LONG overdue update part 3: the last revenge

Alright kids, should be all caught up after this. Submit chillens.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Sure man.

Dude on phone: Shrinkage, man, shrinkage... no, really... I'm actually a fuckin tripod... like a horse, dude... I swear, it was fuckin shrinkage!

-arts quad, heard by kaitlin


Oops

Drunk guy: Can I get a pack of cigarettes?
Hot truck guy: Can I see some id?
Drunk guy: Which one? 21 or 19?

-hot truck, heard by jack


How can you really know a person, anyway?

Girl to friend: You know it's like no matter how well I know the guy the night before, I don't necessarily know who he is in the morning.

-ctb, heard by nanners


That's a love triangle if I ever heard of one

Preppy Girl on cell phone: So Dave like had his head in Jay's lap and his butt was up in the air in like this weird triangle thing...yeah, I know...

-baker, heard by james


Aww, that's so sweet

Meathead 1 to meathead 2: Remember how special it was, the first time that we met?

-arts quad, heard by bjork


How can you eat ice cream that doesn't melt? Seriously people, stop eating Tasti D-lite. It's the most disgusting chemical cocktail to ever be called food, let alone dessert. You're not fat, you're not getting fat, and Tasti wont help you lose weight. Stop it. Real men prefer women who don't have tiny thighs but who have dignity, class, taste and self-respect.

Girl 1: What flavors [of tasti d-lite] do they have?
Girl 2: Oh, cake batter! I called ahead!

-collegetown candy and nuts, heard by the ear


Math Majors

Sorority Girl 1: These sushi only make me half full...
Sorority Girl 2: Really?? This pizza always makes me full.... you can have half of my pizza and I'll have half of your sushi and then... we'll both be three-quarters full!!!!

-trillium, heard by anonymous


What they're all thinking, always

Frat boy 1: I'm tired of doing my laundry.
Frat boy 2: If we all put our dues together, we could totally buy a slave!
Frat boy 3: Yeah, and we'd have enough for a really good slave.

-statler, heard by jc


Studying abroad

Brilliant Student #1: I think I want to go to Asia after college.
Brilliant Student #2: Why?
BS #1: Because I really want to improve my Spanish, and the best way to do that is to live in the country.
BS#2: That's a good idea.

-arts quad, heard by paralyzedindisbelief


Haha, fatty likes to eat air.

Broham 1: Dude look at how much air there is in this room.
Broham 2: Dude what if they charged money for, like, air?
Broham 1: Dude I wouldn't care, I'm not THAT fat.
*pause*
Broham 1: Dude don't you ever just want to like throw a knife up in the air above a crowd of people and, like, see what happens?
Broham 2: Totally.

-math class, heard by doppelganger


That's fucked up

Guy on cell: You bitch! You killed a pregnant deer!

-trillium, heard by boodyish


Incompetenepotism

Prof's daughter: See, I knew the translation, but I put true because it could mean this, too - and you took points off.
Prof: No, no, it's false. (Thinks). I made this test harder than I should have......don't tell mom.

-language class, heard by asma


Today, we are being the cool.

Worried junior: Oh my god Betty we are totally not sitting in the loser section today. Today we are going to be cool.

-trillium, heard by inthecoolsection