Overheard at Cornell

Summertime in the city

2008-07-22T00:56:00.003-04:00

I know, I know. It's been a long time. You stopped checking the blog, you gave up on the possibility of seeing it again, maybe you even started reading impostor overheard in the Sun. It's been hard for me to. Ive received emails of derision and desperation. I've felt guilty, filled with malaise. I even lost my ability to pick out overheards walking around campus. (Seriously, once you start trying, you can tell within five seconds whether a conversation you're hearing will give you a good one or not.) But then I realized, what the hell, the revenue from the google ads is too easy to give up.
Anyway, that stupid column's gone from the Sun and now it's just us baby; you, me, and the silly bastards prancing about Cornell giving vent to their most vapid nothings. Anyway, here are some old ones (from back in the day when I was still updating regularly) to whet your appetite. Come this semester beginning, I await with great vigor and excitement the renewal of our work together.
-the ear

Who isn't, really?

Professor: I'm a facebook whore!

-ho plaza, heard by Gbern

So...not a totally perfect frat boy, then.

Frat boy: Golfers scare me...like democrats!

-fiji, heard by anonymous

This one coming all the way from South Hill

IC Girl #1: You're such a drunk asshole
IC Boy: Come on, I don't even know you. I appologized like 2 and a half times.
IC Girl #2: I'm not drunk. See? I can do a cartwheel.

-location unknown, heard by franco

As soon as it's possible, send me up some delicious overheards
overheardatcornell {at} gmail.com

The hottest October

2007-10-04T18:38:00.000-04:00

Fall break tomorrow. Ya'll best get psyched!

We got a lot from this guy

Spanish Professor: Ah, Boston. The Windy City

-uris, heard by slagathor

Tag, you're illiterate

Girl: His name is Jason. It’s laser, with a J.

-alpha delt, also slagathor

Putting the PC in RPCC

Boy: You know what I miss? Special Ed kids. There are no Special Ed kids at this school. You could pet them.

-rpcc, also slagathor

Why are they in the men's room?

Sorority Girl: So she walked into the men's room and was like "Tell me I'm not a slut" and I was like "You are a complete ho"

-kennedy hall, heard by hearing aid

Tragedy, lightly explained

Girl 1: She's a complete whore.
Girl 2: No she's not.
Girl 1: She cheated on her boyfriend, and now she's pregnant, and she's 19.
Girl 2: No! *Pauses* Well, that was ages ago!

-appel, heard by thechou

Always know your limits, ladies

Alochoholic Girl: I don't know why I even go out anymore -- I don't know where my friends are, I don't know what's going on, I don't know where I am. You can't go out at Cornell, you just get blackout!

-teagle, heard by two buck

Nothing can compare to the Omish though...daaaamn

Preppy guy: I've got kind of a fetish for those Mennonite girls. Did you see them? They were hot!

-cascadilla gorge, heard by mark

Hypocrite, but at least not a pregnant one

Professor passing out prelims: I have been instructed by the university to tell you all to turn your cell phones off...apparently you can text your friends to get answers...you guys are so smart, I never would have thought of that! You know in England they have special test rooms with devices that knock out cell phones...[HIS cell phone rings...and he answers]...Hello? Bad timing. Yeah. Just giving an exam. Ok..[hangs up] Sorry that was Catherine Zeta Jones and I had to tell her to wait for me...no I'm just kidding...it was my wife. She had good news, she's not late!

-uris, heard by nicole

I mean, does anyone else think chalking for the presidency of the United States of America is a little pathetic?

*Looking at Ron Paul 08 chalking*
Grad student 1: I mean, it's great that a drag queen is running for President, but why is he running as a Republican?
Grad student 2: I think you mean Ru Paul...

-ho plaza, heard by block

But...isn't late...hot?

Drunk Girl in Hoochie Skirt: But I don't want to leave yet.
Angry boyfriend: Too fucking bad. I called you a half hour ago, you came late, so I drank without you.
Stupid friend: Yeah man.
Drunk girl in hoochie skirt: So... I have to drink by myself?
Angry boyfriend: Fuck this. I need gum.

-collegetown, also block

booyakasha. Submit, me hearties
overheardatcornell[at]gmail[dot]com (Goddamn spammers!)

Whack Attack

2007-09-23T23:55:00.000-04:00

Sorry kinder. Been a while. Here comes some updates.

College is gonna teach you a lot, kid

Freshman: Yeah, Donlon is shaped like a vagina.
O.L.: Ummm....I think you mean thong.
Freshman: Aren't they the same thing?

-outside donlon, heard by nirmal

Sometimes reputations must be earned, young one

Girl : Wait, so why do you hate Harvard, Yale, and Princeton?
Guy: Cause we should be just as overated and pretentious, but we're not.

-rpcc, heard by neil

It is, in fact, this easy

Guy: Where are you going?
Friend in Suit: To sell out. Wanna come?

