We lost internet this weekend, but we're back and with a vengeance. Keep submitting, its the only way we'll every be happy.
Cornell boys on: Fitness
Dudebro: Dude. Girls don't fuck guys who are fours on the fitness scale. They want guys who are fitness TENS.
-college ave., heard by rv
Cornell boys on: Dating
Guy on Cell: ... you have to find someone who has already blacked out to strap it on to.
-buffalo st., heard by anonymous
Cornell boys on: Marriage
Hick: My mom always said that marrying your high school sweetheart is like buying something at a 7-11 before going to the Super Wal Mart.
-in a dsoc class, heard by superfan
Cornell girls on: Work Ethic
Girl: I think you can take classes pass/fail as long as they're not for your major or anything. I might take science pass/fail. And maybe math too...no, then I'll seem like a slacker.
-tower rd., heard by ned
Cornell girls on: Standards
Girl 1: So, I bought this new outfit the other day... I gave it to my roommate to try on cause I wasn't sure if I liked how it looked or not. But I do.
Girl 2: Why weren't you sure?
Girl 1: Well, my roommate is like 4'11'' and it looks good on her but I'm way taller and it looks really skanky on me.
Girl 2: How skanky?
Girl 1: Pretty skanky, but I'm going to wear it tonight anyway.
-bailey hall, heard by mobius
Cornell girls on: Dieting
Girl 1: So what diet are you doing this semester? low-carb?
Girl 2: No low-carb was last term. I'm just cutting portions this term. [To
barrista] Could I get a large mocha with whipped cream?
Girl 1: I thought you just said you were cutting portions?
Girl 2: I am. but the coffee is like caffeinated water here, so it doesn't
count. Besides, it speeds up your metabolism or something so it'll
come out faster. It's not how fast it comes in, it's how fast it come
-trillium express, heard by skeetskeet
Cornell girls on: Directions
Drunk Girl: There's so many people and I need to tell you this... I'm like so confused right now I'm in the wrong parking lot. I like always go down the same staircase every night and it takes me to the parking lot but now I'm not there and I'm so confused. I went down like 6 staircases and I kept ending up in parking lots and I couldnt find it... DKE I'm trying to go to DKE tonight. Yeah its like the best place to go this time of night... You know J_____?? I LOVE J_____!! He wears like the bestest sweaters, pulls, fabrics!!!!
-libe slope, heard by demily
Cornell girls on: Sex
Girl: Don't go in there! That bed has Herpes!
-deleware ave, heard by morrow
Cornellians on: Romance
Guy: [in seductive voice] I have beer down my pants.
Girl: [embracing guy] I have beer all over my pants too. And that's awesome!
-statler, heard by morrow
Woah, those ones were great. Way to be guys.
PS- Intrigue with the Sun continues. I approached Monika at a Daze party and told her to call me. She already had my number, so here's hoping she actually does it this week. It's clear that the higher ups at the Sun (both Daze editor Elliot and managing editor Michael) are acting out of the best intentions and want to see this resolved. So it's all on her. And we're all so sick of this, that if Thursday publishes again with no change, well then my lovelies, the gloves are off.