Sick of the overwhelming stupid smacking you in the ear every day at Cornell University? Send us the hilarious, stupid or just out there things you hear, when and where you heard them, and by who (no names, just generic description) and we'll publish them. Either post it as a comment or send it to Good luck, and happy hearing

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Monday sometimes is like being shot in the ass with horse tranquilizers

Best if used before date on lid. Microwave until browning occurs. Refrigerate after opening. If not completely satisfied, mail back unused portion of product for refund of price of purchase. Do not consume if lid is popped or bag has swelled. Touch only with fork, not fingers. Any contaminant in environment should be removed for full flavor-enjoyment. Do not soil with reason, expectation, or candid and genuine excitement.

Submit me some overheards, or Ill come to your house and I'll light your little pantses on fire!

Guess which part of 'sake bombing' this girl don't understand

Girl explaining sake bombing: It's a shot of vodka that you drop into a cup of beer.
Server: Actually, sake is japanese rice wine, not vodka.
Explaining Girl: Oh... well, I guess we'll take that if it's all you have. [Turns to other girl] I mean, EVERYWHERE ELSE, it's vodka.

-miyake, heard by anonymouse

Future Cornellians of Tomorrow...Today!

Babysitter to little boy: If you don't stop that, I'll cancel your playdate.
Little boy: I don't mind. (Keeps whining/making a mess)
Babysitter: Fine, if you don't stop, instead of the museum tomorrow we'll go bra and underwear shopping.
(Kid stops acting up).

-taste of thai, heard by jb

Ewww. My parents just don't understand. I go to Cornell.

Girl: What did they get me...a *book*?

-appel package center, heard by disillusioned


Guy: Do you guys ever get giant puddles underneath you, in class?
Weary friend: Yes.
Guy: Mine always seems to be so much bigger than everone else's.

-becker, heard by ad'a


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorostitute1: wait, so you're SURE hes not gay...he totally seems like hes gay.
Sorostitute2: definitely least im pretty sure
Sorostitute1: sweet, im totally gonna hook up with him!

heard in frat party bathroom

3:01 AM


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