-tower road, heard by meg

I think this kid could very well live on my street

Girl on cell, 3pm on a Tuesday: Wait, you're seriously this drunk right now? Wow.

-arts quad, also meg

But I also can't walk. What do I do?

(Girl in car pulls up next to two guys walking by the road)
Girl: I can't drive this car. It's my friend's car and I got a flat tire, and I really needed to drive. I'm afraid to drive it, I might get in an accident.
Guy 1: Where are you going?
Girl: To the gym. (awkward pause) Girl: And I'm afraid I'll get in an accident.

-linden ave, heard by kimothy

But it had wings! It was pretty much a bird!

Girl 1: A bird just flew into my ear and dropped DEAD on the GROUND!
Girl 2: Really?? Is it still there??
Girl 3: It wasn't a real bird, it was just a big bug.

-cook st, heard by lolz

Pronounced Nu-q-ler

Concerned boy: If we don't do something about Iran, I predict we will see another nuclear war in our lifetimes.
Confused boy: Wait, when was the first one?
Concerned boy: You mean... World War 2?
Confused boy: We used nuclear weapons during WW2?
Girl across table: My God, please PLEASE put down People Magazine and read a fucking textbook!

-trillium, heard by jaydot

Still in love with that Patty Mayonaise

Three Frat-tastic Dudes: OOOOOO EEE UUUUUUUU, KILLER TOFU!!!!!

-arts quad, heard by buddha

This is a serious evolutionary turn on

Chick on cell phone: I'm on birth control AND we used condoms. It was ONE time! That's how fertile I am!

-outside the schwartz center, heard by snafu

P-I-M-P

Asian guy 1: So, besides being a pimp and having sex and going to parties what else do you do?
Asian guy 2: Well, I'm a peer advisor...

-the bus, heard by ad'a

Thanks kids. Submit as though your entire earlobes depended on it.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

PS- Jaydot, I'm well. Thanks for asking.

Im back Bitches!

2007-09-06T19:34:00.000-04:00

Sorry Gents and ladies, just finally gots the intraweb in my homespace and now I can update. Here we go!

Introspection, Cornell style

Girl: So I've recently reached the conclusion that I fart way too much.

-rpcc, heard by grossed out

Let it Be, Cornell style

Engineering Girl: It was weird seeing [frat boys] sober. It reminded me that they're real people too.

-engineering quad, heard by baw

Judith Butler is writing an angry letter as we speak

Prof: So the U. S. has its fingers in every dike.

-international relations class, heard by ross

Otherwise Im just not sleeping at DU again

Girl on cell: Pleeeease change your sheets. It's been like three months. I'm begging - I'm actually begging you to change the sheets. Please.

-martha's, heard by bcw

Clearly, she doesn't realize waving could distract him right into the street...

Girl: Oh look, there's that guy I know
Guy: Then why aren't you waving to him?
Girl: Because I want him to DIE!!

-arts quad, head by blane

Like...naked cuddle close

Questioning Boy: I could be gay, but I don't like men.
Confused Girl: I'm like almost a lesbian, but not quite, but I feel like it's close enough. My girls and I are close, really close.

-arts quad, heard by j-z

That's what I call 'home'

Boy on cell: Yeah, well, I don't define a 'city' as a place where you need to carry a switchblade to get to Dunkin Donuts.

-outside ctb, heard by chiashurb

Oh, to be young

Group of guys (looking at condoms): Hey,what's your cheapest 3-pack?
Jason (to employees): Girls, did you hear that?
Employee: Dude, they're ALL cheaper than a baby!

-jason's, heard by jerm

Not clear with the concept of circles

Guy 1: How do we get to where you are??
Guy 2: Go around the house!
Guy 1: ...which side??

-blair street, heard by chuckles

How do I get in the class these girls are studying for?

Showering Girl 1, shouting to be heard over the water: What was the most popular sport in [garbled; sounds like "British"] colonies?
Showering Girl 2, also shouting: What? Nudist colonies?
SG1: Yeah.
SG2: Um... Tennis?
SG1: Oh!
SG2: Was I right?
SG1: I don't know.

-girl's bathroom, donlon, heard by ferret

More soon!
Love
The Ear
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Classes done!

2007-05-05T23:40:00.000-04:00

You'd think, what with Slope Day and all, that there would be a plethora of overheards. But actually, on Slope Day everyone is too drunk to realize what they're saying, let alone write down the crazy shit other people are saying. At least, that's what I tell myself when I look in the inbox and see a total of 3 overheards. But I hope you had a fantastic day of debauchery (as I did), and now can begin to wrap up another stupid year with a last bevy of stupid quotes. Please, submit me these hearings you have.
Grazi,
the ear

This is usually a good time to call a doctor

Limping Guy: Well...it doesn't hurt now, but I'm not sure how accurate that is...because alcohol is an anaesthetic.

-foot bridge (on slope day), heard by disillusioned

Y'know, cuz single people don't have to do taxes!

