Big update because I love you.
Girl #1: Ewww, that tastes like glue! I mean, I imagine if I knew what glue tasted like, it would taste like that.
Girl #2: You know what tastes like glue? Rice noodles.
-hollister, heard by scott
I actually think I know who this one is...
Broheim: Dude, the last time I was in Donlon, I woke up confused and covered in blood.
-donlon, heard by b
Freud is feeling very smug up in heaven
Girl on cell: Yeah I mean, all the hot guys are gay and all the gay girls are ugly so it's like...no matter what Im screwed out of the hot ones! ... Yeah, I wish I was born with a penis...
-location unknown, heard by anonymous
Guy eating while talking on his cell: No, I'm busy. Yeah I'm...working on my writing seminar...stuff.
-okenshields, heard by anonymous
Refreshing clarity from a hotelie
Prospective hotelie: I've taken a couple classes and they all seem cool, you know?
Hotelie: Yeah, they're pretty good classes. You should definitely transfer. And I mean, why would you want a real job?
-statler, heard by mceach
Simon is their goldfish.
Girl 1: Hurry up!
Girl 2: I'm locking the door!
Girl 1: It doesn't matter, we don't have anything anyone would want to steal anyway.
Girl 2: Except our expensive cheese!!
Girl 1: ...And our laptops, and our iHome, and our dust buster in mint condition....
Girl 2: And Simon!
Girl 1: I used to love Simon...but he's so languid now...I don't think I love him anymore! Can that happen?
-donlon, heard by jane
This one...man, don't even touch this one.
Sorostitute: Hey you guys, can police just, like, pull cars over?
-college ave, this and the next two heard by pineapple girl
You know, sideways!
Tasti-D Ho: I'm sorry, these gloves just make me want to walk like a crab.
-collegetown candy & nuts
See "Stubborn or in a neck brace?"
Girl: I'm not wearing any pants and I didn't even realize it!
I had a lesbian stalker for a while. Turned out she just wanted my flannel.
Blonde on cell: So I called her up and asked her why she was so mad at me, and she was like "You called me like 500 times when I was with alan, and I think you're a creepy stalker. And I talked about it with him and he thinks you're a stalker too." And I was like, "You really think I'm some sort of lesbian stalker???" Oh my god, I'm so embarassed!
-arts quad, heard by rv
Maybe it's just our perception of the Easy Mac that is trippy.
Tanned orange sorowhore: Hey guys, I think we can all agree... Easy Mac is just not as good as it used to be. I mean, Easy Mac was so good when it came out! What happened? (really long pause) And I think the noodles were bigger.
-okenshields, heard by the merry jankster
A quick play on words, or merely a confused pervert?
Guy 1: What are you doing tonight? Sarah?
Guy 2: Nah, just some physics.
Guy 1: Is it hard?
Guy 2: I don't think it will be, but if it is, I'll tell Sar to strap one on and have her way with me!
-engineering library, heard by r
Really dude? Mine too! High Five!
Nerdy Boy: That's my FAVORITE landbridge!
-in a dorm, heard by yer mom's friend's dog's babysitter's mom
I really do hate people sometimes
Freshman Girl: Did you know that in Fiji they can't afford to buy Fiji water so they have to import it? Isn't that SAD??
-location unknown, heard by anonybus