Wasted on a Friday night...

And I hope you are too. Here are a coupla new ones, lovelies.


I can't believe I've never tried this

Guy: I figure, being Jewish, I can walk up to any professor and make up a random Hebrew word and claim it's that holiday. No one messes with our holidays.
Girl: Well, what if your professor is Jewish?
Guy: You just have to know these things. Just look at his nose, man. I have the best jew-dar ever.

-statler elevator, heard by meg


I'd give her a tshirt for this

Preppy girl: I want a tee shirt! I mean, I stuck my head in a vagina, I totally deserve one!

-rpcc vagina carnival, heard by what would you do for a tee shirt?


Very rational plan

Sorority girl #1: I got invited on a wine tour Saturday morning. So I don't know if I want to go out tonight, because I have to drink really early tomorrow.
Sorority girl #2: You're not coming tonight?
Sorority girl #1: Well, the dance floor there is always really hot. So, if I don't have to dance, I don't have to drink...maybe I'll come.

-the bus, heard by ad'a

I love you little children, and I dont just say that cuz im drunk.
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