Liberated Woman: I don't know what I'll do until I get married...I'm just so not into like doing taxes and stuff.

-balch, also heard by disillusioned

CIA, here he comes

Frisbee boy 1: This is what war should be: they should give everyone one frisbee with razor blades on it and send them into battle.
Frisbee boy 2: You know, you're not going to make a very good physicist if that's your contribution to modern warfare.

-arts quad, heard by charlie

Submit!
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Huge Update

2007-05-02T17:24:00.000-04:00

1 more day of classes folks. You've survived like the best of 'em. Here is a tremendous update a week overdue. Enjoy my little pushkins.

Having to quartercard totally sucks

Kid with costume: Here you go (tries to give a flyer to some girl).
Asian girl, politely: No thank you.
Kid with costume, quietly: Okay, fuck you then.

-ho plaza, heard by chief mullet

Mooom! Why you always gotta talk about vaginas?

Visiting mom with two sons, looking at sculptures: Oh my god, they look like fucking vaginas!
(Boys laugh nervously)

-outside sheldon, heard by the jankster

Name changed for model's protection

Sorority Girl, post CDL: that guy was like, 'some of those models are men,' and i was like, 'oh my god, that's Sarah!'

-barton hall, heard by rv

Hell hath no fury

Girl #1: The past hour has been crazy!
Girl #2: I know! I ain't ghetto, but that girl was cursing at me, and I was about to beat her ass.

-ag quad, also rv

All I care about's Wyoming. Good ole Wyoming.

Girl: I know where Connecticut and Rhode Island and Massachusetts are, all
those little states, but they mean nothing to me.

-college ave, also rv

Wait till you see the people living in em

Visiting Dad: Wow, those are some ugly brown dorms down there.

-top of the slope, heard by cat

Dude, I told you to drop it! Oprah's lost the weight, and she's keeping it off!

Shallow guy: She is fat.
Friendly guy: (laughing) Dude, that's a little harsh.
Shallow guy: Seriously, all there is is fat.

-west campus, heard by kimothy

I think it had to do with Jerry and cats or something

Drunk girl screaming: I've got rules! Rule #1 - Jerry is a pussy! Rule #2 - Jerry is a pussy! Rule #3 - ... um, I forgot where I was going with this.

-harvard st, heard by lola

As an English major I should take offense, but...

Guy: So, what's your major?
Girl: English.
Guy: Really? Wow, you're really fuckable for an English major.
Girl: Uh, thanks...

-linden ave., also lola

OMG! ROFL!

Asian chick #1: So I was like I don't get it, you know?
Asian chick #2: Yeah the TA was using like totally big words!
Asian chick #3: Oh my god guys!! That's just like in Clueless!

-asia noodle house, also lola

Oh, those wacky Japanese!

Prefrosh' dad, to his family: Maybe if you fail you jump into the gorge, you know, like the Japanese.

-thurston ave. bridge, heard by yix

Dude, you're too good for them anyway

(Three girls in high heels and short skirts walk by)
Chubby Guy in Lacoste Sweater: If i were twenty pounds heavier, went to community college, and was a complete loser, I'D TAP THAT.

-dryden, heard by lilichka

Guys actually love this

Sorostitute 1: ...God, you must have been, like, beyond wasted.
Sorostitute 2: Yeah, I like, totally molested this guy.

-foot bridge, heard by lindsay

Not if Allah has anything to say about it

Girl: I'm so dumb at world culture, like I can't name the capitals of anything...like..what's the capital of Israel?
Guy: Umm..
Girl: (interrupts him): Wait...is Israel...a country?

-bethe house, heard by dj-mee

I think it has something to do with vacuum tubes...

Girl 1: Do you know who's playing at slope day?
Girl 2: T.I and TV on the Radio
Girl 1: Wait..how can they play TV on the radio?

-slope, also dj-mee

Ha! Burn!

Girl 1: Hey, how was that seminar about sex?
Girl 2: It sucked. I already knew everything she said
Girl 1: You whore.

-mac's cafe, also dj-mee

Don't worry babe, I would never leave you for a camel

Boyfriend: Hey, did you guys go see the camel?
Girlfriend: No, where is it?
Girlfriend's friend: Don't even bother. It's so ugly. It looks so out of place, it's probably thinking "what the hell am I doing in ithaca, I could probably be scoring hot camel chicks in Egypt or something"
Boyfriend: That's what I think everyday
Girlfriend: What?
Boyfriend: Don't worry babe, I'm sure he'll get laid by another loner camel in Ithaca.

-willard straight, also dj-mee

Grad school haze

Girl: I thought I was in high school until like, yesterday.

-ciser, heard by saywhat

Well, I am, but fuck them!

Girl running, on cell: I ran away from all of them cause they thought I was drunk!

-dryden rd, heard by mark

Wait...I think I messed that up...

Girl: I'm as straight as a girl who doesn't like boys!

-eddy st, heard by anonymous

Poor Ithaca College...

