Sick of the overwhelming stupid smacking you in the ear every day at Cornell University? Send us the hilarious, stupid or just out there things you hear, when and where you heard them, and by who (no names, just generic description) and we'll publish them. Either post it as a comment or send it to Good luck, and happy hearing

Sunday, December 10, 2006


As promised (though slightly later then planned) a huge giganto update with everything over the last two or three weeks. Enjoy, and good luck on finals! There'll be one more update before the semester's end. Submit!
-the ear

This girl is going to fail her finals

Guy: Yeah, I've been doing most of my studying in the stacks.
Girl: Oh. Where is that?

-between olin and uris, heard by alice

She doesn't practice what she preaches

Girl 1: Well, I mean, that's probably for the best, because it's not like college is only about going to frat parties and sleeping with boys.
Girl 2: Ummm...

-college ave, heard by the ear

These people might save your life someday

Walkie-talkie of Student EMT 1: Two-car motor vehicle accident, minor injuries...
Student EMT 2: far away is that? We should go...I'm bored.
Student EMT 1: Nah, let's get some ice cream.

-rpu dining hall, heard by scott

Oh Gosh, you will never get a date this way

Guy: You know what would be great? If degrees of freedom meant the temperature of the white house.
Guy: It was bad, I know. ... What if it meant the temperature at which the declaration of independence is kept.

-uris hall, heard by drama

I agree with her

Pensive Male: Pine is such a great word.
Lankey Female: What do you mean?
Pensive Male: Well, you can't exactly Spruce for someone, can you?
Lankey Female: You should go to prison for the jokes you make.

-burger king, heard by buddha

Oh gosh, the door stays darlin'

There's a facilities guy cleaning the external elevator door. He lets a crowd use the elevator. They enter the elevator and once they reach their floor, one girl volunteers: I'll send the elevator back down to him so he can finish cleaning the door!

-bauer hall, heard by anonymous

Cornell! Cornell!

Girl: Can I have a hot chocolate please?
Cafe Worker: What size?
Girl: Hot.

-tatkon center, heard by anonymous

They are rather easily confused

Girl one: Oh, is he gay?
Girl two: No, he's french.

-green dragon, heard by meghan

This is the saddest attempt to retain dignity ever.

Architect Girl walks in: See they ordered Peace!!
Architects eating (stare back at her): This is Vietnamese
Architect Girl: uhhh, Asian?!

-green dragon, heard by fox

Too much

Girl on cell: You want to know if $55 is too much for an arm wax?
Girl on cell: You spent $130 on waxing?!

-txa department, heard by d'a

Dude, I practically grew up on the farm, alright? Jeez.

Guy 1: Dude, have you ever, ya know, worked with slop?
Guy 2: Yeah. I've done it.
Guy 1: No, seriously dude, you've never been there... with the trough...
Guy 2: Dude, I totally have done it.
Guy 1: When?
Guy 2: I dunno man, but I've done it.

-location unknown, heard by florack


Girl 1: So I was, like, in this hot tub with this guy, and we're like, making out or whatever.
Girl 2: Uh huh...
Girl 1: And then I go "what's your name?" and I think he said something but I was like "whatever."

-arts quad, heard by alex b

Diversity is Awesome

Bro 1: I dunno, I'm really into hip-hop right now.
Bro 2: Yeah?
Bro 1: Yeah, this year I've got a black roommate...
Bro 2: Oh sweet!

-collegetown, heard by the ear

And probably some Tasti-d later, huh?

Girl #1: All you're eating for lunch is an apple?
Girl #2: Yeah, I ate a big breakfast. I had a whole bowl of cereal AND a banana.

-trillium, heard by anonymous

Well, one is like...fuck they're the same

Girl with latte: No, you have to help me out here. I know Ruloff's is relaxed and casual, but what is Dino's?? Relaxed and laid-back?? Is that the difference?

-tower, heard by rv

Ode to Love

Brodude: I don't get why you have to be in love to suck dick.
Girl: SHUT UUUUPP!! (giggles)

-arts quad, heard by mceach


Construction worker stuck on a roof: What?
Construction worker on the ground: I really don't like you. That's all I was thinking...See ya!

-mvr, heard by d'a

Doesn't really work that way...

Boy on phone: I went to gannet and told them I needed emergency contraception.

-terrace, heard by michelle

Holy nerdfest Batman!

Nerd 1: You know, we never really have to grow up. We just have to know when to act like we're actually adults.
Nerd 2, on Laptop: Shut up, I'm watching Batman the Animated Series.

-duffield, heard by doug

Harsh but fair

Student: Is "too" an adverb?
English Professor: Why do you care?

-white hall, heard by maria

Dont bet on it

Frat Boy: We are ivy league educated men – we can figure out how to turn a bed sheet into a toga.

-collegetown, heard by maria

Perhaps the word man confused you?

Confused girl to another confused girl: You're a man-whore? I'm a man-whore too!

-mann library elevator, heard by anonymous


Anonymous Anonymous said...

..I'm guessing for the last one it was "mann-whore"

2:59 PM

Blogger Beeeej said...

Please be more careful with the HTML markup on your LiveJournal feed. It looks AWFUL.

1:35 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Drunk Freshman Chick to drunk dude: I wouldn't drink beer out of your mouth - because beer is gross!

-North Campus

12:40 AM


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