Sick of the overwhelming stupid smacking you in the ear every day at Cornell University? Send us the hilarious, stupid or just out there things you hear, when and where you heard them, and by who (no names, just generic description) and we'll publish them. Either post it as a comment or send it to Good luck, and happy hearing

Sunday, February 18, 2007


Big update because I love you.

Paste Eater

Girl #1: Ewww, that tastes like glue! I mean, I imagine if I knew what glue tasted like, it would taste like that.
Girl #2: You know what tastes like glue? Rice noodles.

-hollister, heard by scott

I actually think I know who this one is...

Broheim: Dude, the last time I was in Donlon, I woke up confused and covered in blood.

-donlon, heard by b

Freud is feeling very smug up in heaven

Girl on cell: Yeah I mean, all the hot guys are gay and all the gay girls are ugly so it's matter what Im screwed out of the hot ones! ... Yeah, I wish I was born with a penis...

-location unknown, heard by anonymous


Guy eating while talking on his cell: No, I'm busy. Yeah I'm...working on my writing seminar...stuff.

-okenshields, heard by anonymous

Refreshing clarity from a hotelie

Prospective hotelie: I've taken a couple classes and they all seem cool, you know?
Hotelie: Yeah, they're pretty good classes. You should definitely transfer. And I mean, why would you want a real job?

-statler, heard by mceach

Simon is their goldfish.

Girl 1: Hurry up!
Girl 2: I'm locking the door!
Girl 1: It doesn't matter, we don't have anything anyone would want to steal anyway.
Girl 2: Except our expensive cheese!!
Girl 1: ...And our laptops, and our iHome, and our dust buster in mint condition....
Girl 2: And Simon!
Girl 1: I used to love Simon...but he's so languid now...I don't think I love him anymore! Can that happen?

-donlon, heard by jane

This, don't even touch this one.

Sorostitute: Hey you guys, can police just, like, pull cars over?

-college ave, this and the next two heard by pineapple girl

You know, sideways!

Tasti-D Ho: I'm sorry, these gloves just make me want to walk like a crab.

-collegetown candy & nuts

See "Stubborn or in a neck brace?"

Girl: I'm not wearing any pants and I didn't even realize it!


I had a lesbian stalker for a while. Turned out she just wanted my flannel.

Blonde on cell: So I called her up and asked her why she was so mad at me, and she was like "You called me like 500 times when I was with alan, and I think you're a creepy stalker. And I talked about it with him and he thinks you're a stalker too." And I was like, "You really think I'm some sort of lesbian stalker???" Oh my god, I'm so embarassed!

-arts quad, heard by rv

Maybe it's just our perception of the Easy Mac that is trippy.

Tanned orange sorowhore: Hey guys, I think we can all agree... Easy Mac is just not as good as it used to be. I mean, Easy Mac was so good when it came out! What happened? (really long pause) And I think the noodles were bigger.

-okenshields, heard by the merry jankster

A quick play on words, or merely a confused pervert?

Guy 1: What are you doing tonight? Sarah?
Guy 2: Nah, just some physics.
Guy 1: Is it hard?
Guy 2: I don't think it will be, but if it is, I'll tell Sar to strap one on and have her way with me!

-engineering library, heard by r

Really dude? Mine too! High Five!

Nerdy Boy: That's my FAVORITE landbridge!

-in a dorm, heard by yer mom's friend's dog's babysitter's mom

I really do hate people sometimes

Freshman Girl: Did you know that in Fiji they can't afford to buy Fiji water so they have to import it? Isn't that SAD??

-location unknown, heard by anonybus


Anonymous Anonymous said...

JavaCodeGuy i don't want to have kids i didn't expect to have
JavaCodeGuy they might try and call me and talk to me
JavaCodeGuy or guilt me into loving them
ixilTesiphon what the fuck are they going to do when you're like "ok, I have no emotional attachment to you, go away"
YixilTesiphon "I needed beer money 18 years and 9 months ago"
brian81486 i needed money to go to bars so i could get laid

8:42 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

brian81486 i wish i could get paid to jerk off

8:44 PM


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