Sick of the overwhelming stupid smacking you in the ear every day at Cornell University? Send us the hilarious, stupid or just out there things you hear, when and where you heard them, and by who (no names, just generic description) and we'll publish them. Either post it as a comment or send it to Good luck, and happy hearing

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Ten days all at once HUGE UPDATE!


I'd miss it too

Guy: I used to have sex every Tuesday afternoon.
Girl: Oh really?
Guy: Yeah, ever since, I've been trying to fill the void.

-libe, heard by buddha

There are some alpha delts living above me, and I'll just say this makes total sense.

Drunk frat guy: I don't care that she was 300 pounds, she still had a phenomenal rack!

-outside alpha delt, heard by hearing aid

That line never works

Girl: I'm going to A Chi O
Boy: Why, so you can be a lesbian?

-college ave, heard by xcutterboix

Stubborn to a fault, or in a neck brace?

Stumbling freshman girl: When I get drunk, I don't even know what clothes are on me.
Stumbling freshman friend: (mutters)
Stumbling freshman girl: Like right now, I don't even know what I'm wearing.
Stumbling freshman friend: (incomprehensible)
Stumbling freshman girl: No, seriously. I don't know what I am wearing right now.

-outside bear awesome, heard by fully clothed

Hey! Hotelies need love too.

Guy on cell phone: Hey man, I just got my first hug. It was fancy.

-terrace restaurant, heard by blah

For most Cornellians, homework is the best part

Guy on cell: I'm drunk as fuck right now...yeah I went out after my chem test, and they had strippers! got a lapdance...she was bangin'. You wanna know the best part dude? I'm doing homework haha!...yeah...its due tomorrow.

-appel, heard by zui


Scarfed kid: He's not even fresh off the boat, he's still on the boat, right?

-thurston, heard by billstar

Food science majors? Idiots? You decide.

Guy 1: How do you measure salad dressing?
Guy 2: (refers to notes) Ounces.
Guy 1: How much salad dressing do you put on a ounces?
*15 minutes later*
Guy 1: How do you define a sports drink? Juice?
Guy 1: Cause its not really juice...

-duffield, heard by burke

You know...riiiing

Guy on Cell Phone: Huh? Hello? Oh hey, what's up, yeah that's weird my phone didn't, it didn't go riiiiing riiiiing.

-east seneca, heard by hearing aid

So cute!

Sorority girl en route to semiformal: We should have a super formal! It'd be so cute.

-miyake, heard by twombly

Wind tunnels are hot

Blowhard:'s like forcing your dick into a wind tunnel! he's trying to fight his way inside the vagina!

-becker house, heard by twombly

All that is man

Drunk guy yelling at passerby: I know where you at, and you know where I'm at, and I ain't moving. Oh, here comes a chick! [pokes her in the boob]

-the middle of the street, dryden, heard by benji

So Much Squirrels!

Guy 1: So, we should do some sort of a school prank.
Guy 2: Wouldn't it be cool if we poisoned all the acorns on campus and had all the squirrels eat them and die? Imagine. Dead squirrels everywhere.

-outside wsh, heard by anonymous

A good night, by all accounts

Dude: Hey man, do I have any more swastikas on my face? I tried to wash them all off...

-temple of zeus, heard by zak

You have to look out for sand, too

Freshman Girl: It's so much better when it's cold than it is when it's warm- all you can do when it's 115 degrees out is sit around and air out your vagina flaps!

-outside rpu, heard by broyhaha

If this was you, I could use her number

sorority girl: my grandma is HOTTTT! well, not hott exactly....but she is single!

-oakenshields, heard by jankster

Cultural Awareness is dope

Townie bro: should we put the red dots on our heads? do the boys even put the dots on their heads? or only girls?
Townie dude: no dumbass, the terrorists don't put dots on their heads at all!

-ac moore, heard by jankster


Anonymous Anonymous said...

guy 1: sorry man, i can't. i've got the annual thanksgiving dinner at (fraternity).
guy 2: c'mon
guy 1: nah, i've got to. besides it's a good time. we use it to entice possible pledges.
guy 2: any girls?
guy 1: not really, but talking to the prospectives is kinda like hitting on a girl. we just try to get them drunk and then just start talking to them. you know 'what school are you in, what's your major." kinda awkward. but it works. soon they're hooked and they're our bitches.

3:16 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

confused girl to another confused girl: you're a man-whore? i'm a man-whore too!

heard in mann library elevator

12:45 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

guy wearing his tie as a headband and leaning out of an SUV, to some passersby: You're not dressed like a homo! Neither am I!

north campus

12:54 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Construction worker stuck on a roof: What?
Construction worker on the ground: I really don't like you. That's all I was thinking...See ya!

heard near MVR

12:04 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

TXA girl: For me, Asia.

Ag Quad

1:40 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

maybe they meant "mann-whore"? if it was in the mann library?

4:12 PM

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1:48 AM


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