Sorostitute, on cell phone: So tomorrow is Alpha Delt's party of like, the year. It was written up in Playboy as THE Ivy League Party! But you don't have to worry about competing with that because (loud whisper, looking around) you don't go to an Ivy League school...

-footbridge, heard by lindsay

That would make them more creepy, not less

Girl: I wish puppets could pee their pants.

-libe cafe, heard by acb

Just like Jesus would have wanted

Girl 1: Did you have a good easter weekend?
Girl 2: Well, I decided to celebrate the ressurection of my lord and savior by sleeping with a jew.

-ivy room, also acb

If you don't know, you got none

Girl [distressed]: I don't know how many bitches I have!

-balch (ha!), heard by queer engineer

Only to his ass

Girl 1: It's weird that I keep calling him my gay friend when he's actually hooked up with a lot of my friends.
Girl 2: You call him your gay friend?
Girl 1: Well, not to his face.

-dickson elevator, also queer engineer

What happens when Frat Boys grow up

Girl: All the parents are WASTED... did you see them when the band played 'Shout'? It was a MADHOUSE in there.

-parents formal, heard by meg

Dropped the ball on that one

Sorority girl: What does a gay horse say? [pause] "Na-ay!"
Minutes later
Sorority girl: Oh wait shit, it's (in a "gay" voice) "He-ey!"

-becker, heard by ad'a

More horses!

Guy #1: Horses have huge teeth.
Guy #2: If you say so. I guess I haven't been around enough horses.
Guy #1: And they really like fingers.

-stewart, heard by rv

I cant carry the mean all by myself!

Bearded Math Major: I thought the mean would be a lot higher because that class is filled with math majors with food in their beards.
Engineer: Dude, there's food in your beard.

-duffield, heard by doug

Nothing quite shouts small penis like:

Guy: I'd tell you how big my penis is in centimeters but I don't know what 11 times 2.5 is.

-dickson (ha!), heard by fang

Future lobbyists

Clueless girl: Doesn't pot just make you feel like you're spinning?
Pothead: Yes, then we'd need to ban all small children from spinning. In fact, spinning is the gateway to smoking pot.

-rpcc, heard by fang

Do they have Twinkies?

Girl 1: I always like the vegetable wraps
Girl 2: Nah, too much fresh stuff in it

-trillium, heard by elainiac

Wowza Yowza! That there's a lot of them overheards!
Submit me more or Ill bite you.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Weekend Roundup

2007-04-23T15:18:00.000-04:00

Hey you. Maybe its because the weather is so nice, you think, 'sure, I heard him say something stupid, but I dont care enough to write it down. Its too nice to bare that sort of ill-will'. Maybe you think this. But this is wrong. If anything, the sun bakes the alreadly weakened brains of the soroyalty and broheims, making them more likely to say something mindbogglingly idiotic. So let's not have this happen again, where a whole weekend passes and I only get three overheards.
Ok?
Good talk.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Who knows man...who knows.

Girl on phone: Wait... so who's the father????

-psi u crush party, heard by how stereotypical

Time to use a dictionary

(Girl 2 hands Girl 1 flowers. They fly away in the wind)
Girl 1: Noo! My flowers! Come baaaack!
Girl 2: Sometimes you just have to let things go. They won't last forever; flowers aren't effervescent, you know.

-west, heard by mel

True Love

Girl: But I mean, he was in my lower intestine. I just can't get past that.

-ho plaza, heard by benji

The title for this one is just too easy

Genius: I thought all those 'for dummies' books were written by the same person.

-engineering quad, heard by the ear

Submit my nipple twisting debutantes.
-the ear

Thursday Update Extravaganza!

2007-04-19T21:17:00.000-04:00

You know, like santa's sleigh 'n stuff

Sorority Girl #1 - There were like these reindeer, and like they were labelled as caribou, haha
Sorority Girl #2- What's a caribou?

-trillium, heard by dan

There was a row of seats "Reserved for SUNY Dehli" but amazingly filled with white people

Guy looking at sign: Hey, what's SUNY Delhi?
Female Friend One: I don't know.
Female Friend Two: Maybe there's a SUNY in India?
Guy looking at sign: But none of the people sitting there are Indian!
*later, still confused....*
Guy looking at sign: But really, is there a SUNY in India?
Incredulous Guy: Uhh... STATE University of NEW YORK?
Guy looking at sign: But Cornell has a thing in that Q place!

-at bernard tschumi lecture, heard by lal

Im thinkin, like...U Hawaii?

Wannabe sorostitute: So I really wanna like, go abroad, but it has to be someplace like, where they speak English, and where it's warm and sunny.

then, as she gets off, her friends:

Guy friend: I didn't mind her today.
Female friend: Yeah, sometimes I want to punch her in the face, but she was nice today.
Guy friend: Yeah, I don't mind her if she's not talking about Food Science...because you know, she like's all interested in it...it's weird.

