Sick of the overwhelming stupid smacking you in the ear every day at Cornell University? Send us the hilarious, stupid or just out there things you hear, when and where you heard them, and by who (no names, just generic description) and we'll publish them. Either post it as a comment or send it to Good luck, and happy hearing

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


Ok, yeah, I've been reticent at my post. Its been 3 weeks without an update. I offer no excuses, except complete laziness and ennui. Anyway, here are a couple to tide you over with a BIG HONKING UPDATE coming next.
-the ear

We've all been there

Girl : It was a bad night... I was drunk... and high... and I ate half a bottle of ketchup.

-hec auditorium goldwin smith, heard by xcuterboix

That's so gay

Frat boy: I am so secure in my sexuality that I would do another man in the ass just to make him feel uncomfortable.

-trillium, heard by doug

Gold diggers

Kid: I want to die while boning some girl 40 years younger than me
Same Kid: Dude, my second wife isn't even born yet.

-lost dog, heard by doug

We don't smoke! We don't drink! We don't fuck! How the hell are you supposed to think?

Drunk girl #1: You're chainsmoking??
Drunk girl #2: No! My boyfriend is straight edge!
Drunk girl #1: Do I even know what that IS?

-dryden, heard by rv

Surprising Clarity

Guy 1: Sorry man, I can't. I've got the annual thanksgiving dinner at (fraternity).
Guy 2: C'mon
Guy 1: Nah, I've got to. Besides it's a good time. We use it to entice possible pledges.
Guy 2: Any girls?
Guy 1: Not really, but talking to the prospectives is kinda like hitting on a girl. We just try to get them drunk and then just start talking to them. You know 'what school are you in, what's your major." Kinda awkward. But it works. Soon they're hooked and they're our bitches.

-location unknown, heard by anonymous

Family bonding, not bondage!

Freshman Hotelie Girl: Why would you take a 13-year-old to a whorehouse? That's just...weird...

-statler, heard by virgin ears

Around 0...brain cells

Smart freshman: The Indus Valley civilization was around in 5000 BC. The Buddha was around in 2000 BC.
Not-so-smart freshman: So when was Christianity?

-location unknown, heard by nate

All of these amazing things were said by the same 3 wonderful boys waiting in line for Bob Sagat

Freshman guy 1: Dude, check out her ugly jacket...she's like an eskimo
Freshman guy 2: No dude, she's an eski-ho!
(the whole group of 5 of them break out into hysterical laughter)

Freshman guy 1: I swear man, why can't we cut this line?
Freshman guy 2: Yeah, we should totally punch people in the kidneys and just run to the front
Freshman guy 3: Yeah man, we can take all of them. We'd kill them.

Freshman guy 1: Wait, you like Family Guy?
Freshman girl 1: Yeah
Freshman guy 1: Sweet! That's fucking awesome. Family Guy is the best fucking show in fucking history. (gives her a high five)

Freshman guy 1: Let's just have a real fight right now...maybe we could cut to the front in the chaos.
Freshman guy 2: What? Are you serious?
Freshman guy 1: No totally, let's have a real fight. I'd kill you.
(shoves guy #2)
Freshman guy 2: Don't touch me, that's so gay. If you touch me again, I'll fucking kill you, you fag.

-sagat line, heard graciously by scott

Classes are almost over, so peoples' brain capacities are at an all time low. Exploit this for our entertainment!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Girl #1: All you're eating for lunch is an apple?
Girl #2: Yeah, I ate a big breakfast. I had a whole bowl of cereal AND a banana.
- Trillium

2:56 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Girl on cell: You want to know if $55 is too much for an arm wax?
Girl on cell: You spent $130 on waxing?!

TXA Department

5:47 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's a facilities guy cleaning the external elevator door in Bauer Hall that tells crowd they are welcome to use the elevator if they want. They enter the elevator and once they reach their floor, one girl, from here on out nicknamed Ingrid, volunteers: "I'll send the elevator back down to him so he can finish cleaning the door"

9:41 PM

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1:47 AM


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