Sick of the overwhelming stupid smacking you in the ear every day at Cornell University? Send us the hilarious, stupid or just out there things you hear, when and where you heard them, and by who (no names, just generic description) and we'll publish them. Either post it as a comment or send it to Good luck, and happy hearing

Monday, April 23, 2007

Weekend Roundup

Hey you. Maybe its because the weather is so nice, you think, 'sure, I heard him say something stupid, but I dont care enough to write it down. Its too nice to bare that sort of ill-will'. Maybe you think this. But this is wrong. If anything, the sun bakes the alreadly weakened brains of the soroyalty and broheims, making them more likely to say something mindbogglingly idiotic. So let's not have this happen again, where a whole weekend passes and I only get three overheards.
Good talk.

Who knows man...who knows.

Girl on phone: Wait... so who's the father????

-psi u crush party, heard by how stereotypical

Time to use a dictionary

(Girl 2 hands Girl 1 flowers. They fly away in the wind)
Girl 1: Noo! My flowers! Come baaaack!
Girl 2: Sometimes you just have to let things go. They won't last forever; flowers aren't effervescent, you know.

-west, heard by mel

True Love

Girl: But I mean, he was in my lower intestine. I just can't get past that.

-ho plaza, heard by benji

The title for this one is just too easy

Genius: I thought all those 'for dummies' books were written by the same person.

-engineering quad, heard by the ear

Submit my nipple twisting debutantes.
-the ear

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Thursday Update Extravaganza!

You know, like santa's sleigh 'n stuff

Sorority Girl #1 - There were like these reindeer, and like they were labelled as caribou, haha
Sorority Girl #2- What's a caribou?

-trillium, heard by dan

There was a row of seats "Reserved for SUNY Dehli" but amazingly filled with white people

Guy looking at sign: Hey, what's SUNY Delhi?
Female Friend One: I don't know.
Female Friend Two: Maybe there's a SUNY in India?
Guy looking at sign: But none of the people sitting there are Indian!
*later, still confused....*
Guy looking at sign: But really, is there a SUNY in India?
Incredulous Guy: Uhh... STATE University of NEW YORK?
Guy looking at sign: But Cornell has a thing in that Q place!

-at bernard tschumi lecture, heard by lal

Im thinkin, like...U Hawaii?

Wannabe sorostitute: So I really wanna like, go abroad, but it has to be someplace like, where they speak English, and where it's warm and sunny.

then, as she gets off, her friends:

Guy friend: I didn't mind her today.
Female friend: Yeah, sometimes I want to punch her in the face, but she was nice today.
Guy friend: Yeah, I don't mind her if she's not talking about Food Science...because you know, she like's all interested in's weird.

-82 bus, heard by scott

Well, he's definitely qualified

Scrawny Jewish Boy: I went to Hebrew school for seven years. I can kick anyone's ass.

-bethe house, heard by smap

Understatement of the Year

Woman on cell phone walking through snow in April: Well it's not exactly Paris in the springtime.

-ho plaza, heard by kathy

Hey, if you don't include a monniker I gotta make one up. And it'll probably be some stupid play on your net id. Like smap.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

April is the cruelest month

Snow? Seriously? I gotta get the fuck outta this town.

Dude, what we shared was beautiful

Bro: No, last night was totally awesome and not gay also.

-ho plaza, heard by rv

Sing it with me: That's what friends are for

Sorostitute yelling at friend: I can see the marks on your butt from over here!

-north campus, heard by yix

And you know these fuckers have cars on campus

Freshman Ho 1: But..are you like...good at drunk driving?
Freshman Ho 2: Oh yeah...I'm like...SOOOO good! I've been drunk driving like, since I got my license

-the 81, heard by newm

That's all for today folks. Submit. And also, fuck this weather.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Long time, No update

But here it is lovelies. Stay outta the shitty weather now, y'all hear?
-the ear

I knew I shouldn't have shaved off my eyebrows!

Girl: I like wearing this hat because it makes me look like a cancer patient.

- engineering quad, overheard by wb

There's something about Cameron...

Studious Asian Girl: Man, I couldn't sleep again last night. I was just lying there. I was thinking about Cameron Diaz's smile. She's always smiling.

-terrace cafe, heard by yager

She answers the question as she asks it

Girl #1: My friend just got a new boyfriend, she met him in the library.
Girl #2: What? I'm ALWAYS in the library, why don't I have a boyfriend?

-kennedy auditorium, also heard by yager

Goin' straight for the jugular

Physics kid #1:I'm going to stab you in the jugular!
Physics kid #2: I once got hit in the jugular with a ping pong ball...
Physics kid #1: My friend got hit by a car recently when he was running at night.
Physics kid #2: Wait, in the jugular?