-82 bus, heard by scott

Well, he's definitely qualified

Scrawny Jewish Boy: I went to Hebrew school for seven years. I can kick anyone's ass.

-bethe house, heard by smap

Understatement of the Year

Woman on cell phone walking through snow in April: Well it's not exactly Paris in the springtime.

-ho plaza, heard by kathy

Hey, if you don't include a monniker I gotta make one up. And it'll probably be some stupid play on your net id. Like smap.
Submit!
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

April is the cruelest month

2007-04-17T01:48:00.000-04:00

Snow? Seriously? I gotta get the fuck outta this town.

Dude, what we shared was beautiful

Bro: No, last night was totally awesome and not gay also.

-ho plaza, heard by rv

Sing it with me: That's what friends are for

Sorostitute yelling at friend: I can see the marks on your butt from over here!

-north campus, heard by yix

And you know these fuckers have cars on campus

Freshman Ho 1: But..are you like...good at drunk driving?
Freshman Ho 2: Oh yeah...I'm like...SOOOO good! I've been drunk driving like, since I got my license

-the 81, heard by newm

That's all for today folks. Submit. And also, fuck this weather.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Long time, No update

2007-04-15T12:09:00.000-04:00

But here it is lovelies. Stay outta the shitty weather now, y'all hear?
-the ear

I knew I shouldn't have shaved off my eyebrows!

Girl: I like wearing this hat because it makes me look like a cancer patient.

- engineering quad, overheard by wb

There's something about Cameron...

Studious Asian Girl: Man, I couldn't sleep again last night. I was just lying there. I was thinking about Cameron Diaz's smile. She's always smiling.

-terrace cafe, heard by yager

She answers the question as she asks it

Girl #1: My friend just got a new boyfriend, she met him in the library.
Girl #2: What? I'm ALWAYS in the library, why don't I have a boyfriend?

-kennedy auditorium, also heard by yager

Goin' straight for the jugular

Physics kid #1:I'm going to stab you in the jugular!
Physics kid #2: I once got hit in the jugular with a ping pong ball...
Physics kid #1: My friend got hit by a car recently when he was running at night.
Physics kid #2: Wait, in the jugular?

-physics class in rockefeller, heard by overheardmost

Possibly the most annoying phone conversation ever

Guy Shouting into Phone: HELLO? HI, OH SORRY I'M IN THE, WHAT? HEY NO LISTEN! I'M IN THE LIBRARY, SO I CAN'T TALK LOUD. OK?...

-management library, also by overheardmost

Duh, you obviously want large balls

Comp Sci Kid on phone: No, do the balls first, then the walls... Yes the balls, do the balls. No not walls first... Balls! Do balls first! Then you can check to see if they get move and get larger. Yes you want large balls. So do the balls first!

-donlon study lounge, heard by probablysaiditall

Leave the eytomology to the English professors

Nat Res Prof: I'm not a vegetarian, that's a mohawk word for 'don't hunt so well'

-class, heard by no one in particular

I hope this person is never a doctor

Premed: I'm pretty sure I'm smarter than Einstein. My physics professor makes us derive formulas in 10 minutes that took Einstein years to do.

-class, heard by doug

This dance sounds intriguing

Guy: I'll do the work and you'll do the Chinese dance in sexy underwear.
Angry Chinese girl: No!

-pyramid mall, heard by ad'a

World Gym now only accepts metrosexuals

Girl: Yo, I like my curves.
Frat Guy: You know that gym curves? It's for lesbians! Who knew?

-arts quad, heard by jeff

That's all folks. Welcome to the last three weeks of your semester.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Update is for now!

2007-04-11T21:30:00.000-04:00

Ready, go!

I bet she realized this as she was reading it

Confused Girl: We have a prelim coming up on the 15th right?
Incredulous TA: No..
Confused Girl: But it says so right here! Prelim. March 15th!
Incredulous TA: ......it's the 9th of April.

-class, heard by no one in particular

Clearly also a geometry teacher

Chem Prof: Lets put that in a box.
(circles the information on the board)
Chem Prof: ...A non-square box.

-chem class, heard by no one in particular

These guys clearly paid attention

Dude Bro 1: Dude, you wanna learn that riff to Black Dog?
Dude Bro 2: Nah, we should learn Sunshine of Your Love.
DB1: Is that the all complicated one where its just guitar, and then drums?
DB2: No man, that's Black Dog.
DB1: How does Sunshine go?
DB2: You know...like duh-nuh-nuh-nuh nuh nuh nuh
DB1: Oh right man...I don't remember either of them, but we should totally do that.

-walking out of history of rock class, heard by scott

Yeah Right

Random Girl: lots of korean...I AM NOT A SLUT!...more korean

-ivy room, heard by diamond

Same overheard, but funnier

German girl #1: [german]...sorority...[german]
German girl #2: "[german]...lypo suction...[german]

-goldwin smith, heard by blah

This is embarassing for everyone involved. Perhaps most so Anne Frank

Girl 1: No! It's a feel good movie!
Girl 2: Isn't it the Diary of Anne Frank? I hate to tell you but she dies in the end.
Girl 1: No...?!
Girl 2: I thought I saw it on your floor.
Girl 1: ... No, you saw Annie Hall.

