Saturdays are pretty dope

As the 20th century prophets Loverboy once sang, "Everybody's working for the weekend". In this vein, Im putting you to work. Stupid people are more up front about it when drunk. Exploit this to the advantage of all of us!
-the ear

Atleast she spelled it right

Girl 1: How do you spell luau?
Girl 2: What's that?
Girl 1: You know, like when Mexicans wear grass skirts and eat pigs and pineapples.
Girl 2: Oh. I think it's L-U-A-U.

-tower cafe, heard by xcutterboix


Only in Dino's

Sorostitute 1: I need a date for winetour...I was gonna take Jim, but after last night...I mean, just because I had a threesome with them doesn't mean they can stop talking to me. Like it's not my fault they're awkward.
Sorostitute 2: Were they drunk?
Sorostiutue 1: No they were both sober...
Sorostitute 2: Maybe that's why...what about cokehead boy...can you take him on winetour instead?

-dino's, heard by seriously?


As if I didn't experience enough guilt, being Jewish

Guy 1: So he's like, "Not keepin' kosher?" And I'm like, "Come on, I stuck with it for two days."
Guy 2: I'm not keeping kosher either.
Guy 1: It's like, yeah, we got out of Egypt, but it's not that big a deal.

-becker, heard by ad'a


Gene Simmons claims to do this

Bro 1: He's got this drawer-full of pictures, dude. All different girls.
Bro 2: Have you seen it?
Bro 1: Yeaaah, dude. Sketch.

-statler, also ad'a


I have had sadly similar conversations

Smoking guy #1: Cancer is, like, the new orange.
Smoking guy #2: Yeah, I don't want to die now, but I don't want to be like 80.
Smoking guy #1: Yeah, exactly.

-outside bethe house, heard by kimothy


Friends don't let friends serial murder

Guy 1: I hope there's no one in that lounge.
Guy 2: Me too.
Guy 3: If there's anyone there, I'll kill them all. I'll slit their throats.

-west campus, heard by kimothy


Two Bingo related overheards? Yes!

Bingo number caller: D65
[silence]
Bingo players: There's no D in BINGO
Bingo number caller: It looks like a D, really!

Didn't know the mic was on?

Bingo number caller #2: I pick up lots of chicks, G56. But when I don't, I masterbate, B8.

-bingo heaven, heard by bingo player


Thanks kids.
Keep up the good work.
-overheardatcornell@gmail.com