Halloween Mania Part 1

Two parts, comin' atcha!
-the ear

Relish, you are cool by me

Guy dressed as a plant: Fuck you, Ketchup! You too, Mustard.

-eddy st., heard by anonymous


Harsh, but fair

Kid 1: I'm so glad I have a code monkey as a roommate so I don't have to live with someone who...
Code Monkey Roommate: (interrupts) Is happy?
Kid 1: Exactly.

-duffield, heard by doug


On the suspension bridge, two boys pass a third jumping up and down...

Jumping drunk boy: Excuse me, I'm hopping like a kangaroo! [continues jumping]

-suspension bridge, heard by fox


This poor man is really bad at being a frat boy

Dude bro: ONLY FAGS DONT SUCK DICK!

-college ave., heard by rv


Guy 2 here is very much the voice of reason

Guy 1: Jewish long island girls are the way to go.
Guy 2: No it's all about cultural diversity.
Guy 3: Cultural diversity? What about Alpha Phi?
Guy 2: If you want to get laid go back to that party.

-noyes, heard by didtheyreallyjustsaythat


Burn

Girl: I’m confused, so what is goodwill?
Guy: I dunno
Girl: Isn’t it that place where you get all your clothes?

-economics class, heard by jleow


Hail to thee, our alma matter

Boy: What do brain cells do for me? Nothing really, they waste my time.

-arts quad, heard by boyim

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