-west campus, heard by twerp

YEEHAW.
Submit,
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Happy Easter, if you're one of them Christian types

2007-04-08T23:45:00.000-04:00

I hope y'all had a lovely weekend. I certainly did. Personally, I feel resurrected.
Here are some more sacrilarious quotations from our lovely fellow students.
-the ear

Nothing gets a laugh like illiterate kids

Drunk girl: That is so funny because I LOVE underprivileged children!

-house party, heard by ad'a

*Snaps*

Art major: Sometimes the experience of reality is very...unreal.

-cornell cinema, also ad'a

This just feels dirty

A guy pours so much salt on his popcorn, leaves. Then he comes back for more.
Girl: More salt?
Guy, in unison with his boyfriend: We like it really salty!

-cornell cinema, again ad'a

You know, like with drugs 'n stuff

Guy yelling into phone: I went to the gym twice this week! [pause] No. I haven't been lifting weights... I was going to do that this summer. [pause] I've been doing BRAIN EXERCISE!!

-location unknown, heard by fox

This line was struck from our alma matter

Guy: Vodka is like my energy drink.

-jewish date auction at the statler, heard by rvl

Because updating is way better than paper writing.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Saturdays are pretty dope

2007-04-07T13:54:00.000-04:00

As the 20th century prophets Loverboy once sang, "Everybody's working for the weekend". In this vein, Im putting you to work. Stupid people are more up front about it when drunk. Exploit this to the advantage of all of us!
-the ear

Atleast she spelled it right

Girl 1: How do you spell luau?
Girl 2: What's that?
Girl 1: You know, like when Mexicans wear grass skirts and eat pigs and pineapples.
Girl 2: Oh. I think it's L-U-A-U.

-tower cafe, heard by xcutterboix

Only in Dino's

Sorostitute 1: I need a date for winetour...I was gonna take Jim, but after last night...I mean, just because I had a threesome with them doesn't mean they can stop talking to me. Like it's not my fault they're awkward.
Sorostitute 2: Were they drunk?
Sorostiutue 1: No they were both sober...
Sorostitute 2: Maybe that's why...what about cokehead boy...can you take him on winetour instead?

-dino's, heard by seriously?

As if I didn't experience enough guilt, being Jewish

Guy 1: So he's like, "Not keepin' kosher?" And I'm like, "Come on, I stuck with it for two days."
Guy 2: I'm not keeping kosher either.
Guy 1: It's like, yeah, we got out of Egypt, but it's not that big a deal.

-becker, heard by ad'a

Gene Simmons claims to do this

Bro 1: He's got this drawer-full of pictures, dude. All different girls.
Bro 2: Have you seen it?
Bro 1: Yeaaah, dude. Sketch.

-statler, also ad'a

I have had sadly similar conversations

Smoking guy #1: Cancer is, like, the new orange.
Smoking guy #2: Yeah, I don't want to die now, but I don't want to be like 80.
Smoking guy #1: Yeah, exactly.

-outside bethe house, heard by kimothy

Friends don't let friends serial murder

Guy 1: I hope there's no one in that lounge.
Guy 2: Me too.
Guy 3: If there's anyone there, I'll kill them all. I'll slit their throats.

-west campus, heard by kimothy

Two Bingo related overheards? Yes!

Bingo number caller: D65
[silence]
Bingo players: There's no D in BINGO
Bingo number caller: It looks like a D, really!

Didn't know the mic was on?

Bingo number caller #2: I pick up lots of chicks, G56. But when I don't, I masterbate, B8.

-bingo heaven, heard by bingo player

Thanks kids.
Keep up the good work.
-overheardatcornell@gmail.com

61st post and goin' strong

2007-04-05T15:22:00.000-04:00

Stay in school.

Its funny when hotelies don't know words

Girl #1: (looking at friend's necklace) Oh my god, are you wearing a cross?!?
Girl #2: No, it's an anchor. Can you really imagine me trying to assimilate to the majority culture?
Girl #1: Seriously. . . Wait, a-simma-what?

-statler, heard by anonymous

I heard if you reject his friend request, he challenges you to a duel.

Girl: Who's Aaron Burr? Should we facebook him?

-west campus, heard by twerp

What sorta dern edumacation you gittin at that stoopid skool?

Girl on cell with parents: I'm writing a paper and need some help, but not a bible length explanation [pause] It's on race. [pause] No, not on rape, it's on race for my class! [pause] My class is not about rape! It's about race, r-a-s-e, wait, r-a-c-e.

