Mondays. Sigh.

I've received a number of responses to my last post w/r/t Starbucks vs. CTB, some taking sides fiercely, some pretty ambivalent. I am hardly the world's biggest CTB fan- it can be pretty overwhelming in there, especially w/out the patios, and the bagels, though delicious, are overpriced. But, that said, if I came back for a ten year reunion, and in CTB's place there was an Au Bon Pain, I'd be pretty sad. If that wouldn't bother you, then I can say nothing to convince you otherwise, except, really? Really?

Anyway, back to the real business what we are gathered for.
Submit!
-the ear


She's trying to saw 'awry'. Also, the second girl hits the nail right on the head in that last line.

Acapellicious Sorostitute: Oh my god, Stephanie was so immature in rehearsal.
Uninterested Sorostitute: Really?
AS: Yeah, so she was saying we sounded really "ow-ree", you know like we sang awkward or something...and I was like "actually, it's aw-ree". And she like tried to argue with me, but we all know it's "aw-ree".
US: Really?
AS: Oh my god yeah, and later on, she was so immature that she went on dictionary.com and looked up "aw-ree" and Emailed it to all of us...I mean, like grow up!
US: Wow...a capella groups sound so interesting.

-tcat, heard by scott


When I first heard this joke it was much more racist...

Asian Kid 1: (from his email) Whats the difference between someone with a math PhD and a pizza? (pause) A pizza can feed a family.
Asian Kid 2: (laughs) Who sent that to you?
Asian Kid 1: My mom did.
Asian Kid 2: You have the coolest mom ever!
(Kids high five each other)

-ives, heard by anonymous


I dont know which is worse, not knowing that or loving that movie

Dumb chick: Rosie O'Donnell is a lesbian?
Smarter chick: Yes. Betty from the Flintstones is a lesbian.
Dumb chick: Omigod! Ohhh! That is the best movie ever..
Smarter chick: It's really not.

-bus, heard by ad'a


I still haven't gotten wasted in the stacks yet. Gotta get on that.

Sorority girl: ...and there's also the library, which has the best beer on campus- I mean, the best COFFEE on campus...

-rpcc, heard by al


A real humanitarian

Asian girl: That's why I litter - it's more of me to go around!

-thurston bridge, also heard by al


I completely agree

Guy: Paying for water is like slapping Jesus in the face.

-upson design studio, heard by enginerd


Glasses would not have helped Helen Keller.

Belligerent broheim to referee: Hey Helen Keller, put some fucking glasses on!!!!!! (incredulous stares) Hey, come on guys, I'm drunk, it is not supposed to make sense!!

-lynah rink, heard by the jankster


She just doesn't know what she wants

Smartly Dressed Woman: Do you have any all tofu sushi?
Cheery Employee: We don't have any with just the tofu, but this combo has some tofu and then a few of the salmon pieces. would you like to try that?
Woman: Oh, god no, I do not eat fish, I just wanted tofu...I'll have that tuna lavash instead.

-green dragon, heard by the jankster

More to come soon! Submit, my beautiful little peaches.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com