Sick of the overwhelming stupid smacking you in the ear every day at Cornell University? Send us the hilarious, stupid or just out there things you hear, when and where you heard them, and by who (no names, just generic description) and we'll publish them. Either post it as a comment or send it to Good luck, and happy hearing

Monday, March 05, 2007

Mondays. Sigh.

I've received a number of responses to my last post w/r/t Starbucks vs. CTB, some taking sides fiercely, some pretty ambivalent. I am hardly the world's biggest CTB fan- it can be pretty overwhelming in there, especially w/out the patios, and the bagels, though delicious, are overpriced. But, that said, if I came back for a ten year reunion, and in CTB's place there was an Au Bon Pain, I'd be pretty sad. If that wouldn't bother you, then I can say nothing to convince you otherwise, except, really? Really?

Anyway, back to the real business what we are gathered for.
-the ear

She's trying to saw 'awry'. Also, the second girl hits the nail right on the head in that last line.

Acapellicious Sorostitute: Oh my god, Stephanie was so immature in rehearsal.
Uninterested Sorostitute: Really?
AS: Yeah, so she was saying we sounded really "ow-ree", you know like we sang awkward or something...and I was like "actually, it's aw-ree". And she like tried to argue with me, but we all know it's "aw-ree".
US: Really?
AS: Oh my god yeah, and later on, she was so immature that she went on and looked up "aw-ree" and Emailed it to all of us...I mean, like grow up!
US: Wow...a capella groups sound so interesting.

-tcat, heard by scott

When I first heard this joke it was much more racist...

Asian Kid 1: (from his email) Whats the difference between someone with a math PhD and a pizza? (pause) A pizza can feed a family.
Asian Kid 2: (laughs) Who sent that to you?
Asian Kid 1: My mom did.
Asian Kid 2: You have the coolest mom ever!
(Kids high five each other)

-ives, heard by anonymous

I dont know which is worse, not knowing that or loving that movie

Dumb chick: Rosie O'Donnell is a lesbian?
Smarter chick: Yes. Betty from the Flintstones is a lesbian.
Dumb chick: Omigod! Ohhh! That is the best movie ever..
Smarter chick: It's really not.

-bus, heard by ad'a

I still haven't gotten wasted in the stacks yet. Gotta get on that.

Sorority girl: ...and there's also the library, which has the best beer on campus- I mean, the best COFFEE on campus...

-rpcc, heard by al

A real humanitarian

Asian girl: That's why I litter - it's more of me to go around!

-thurston bridge, also heard by al

I completely agree

Guy: Paying for water is like slapping Jesus in the face.

-upson design studio, heard by enginerd

Glasses would not have helped Helen Keller.

Belligerent broheim to referee: Hey Helen Keller, put some fucking glasses on!!!!!! (incredulous stares) Hey, come on guys, I'm drunk, it is not supposed to make sense!!

-lynah rink, heard by the jankster

She just doesn't know what she wants

Smartly Dressed Woman: Do you have any all tofu sushi?
Cheery Employee: We don't have any with just the tofu, but this combo has some tofu and then a few of the salmon pieces. would you like to try that?
Woman: Oh, god no, I do not eat fish, I just wanted tofu...I'll have that tuna lavash instead.

-green dragon, heard by the jankster

More to come soon! Submit, my beautiful little peaches.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Enthusiastic law student: "I love tiny spoons!"
-Hughes, heard by Laura and Matt

9:19 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

sorostitute #1: oh, genius, i spelled cheese wrong.
sorostitute #2: that's nothing. sometimes i spell my own name wrong!

-Appel, heard by twombly

8:24 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...


Guy on phone: I don't want to see a single fucking Cornell girl over spring break.

- between Olin and Uris, heard by a Cornell girl

12:52 AM


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