Whack Attack

Sorry kinder. Been a while. Here comes some updates.

College is gonna teach you a lot, kid

Freshman: Yeah, Donlon is shaped like a vagina.
O.L.: Ummm....I think you mean thong.
Freshman: Aren't they the same thing?

-outside donlon, heard by nirmal


Sometimes reputations must be earned, young one

Girl : Wait, so why do you hate Harvard, Yale, and Princeton?
Guy: Cause we should be just as overated and pretentious, but we're not.

-rpcc, heard by neil


It is, in fact, this easy

Guy: Where are you going?
Friend in Suit: To sell out. Wanna come?

-tower road, heard by meg

I think this kid could very well live on my street

Girl on cell, 3pm on a Tuesday: Wait, you're seriously this drunk right now? Wow.

-arts quad, also meg


But I also can't walk. What do I do?

(Girl in car pulls up next to two guys walking by the road)
Girl: I can't drive this car. It's my friend's car and I got a flat tire, and I really needed to drive. I'm afraid to drive it, I might get in an accident.
Guy 1: Where are you going?
Girl: To the gym. (awkward pause) Girl: And I'm afraid I'll get in an accident.

-linden ave, heard by kimothy


But it had wings! It was pretty much a bird!

Girl 1: A bird just flew into my ear and dropped DEAD on the GROUND!
Girl 2: Really?? Is it still there??
Girl 3: It wasn't a real bird, it was just a big bug.

-cook st, heard by lolz


Pronounced Nu-q-ler

Concerned boy: If we don't do something about Iran, I predict we will see another nuclear war in our lifetimes.
Confused boy: Wait, when was the first one?
Concerned boy: You mean... World War 2?
Confused boy: We used nuclear weapons during WW2?
Girl across table: My God, please PLEASE put down People Magazine and read a fucking textbook!

-trillium, heard by jaydot


Still in love with that Patty Mayonaise

Three Frat-tastic Dudes: OOOOOO EEE UUUUUUUU, KILLER TOFU!!!!!

-arts quad, heard by buddha


This is a serious evolutionary turn on

Chick on cell phone: I'm on birth control AND we used condoms. It was ONE time! That's how fertile I am!

-outside the schwartz center, heard by snafu


P-I-M-P

Asian guy 1: So, besides being a pimp and having sex and going to parties what else do you do?
Asian guy 2: Well, I'm a peer advisor...

-the bus, heard by ad'a

Thanks kids. Submit as though your entire earlobes depended on it.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

PS- Jaydot, I'm well. Thanks for asking.

Im back Bitches!

Sorry Gents and ladies, just finally gots the intraweb in my homespace and now I can update. Here we go!

Introspection, Cornell style

Girl: So I've recently reached the conclusion that I fart way too much.

-rpcc, heard by grossed out


Let it Be, Cornell style

Engineering Girl: It was weird seeing [frat boys] sober. It reminded me that they're real people too.

-engineering quad, heard by baw


Judith Butler is writing an angry letter as we speak

Prof: So the U. S. has its fingers in every dike.

-international relations class, heard by ross


Otherwise Im just not sleeping at DU again

Girl on cell: Pleeeease change your sheets. It's been like three months. I'm begging - I'm actually begging you to change the sheets. Please.

-martha's, heard by bcw


Clearly, she doesn't realize waving could distract him right into the street...

Girl: Oh look, there's that guy I know
Guy: Then why aren't you waving to him?
Girl: Because I want him to DIE!!

-arts quad, head by blane


Like...naked cuddle close

Questioning Boy: I could be gay, but I don't like men.
Confused Girl: I'm like almost a lesbian, but not quite, but I feel like it's close enough. My girls and I are close, really close.

-arts quad, heard by j-z


That's what I call 'home'

Boy on cell: Yeah, well, I don't define a 'city' as a place where you need to carry a switchblade to get to Dunkin Donuts.

-outside ctb, heard by chiashurb


Oh, to be young

Group of guys (looking at condoms): Hey,what's your cheapest 3-pack?
Jason (to employees): Girls, did you hear that?
Employee: Dude, they're ALL cheaper than a baby!

-jason's, heard by jerm


Not clear with the concept of circles

Guy 1: How do we get to where you are??
Guy 2: Go around the house!
Guy 1: ...which side??

-blair street, heard by chuckles


How do I get in the class these girls are studying for?

Showering Girl 1, shouting to be heard over the water: What was the most popular sport in [garbled; sounds like "British"] colonies?
Showering Girl 2, also shouting: What? Nudist colonies?
SG1: Yeah.
SG2: Um... Tennis?
SG1: Oh!
SG2: Was I right?
SG1: I don't know.

-girl's bathroom, donlon, heard by ferret

More soon!
Love
The Ear
overheardatcornell@gmail.com