-new noyes lounge, heard by greczy

If only we could hear the other sides of these convos

Loud girl on cell phone: You paid $70...[pause] YOU PAID $170 FOR A HAIRCUT? Do you know how many shoes I could buy with $170? [pause] Well no, not your shoes but...[pause]...I'm just saying, if you make more money than mom and dad you should get your own place!

-bethe house, heard by moon

I mean, I have alot of Jewish friends...

Guy: Are you Jewish?
Girl: Pretty much.

-number 10 bus, heard by bryce

Aunt Jemimah cries a single tear

Nerd 1: I wasn't aware until about 30 seconds ago that maple syrup even had a sexual connotation...
Nerd 2: Hey man, I didn't say, I didn't say it!

-neuro class, heard by jankster

That's some heavy shit man

Dorky Geek #1: She was sick and taking drugs man, she was so out of it, I swear. She was taking those drugs, that green stuff, what's it called, Nyquil...she was so out of it, what is even in that stuff?
Dorky Geek #2: ...alcohol?
Dorky Geek #1: YEAH, she was so out of it. [pause] I hope she doesn't get addicted.

-neuro class, again jankster

Thats all for today folks. You keep listening and you just hear some good ones. You just hear them and you send to me.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

It is still Tuesday in Hawaii

2007-04-04T03:54:00.000-04:00

Enjoy, mein kinder.

Well cut grass gets my hot

Girl 1: That's really cool.
Girl 2: What, that my faculty advisor's really hot?
Girl 1: No, that lawn mower.

-location unknown, heard by tan

Sometimes change can be a hard thing to swallow

Drunk Girl #1: I don't know how much I liked that wine.
Drunk Girl #2: Me either, it was kind of too sweet.
Drunk Girl #3: Guys, I just swallowed a dime.

-location unkown, heard by tan

All of the overheards today express my sentiments exactly

(Suddenly, out of the pall of silence that is Uris...)
Frat boy: (Yells) Fuck this shit! Fuck this school! (slams books, runs out of library)

-uris library, heard by itotallyagree

Atleast she's gettin' clean

Hungover sorority girl:...and then i took a shower with all my clothes on.

-olin, heard by lilichka

This week, I am a boring stressed out person

Girl on Cell: What if all the boring people were really just totally stressed out? I mean, what if?

-betwixt the libraries, heard by wiktor

More tomorrow, if I yet live.
Submit, me hearties
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Saturnalia

2007-03-31T21:27:00.000-04:00

Cornell, where even the dullest stars shine bright

Entirely Sober: OH MY GOD this [telescope] is so big! Is it the Hubble?!

-fuertes observatory, heard by areyoukiddingme

I know this girl. She is smelly.

Dirty Chuck: I was totally going to shower yesterday, but instead I got high.

-goldwin smith, heard by lovebirds

Or orientation, for that matter?

Girl #1: Do you wanna be an OL?
Girl #2: Um... do I like people?

-carol tatkon center, overheard by anonymous

Well...by accident

Kid: The only reason I remember the day I got accepted to Cornell is because it's the only time I ever walked in on my parents having sex.

-north, overheard by doug

Wasn't that exhilirating?
Submit my friends, submit.
-overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Wasted on a Friday night...

2007-03-31T02:22:00.000-04:00

And I hope you are too. Here are a coupla new ones, lovelies.

I can't believe I've never tried this

Guy: I figure, being Jewish, I can walk up to any professor and make up a random Hebrew word and claim it's that holiday. No one messes with our holidays.
Girl: Well, what if your professor is Jewish?
Guy: You just have to know these things. Just look at his nose, man. I have the best jew-dar ever.

-statler elevator, heard by meg

I'd give her a tshirt for this

Preppy girl: I want a tee shirt! I mean, I stuck my head in a vagina, I totally deserve one!

-rpcc vagina carnival, heard by what would you do for a tee shirt?

Very rational plan

Sorority girl #1: I got invited on a wine tour Saturday morning. So I don't know if I want to go out tonight, because I have to drink really early tomorrow.
Sorority girl #2: You're not coming tonight?
Sorority girl #1: Well, the dance floor there is always really hot. So, if I don't have to dance, I don't have to drink...maybe I'll come.

-the bus, heard by ad'a

I love you little children, and I dont just say that cuz im drunk.
Submit!
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

More More More

2007-03-29T20:32:00.000-04:00

Heyo! Read this, suckers!

Like beads.

Girl: I don't like processes...and anal things.

-tjaden hall, heard by twombly

This was said with not even a hint of sarcasm.

Sororowhore: I know, when I heard she had a three bedroom apartment all to herself, I thought, that's bordering on ridiculous.

-olin elevator, heard by trapped

Oh man, this must've been a great lecture

Hippie Student: So, did the oilman and thong-man work together?
Professor:...One could only hope.

-archaeology class, heard by squirrely mcsquirrel

Soo much squirrels!

Girl on cell: Yeah, I was just taking that part... (squirrel runs across the path, she jumps back in horror) JESUS CHRIST! I fucking hate squirrels!

