Monday sometimes is like being shot in the ass with horse tranquilizers

Best if used before date on lid. Microwave until browning occurs. Refrigerate after opening. If not completely satisfied, mail back unused portion of product for refund of price of purchase. Do not consume if lid is popped or bag has swelled. Touch only with fork, not fingers. Any contaminant in environment should be removed for full flavor-enjoyment. Do not soil with reason, expectation, or candid and genuine excitement.

Submit me some overheards, or Ill come to your house and I'll light your little pantses on fire!
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Guess which part of 'sake bombing' this girl don't understand

Girl explaining sake bombing: It's a shot of vodka that you drop into a cup of beer.
Server: Actually, sake is japanese rice wine, not vodka.
Explaining Girl: Oh... well, I guess we'll take that if it's all you have. [Turns to other girl] I mean, EVERYWHERE ELSE, it's vodka.

-miyake, heard by anonymouse


Future Cornellians of Tomorrow...Today!

Babysitter to little boy: If you don't stop that, I'll cancel your playdate.
Little boy: I don't mind. (Keeps whining/making a mess)
Babysitter: Fine, if you don't stop, instead of the museum tomorrow we'll go bra and underwear shopping.
(Kid stops acting up).

-taste of thai, heard by jb


Ewww. My parents just don't understand. I go to Cornell.

Girl: Amazon.com? What did they get me...a *book*?

-appel package center, heard by disillusioned


Overcompensating

Guy: Do you guys ever get giant puddles underneath you, in class?
Weary friend: Yes.
Guy: Mine always seems to be so much bigger than everone else's.

-becker, heard by ad'a