-physics class in rockefeller, heard by overheardmost

Possibly the most annoying phone conversation ever


-management library, also by overheardmost

Duh, you obviously want large balls

Comp Sci Kid on phone: No, do the balls first, then the walls... Yes the balls, do the balls. No not walls first... Balls! Do balls first! Then you can check to see if they get move and get larger. Yes you want large balls. So do the balls first!

-donlon study lounge, heard by probablysaiditall

Leave the eytomology to the English professors

Nat Res Prof: I'm not a vegetarian, that's a mohawk word for 'don't hunt so well'

-class, heard by no one in particular

I hope this person is never a doctor

Premed: I'm pretty sure I'm smarter than Einstein. My physics professor makes us derive formulas in 10 minutes that took Einstein years to do.

-class, heard by doug

This dance sounds intriguing

Guy: I'll do the work and you'll do the Chinese dance in sexy underwear.
Angry Chinese girl: No!

-pyramid mall, heard by ad'a

World Gym now only accepts metrosexuals

Girl: Yo, I like my curves.
Frat Guy: You know that gym curves? It's for lesbians! Who knew?

-arts quad, heard by jeff

That's all folks. Welcome to the last three weeks of your semester.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Update is for now!

Ready, go!

I bet she realized this as she was reading it

Confused Girl: We have a prelim coming up on the 15th right?
Incredulous TA: No..
Confused Girl: But it says so right here! Prelim. March 15th!
Incredulous TA:'s the 9th of April.

-class, heard by no one in particular

Clearly also a geometry teacher

Chem Prof: Lets put that in a box.
(circles the information on the board)
Chem Prof: ...A non-square box.

-chem class, heard by no one in particular

These guys clearly paid attention

Dude Bro 1: Dude, you wanna learn that riff to Black Dog?
Dude Bro 2: Nah, we should learn Sunshine of Your Love.
DB1: Is that the all complicated one where its just guitar, and then drums?
DB2: No man, that's Black Dog.
DB1: How does Sunshine go?
DB2: You duh-nuh-nuh-nuh nuh nuh nuh
DB1: Oh right man...I don't remember either of them, but we should totally do that.

-walking out of history of rock class, heard by scott

Yeah Right

Random Girl: lots of korean...I AM NOT A SLUT!...more korean

-ivy room, heard by diamond

Same overheard, but funnier

German girl #1: [german]...sorority...[german]
German girl #2: "[german]...lypo suction...[german]

-goldwin smith, heard by blah

This is embarassing for everyone involved. Perhaps most so Anne Frank

Girl 1: No! It's a feel good movie!
Girl 2: Isn't it the Diary of Anne Frank? I hate to tell you but she dies in the end.
Girl 1: No...?!
Girl 2: I thought I saw it on your floor.
Girl 1: ... No, you saw Annie Hall.

-west campus, heard by twerp


Sunday, April 08, 2007

Happy Easter, if you're one of them Christian types

I hope y'all had a lovely weekend. I certainly did. Personally, I feel resurrected.
Here are some more sacrilarious quotations from our lovely fellow students.
-the ear

Nothing gets a laugh like illiterate kids

Drunk girl: That is so funny because I LOVE underprivileged children!

-house party, heard by ad'a


Art major: Sometimes the experience of reality is very...unreal.

-cornell cinema, also ad'a

This just feels dirty

A guy pours so much salt on his popcorn, leaves. Then he comes back for more.
Girl: More salt?
Guy, in unison with his boyfriend: We like it really salty!

-cornell cinema, again ad'a

You know, like with drugs 'n stuff

Guy yelling into phone: I went to the gym twice this week! [pause] No. I haven't been lifting weights... I was going to do that this summer. [pause] I've been doing BRAIN EXERCISE!!

-location unknown, heard by fox

This line was struck from our alma matter

Guy: Vodka is like my energy drink.

-jewish date auction at the statler, heard by rvl

Because updating is way better than paper writing.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Saturdays are pretty dope

As the 20th century prophets Loverboy once sang, "Everybody's working for the weekend". In this vein, Im putting you to work. Stupid people are more up front about it when drunk. Exploit this to the advantage of all of us!
-the ear

Atleast she spelled it right

Girl 1: How do you spell luau?
Girl 2: What's that?
Girl 1: You know, like when Mexicans wear grass skirts and eat pigs and pineapples.
Girl 2: Oh. I think it's L-U-A-U.

-tower cafe, heard by xcutterboix

Only in Dino's

Sorostitute 1: I need a date for winetour...I was gonna take Jim, but after last night...I mean, just because I had a threesome with them doesn't mean they can stop talking to me. Like it's not my fault they're awkward.
Sorostitute 2: Were they drunk?
Sorostiutue 1: No they were both sober...
Sorostitute 2: Maybe that's why...what about cokehead boy...can you take him on winetour instead?

