Haha...oops

Ok, yeah, I've been reticent at my post. Its been 3 weeks without an update. I offer no excuses, except complete laziness and ennui. Anyway, here are a couple to tide you over with a BIG HONKING UPDATE coming next.
-the ear


We've all been there

Girl : It was a bad night... I was drunk... and high... and I ate half a bottle of ketchup.

-hec auditorium goldwin smith, heard by xcuterboix


That's so gay

Frat boy: I am so secure in my sexuality that I would do another man in the ass just to make him feel uncomfortable.

-trillium, heard by doug


Gold diggers

Kid: I want to die while boning some girl 40 years younger than me
Same Kid: Dude, my second wife isn't even born yet.

-lost dog, heard by doug


We don't smoke! We don't drink! We don't fuck! How the hell are you supposed to think?

Drunk girl #1: You're chainsmoking??
Drunk girl #2: No! My boyfriend is straight edge!
Drunk girl #1: Do I even know what that IS?

-dryden, heard by rv


Surprising Clarity

Guy 1: Sorry man, I can't. I've got the annual thanksgiving dinner at (fraternity).
Guy 2: C'mon
Guy 1: Nah, I've got to. Besides it's a good time. We use it to entice possible pledges.
Guy 2: Any girls?
Guy 1: Not really, but talking to the prospectives is kinda like hitting on a girl. We just try to get them drunk and then just start talking to them. You know 'what school are you in, what's your major." Kinda awkward. But it works. Soon they're hooked and they're our bitches.

-location unknown, heard by anonymous


Family bonding, not bondage!

Freshman Hotelie Girl: Why would you take a 13-year-old to a whorehouse? That's just...weird...

-statler, heard by virgin ears


Around 0...brain cells

Smart freshman: The Indus Valley civilization was around in 5000 BC. The Buddha was around in 2000 BC.
Not-so-smart freshman: So when was Christianity?

-location unknown, heard by nate


All of these amazing things were said by the same 3 wonderful boys waiting in line for Bob Sagat

Freshman guy 1: Dude, check out her ugly jacket...she's like an eskimo
Freshman guy 2: No dude, she's an eski-ho!
(the whole group of 5 of them break out into hysterical laughter)

Freshman guy 1: I swear man, why can't we cut this line?
Freshman guy 2: Yeah, we should totally punch people in the kidneys and just run to the front
Freshman guy 3: Yeah man, we can take all of them. We'd kill them.

Freshman guy 1: Wait, you like Family Guy?
Freshman girl 1: Yeah
Freshman guy 1: Sweet! That's fucking awesome. Family Guy is the best fucking show in fucking history. (gives her a high five)

Freshman guy 1: Let's just have a real fight right now...maybe we could cut to the front in the chaos.
Freshman guy 2: What? Are you serious?
Freshman guy 1: No totally, let's have a real fight. I'd kill you.
(shoves guy #2)
Freshman guy 2: Don't touch me, that's so gay. If you touch me again, I'll fucking kill you, you fag.

-sagat line, heard graciously by scott

Classes are almost over, so peoples' brain capacities are at an all time low. Exploit this for our entertainment! overheardatcornell@gmail.com