [pokes her in the boob]

-the middle of the street, dryden, heard by benji


So Much Squirrels!

Guy 1: So, we should do some sort of a school prank.
Guy 2: Wouldn't it be cool if we poisoned all the acorns on campus and had all the squirrels eat them and die? Imagine. Dead squirrels everywhere.

-outside wsh, heard by anonymous


A good night, by all accounts

Dude: Hey man, do I have any more swastikas on my face? I tried to wash them all off...

-temple of zeus, heard by zak


You have to look out for sand, too

Freshman Girl: It's so much better when it's cold than it is when it's warm- all you can do when it's 115 degrees out is sit around and air out your vagina flaps!

-outside rpu, heard by broyhaha


If this was you, I could use her number

sorority girl: my grandma is HOTTTT! well, not hott exactly....but she is single!

-oakenshields, heard by jankster


Cultural Awareness is dope

Townie bro: should we put the red dots on our heads? do the boys even put the dots on their heads? or only girls?
Townie dude: no dumbass, the terrorists don't put dots on their heads at all!

-ac moore, heard by jankster

Halloween Mania Part 2

How the hell is it already November? Seriously, I will give anyone a substantial financial reward if they can find the last two months and give them back to me. Forward all information (and overheards) to:
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

I...I just do not understand

Girl 1: I mean, just 'cuz I do it doesn't mean I do it fast.
Girl 2: …Yea, like, I used to date my chem TA.

-cascadilla, heard by hearing aid


God loves the religgy

Jappy girl: so my parents are best friends with the cantor now. We're really really religgy.

-schwartz center, heard by minjee


I think he means you're ugly

Girl on cell: Well they say the guys here at a B+ but the girls are a C-...I don't know some website or college ranking...What do you mean am I graded on a curve?

-arts quad, heard by anonymous


If Halloween can't get you laid, nothing can

Freshman girl 1: I met a boy in a kilt on Friday, I wish I would have had sex with him"
Freshman girl 2: Yeah, kilts are hot

-central campus, heard by sorostitute


Been There

Girl: He was 26, I was 18. I liked him until I found out he was a loser.

-tatkon, heard by anonymous


Seriously? SERIOUSLY?? Who are these people? How did they get into Cornell?

Art History TA: This print depicts the Sacrifice of Isaac, which is a biblical story where God told Isaac to kill his first born son...
Art History Bimbo: OH. MY. GOD. That's....terrible.....That's almost as bad as a girl telling her boyfriend that he needs to get rid of his dog because she's allergic.

-johnson, heard by mary


Don't smoke kids

Guy: You'll die eventually, whether its from cigarettes or something else. Hopefully AIDS.

-louie's lunch, heard by caitlin


Voiced from experience

Frat Guy: Dude, Little Mermaid is a great date movie. If you can't hook up with the girl, you can always jerk off to Ariel.

-ho plaza, heard by doug


Triangles- now in four dimensions

Guy 1: Why are we walking through the Engineering Quad?
Guy 2: C'mon man, it's like the hypotenuse... it makes sense!
Guy 3: Dude, we just got out of hockey and you guys are talking about fourth dimensions?

-eng quad, heard by marcella


Cornell Diversity

Frat Guy #1: Dude, there are so many different type of people here.
Frat Guy #2: Yeah.
Frat Guy #1: I mean, just about every fraternity and sorority is represented.

-terrace cafe, heard by vickie


Redundant. Definitely redundant.

Guy with a cane: We'll go out. And party like rock stars. Rock stars with STDs.

-eng quad, heard by rv

Hope you had a happy halloween!
the ear