-dino's, heard by seriously?

As if I didn't experience enough guilt, being Jewish

Guy 1: So he's like, "Not keepin' kosher?" And I'm like, "Come on, I stuck with it for two days."
Guy 2: I'm not keeping kosher either.
Guy 1: It's like, yeah, we got out of Egypt, but it's not that big a deal.

-becker, heard by ad'a

Gene Simmons claims to do this

Bro 1: He's got this drawer-full of pictures, dude. All different girls.
Bro 2: Have you seen it?
Bro 1: Yeaaah, dude. Sketch.

-statler, also ad'a

I have had sadly similar conversations

Smoking guy #1: Cancer is, like, the new orange.
Smoking guy #2: Yeah, I don't want to die now, but I don't want to be like 80.
Smoking guy #1: Yeah, exactly.

-outside bethe house, heard by kimothy

Friends don't let friends serial murder

Guy 1: I hope there's no one in that lounge.
Guy 2: Me too.
Guy 3: If there's anyone there, I'll kill them all. I'll slit their throats.

-west campus, heard by kimothy

Two Bingo related overheards? Yes!

Bingo number caller: D65
Bingo players: There's no D in BINGO
Bingo number caller: It looks like a D, really!

Didn't know the mic was on?

Bingo number caller #2: I pick up lots of chicks, G56. But when I don't, I masterbate, B8.

-bingo heaven, heard by bingo player

Thanks kids.
Keep up the good work.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

61st post and goin' strong

Stay in school.

Its funny when hotelies don't know words

Girl #1: (looking at friend's necklace) Oh my god, are you wearing a cross?!?
Girl #2: No, it's an anchor. Can you really imagine me trying to assimilate to the majority culture?
Girl #1: Seriously. . . Wait, a-simma-what?

-statler, heard by anonymous

I heard if you reject his friend request, he challenges you to a duel.

Girl: Who's Aaron Burr? Should we facebook him?

-west campus, heard by twerp

What sorta dern edumacation you gittin at that stoopid skool?

Girl on cell with parents: I'm writing a paper and need some help, but not a bible length explanation [pause] It's on race. [pause] No, not on rape, it's on race for my class! [pause] My class is not about rape! It's about race, r-a-s-e, wait, r-a-c-e.

-new noyes lounge, heard by greczy

If only we could hear the other sides of these convos

Loud girl on cell phone: You paid $70...[pause] YOU PAID $170 FOR A HAIRCUT? Do you know how many shoes I could buy with $170? [pause] Well no, not your shoes but...[pause]...I'm just saying, if you make more money than mom and dad you should get your own place!

-bethe house, heard by moon

I mean, I have alot of Jewish friends...

Guy: Are you Jewish?
Girl: Pretty much.

-number 10 bus, heard by bryce

Aunt Jemimah cries a single tear

Nerd 1: I wasn't aware until about 30 seconds ago that maple syrup even had a sexual connotation...
Nerd 2: Hey man, I didn't say, I didn't say it!

-neuro class, heard by jankster

That's some heavy shit man

Dorky Geek #1: She was sick and taking drugs man, she was so out of it, I swear. She was taking those drugs, that green stuff, what's it called, Nyquil...she was so out of it, what is even in that stuff?
Dorky Geek #2: ...alcohol?
Dorky Geek #1: YEAH, she was so out of it. [pause] I hope she doesn't get addicted.

-neuro class, again jankster

Thats all for today folks. You keep listening and you just hear some good ones. You just hear them and you send to me.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

It is still Tuesday in Hawaii

Enjoy, mein kinder.

Well cut grass gets my hot

Girl 1: That's really cool.
Girl 2: What, that my faculty advisor's really hot?
Girl 1: No, that lawn mower.

-location unknown, heard by tan

Sometimes change can be a hard thing to swallow

Drunk Girl #1: I don't know how much I liked that wine.
Drunk Girl #2: Me either, it was kind of too sweet.
Drunk Girl #3: Guys, I just swallowed a dime.

-location unkown, heard by tan

All of the overheards today express my sentiments exactly

(Suddenly, out of the pall of silence that is Uris...)
Frat boy: (Yells) Fuck this shit! Fuck this school! (slams books, runs out of library)

-uris library, heard by itotallyagree

Atleast she's gettin' clean

Hungover sorority girl:...and then i took a shower with all my clothes on.

-olin, heard by lilichka

This week, I am a boring stressed out person

Girl on Cell: What if all the boring people were really just totally stressed out? I mean, what if?

-betwixt the libraries, heard by wiktor

More tomorrow, if I yet live.
Submit, me hearties