BIG HONKING UPDATE!

As promised (though slightly later then planned) a huge giganto update with everything over the last two or three weeks. Enjoy, and good luck on finals! There'll be one more update before the semester's end. Submit!
-the ear

This girl is going to fail her finals

Guy: Yeah, I've been doing most of my studying in the stacks.
Girl: Oh. Where is that?

-between olin and uris, heard by alice


She doesn't practice what she preaches

Girl 1: Well, I mean, that's probably for the best, because it's not like college is only about going to frat parties and sleeping with boys.
*silence*
Girl 2: Ummm...
*silence*

-college ave, heard by the ear


These people might save your life someday

Walkie-talkie of Student EMT 1: Two-car motor vehicle accident, minor injuries...
Student EMT 2: Dude...how far away is that? We should go...I'm bored.
Student EMT 1: Nah, let's get some ice cream.

-rpu dining hall, heard by scott


Oh Gosh, you will never get a date this way

Guy: You know what would be great? If degrees of freedom meant the temperature of the white house.
Girls:
Guy: It was bad, I know. ... What if it meant the temperature at which the declaration of independence is kept.

-uris hall, heard by drama


I agree with her

Pensive Male: Pine is such a great word.
Lankey Female: What do you mean?
Pensive Male: Well, you can't exactly Spruce for someone, can you?
Lankey Female: You should go to prison for the jokes you make.

-burger king, heard by buddha


Oh gosh, the door stays darlin'

There's a facilities guy cleaning the external elevator door. He lets a crowd use the elevator. They enter the elevator and once they reach their floor, one girl volunteers: I'll send the elevator back down to him so he can finish cleaning the door!

-bauer hall, heard by anonymous


Cornell! Cornell!

Girl: Can I have a hot chocolate please?
Cafe Worker: What size?
Girl: Hot.

-tatkon center, heard by anonymous


They are rather easily confused

Girl one: Oh, is he gay?
Girl two: No, he's french.

-green dragon, heard by meghan


This is the saddest attempt to retain dignity ever.

Architect Girl walks in: See they ordered Peace!!
Architects eating (stare back at her): This is Vietnamese
Architect Girl: uhhh, Asian?!

-green dragon, heard by fox


Too much

Girl on cell: You want to know if $55 is too much for an arm wax?
[pause]
Girl on cell: You spent $130 on waxing?!

-txa department, heard by d'a


Dude, I practically grew up on the farm, alright? Jeez.

Guy 1: Dude, have you ever, ya know, worked with slop?
Guy 2: Yeah. I've done it.
Guy 1: No, seriously dude, you've never been there... with the trough...
Guy 2: Dude, I totally have done it.
Guy 1: When?
Guy 2: I dunno man, but I've done it.

-location unknown, heard by florack


"Whatever"

Girl 1: So I was, like, in this hot tub with this guy, and we're like, making out or whatever.
Girl 2: Uh huh...
Girl 1: And then I go "what's your name?" and I think he said something but I was like "whatever."

-arts quad, heard by alex b


Diversity is Awesome

Bro 1: I dunno, I'm really into hip-hop right now.
Bro 2: Yeah?
Bro 1: Yeah, this year I've got a black roommate...
Bro 2: Oh sweet!

-collegetown, heard by the ear


And probably some Tasti-d later, huh?

Girl #1: All you're eating for lunch is an apple?
Girl #2: Yeah, I ate a big breakfast. I had a whole bowl of cereal AND a banana.

-trillium, heard by anonymous


Well, one is like...fuck they're the same

Girl with latte: No, you have to help me out here. I know Ruloff's is relaxed and casual, but what is Dino's?? Relaxed and laid-back?? Is that the difference?

-tower, heard by rv


Ode to Love

Brodude: I don't get why you have to be in love to suck dick.
Girl: SHUT UUUUPP!! (giggles)

-arts quad, heard by mceach


Saucy!

Construction worker stuck on a roof: What?
Construction worker on the ground: I really don't like you. That's all I was thinking...See ya!

-mvr, heard by d'a


Doesn't really work that way...

Boy on phone: I went to gannet and told them I needed emergency contraception.

-terrace, heard by michelle


Holy nerdfest Batman!

Nerd 1: You know, we never really have to grow up. We just have to know when to act like we're actually adults.
Nerd 2, on Laptop: Shut up, I'm watching Batman the Animated Series.

-duffield, heard by doug


Harsh but fair

Student: Is "too" an adverb?
English Professor: Why do you care?

-white hall, heard by maria


Dont bet on it

Frat Boy: We are ivy league educated men – we can figure out how to turn a bed sheet into a toga.

-collegetown, heard by maria


Perhaps the word man confused you?

Confused girl to another confused girl: You're a man-whore? I'm a man-whore too!

-mann library elevator, heard by anonymous