Ten days all at once HUGE UPDATE!

Blamo!
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I'd miss it too

Guy: I used to have sex every Tuesday afternoon.
Girl: Oh really?
Guy: Yeah, ever since, I've been trying to fill the void.

-libe, heard by buddha


There are some alpha delts living above me, and I'll just say this makes total sense.

Drunk frat guy: I don't care that she was 300 pounds, she still had a phenomenal rack!

-outside alpha delt, heard by hearing aid


That line never works

Girl: I'm going to A Chi O
Boy: Why, so you can be a lesbian?

-college ave, heard by xcutterboix


Stubborn to a fault, or in a neck brace?

Stumbling freshman girl: When I get drunk, I don't even know what clothes are on me.
Stumbling freshman friend: (mutters)
Stumbling freshman girl: Like right now, I don't even know what I'm wearing.
Stumbling freshman friend: (incomprehensible)
Stumbling freshman girl: No, seriously. I don't know what I am wearing right now.

-outside bear awesome, heard by fully clothed


Hey! Hotelies need love too.

Guy on cell phone: Hey man, I just got my first hug. It was fancy.

-terrace restaurant, heard by blah


For most Cornellians, homework is the best part

Guy on cell: I'm drunk as fuck right now...yeah I went out after my chem test, and they had strippers! got a lapdance...she was bangin'. You wanna know the best part dude? I'm doing homework haha!...yeah...its due tomorrow.

-appel, heard by zui


SOTBs

Scarfed kid: He's not even fresh off the boat, he's still on the boat, right?

-thurston, heard by billstar


Food science majors? Idiots? You decide.

Guy 1: How do you measure salad dressing?
Guy 2: (refers to notes) Ounces.
Guy 1: How much salad dressing do you put on a salad...in ounces?
*15 minutes later*
Guy 1: How do you define a sports drink? Juice?
Guy 1: Cause its not really juice...

-duffield, heard by burke


You know...riiiing

Guy on Cell Phone: Huh? Hello? Oh hey, what's up, yeah that's weird my phone didn't ring...like, it didn't go riiiiing riiiiing.

-east seneca, heard by hearing aid


So cute!

Sorority girl en route to semiformal: We should have a super formal! It'd be so cute.

-miyake, heard by twombly


Wind tunnels are hot

Blowhard: ...it's like forcing your dick into a wind tunnel! he's trying to fight his way inside the vagina!

-becker house, heard by twombly


All that is man

Drunk guy yelling at passerby: I know where you at, and you know where I'm at, and I ain't moving. Oh, here comes a chick! [pokes her in the boob]

-the middle of the street, dryden, heard by benji


So Much Squirrels!

Guy 1: So, we should do some sort of a school prank.
Guy 2: Wouldn't it be cool if we poisoned all the acorns on campus and had all the squirrels eat them and die? Imagine. Dead squirrels everywhere.

-outside wsh, heard by anonymous


A good night, by all accounts

Dude: Hey man, do I have any more swastikas on my face? I tried to wash them all off...

-temple of zeus, heard by zak


You have to look out for sand, too

Freshman Girl: It's so much better when it's cold than it is when it's warm- all you can do when it's 115 degrees out is sit around and air out your vagina flaps!

-outside rpu, heard by broyhaha


If this was you, I could use her number

sorority girl: my grandma is HOTTTT! well, not hott exactly....but she is single!

-oakenshields, heard by jankster


Cultural Awareness is dope

Townie bro: should we put the red dots on our heads? do the boys even put the dots on their heads? or only girls?
Townie dude: no dumbass, the terrorists don't put dots on their heads at all!

-ac moore, heard by jankster