-betwixt the libraries, heard by the ear

This is why you never tell anyone anything

Girl 1: I'm surprised how good a relationship you and your boyfriend have given how much sex you have.

-cayuga lodge, heard by someone

Submit to me my little children! Submit me many hearings!
-the ear

There is infinite possibility in technology power

2007-03-27T19:45:00.000-04:00

Howdy all. Before we get to it, I'd like to let y'all know we are now accepting text-message submissions. Hear an absolutely fantastic one liner, but don't have time to write it down before your orgo exam? Add overheardatcornell@gmail.com to your phonebook, and send a text with all the info (you know the drill- quote, where, what name you'd like to be called) and it'll work like butta.

Ladies and gents, meet Karen Kesey

Girl Engineer: I should do LSD or something...then I could, like, step outside my mind and solve all of these problems. From, like, a greater depth of being.

-carpenter engineering library, heard by the sinister minister

That is a bum's deal

Dirty man: Stick your tongue out and tell me if this water tastes good.

-footbridge to north, heard by givemeajob

Gettin' off, the engineering way

Girl: And I was like, Gmail? I had no idea it could be this good!

-engineering quad, heard by the ear

Love you dahlings, turn off your ipods and listen close!
-the ear

Daily?

2007-03-26T21:06:00.000-04:00

Hey, this whole Overheard Everywhere thing has me all tingly with anticipation, so I'ma try and return to the good ole days. You know, back when updates came every day and Anna Nicole was still alive.
What this means for you is that you're gonna have to put yer listening pants on and submit!
-the ear

Give someone the gift of love this Christmas. The ultimate stocking stuffer. Stalk them.

Girl 1: Stalkers are the best because they make you feel kind of loved.
Girl 2: I've never had a stalker!
Girl 1: Oh god! You've never had a stalker?
Girl 2: Well, not really.
Girl 1: Stalkers are really the best. Like Kyle, he was the really creepy kind, because he actually touched my butt in the dining hall, and it was gross.

-location unknown, heard by rvl

That's it for today. Send me what they say!
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Overdue Posting, New Blog, Sweet Overheards

2007-03-25T22:53:00.000-04:00

Howdy all. Sorry about the length of this update- as I'm sure you know, the weeks before spring break tend to lead people the entire Cornell community into a mass-neurotic suicidal break down, and I suffered like the rest of em. But we're back, hopefully refreshed, and almost entirely snow free. So to the next month and a half: may it not kill our souls.
On a more upbeat note, there is a new blog Overheard Everywhere which is taking overheards from all over this great land, and web, and posting it in one bigger site. Though it will not effect how we are run at all, I think it is worth noting that a large majority of the posts so far on Overheard Everywhere come from us! Way to go Cornell! It's a pretty hilarious site, so check them out.
Though they've taken a bunch of your quotes already, too many for me to mention, they contact me when they make an add, so I will email you if your future submissions end up on their website. Which is a big ole way of saying, look, even more reasons to submit! Check them out, and check out these newbies.
Love,
the ear

She's prolly got tenure, too

Art Prof to class: You all know the story of the Internet right? It actually started in the scientific community.

-tjaden, heard by cat

Why doesn't this woman teach comp sci?

Art Prof to class: When viewing a webpage, you're probably going to need to choose the vehicele to see it. Maybe you will you pick Safari, or Fox Fire, but not Internet Explorer. Internet Explorer is definetly on the out these days. You might also choose Netscape or Opera, but I'd say go with Fox Fire.

-tjaden, heard by fox fire?

Who said stereotypes were wrong?

Dngineer 1: What's the deal with you and your two friends? What do you need two for?
Engineer 2: HEY! I like my friends, both of them.

-arts quad, heard by charlie

Behold, future Alberto Gonzales

Enthusiastic law student: I love tiny spoons!

-hughes, heard by laura and matt

He and peanut butter have a checkered past

Guy on Cell: No way - I left my dog in the car. I don't perform in front of animals!

-engineering quad, heard by sara

Clearly knows his post-structuralist criticism

Frat Guy 1: I thought I had the meaning of that book down. One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. All about diversity. (pauses) But nope.
Frat Guy 2: What is it about?
Frat Guy 1:Racism and overpopulation.

-wsh reading room, heard by saywhat

Your waist only bends if you're in the top tax-bracket

Forgeign Student to friend: He's pretty rich and was raised in a convential, upper-class background, I guess. Like, he knows how to bow and stuff.

-arts quad, also heard by saywhat

Literacy is a long forgotten skill

Sorostitute #1: Oh, genius, I spelled cheese wrong.
Sorostitute #2: That's nothing. Sometimes I spell my own name wrong!

-appel, heard by twombly

DU! DU! DU!

Girl with arm around boy: I'm a WASP...white anglo saxon protestant coming through!

-outside du, heard by moon

More common than you think

Frat Boy#1: Dude he cut his head open, we might have to take him to the hospital.
Frat Boy#2: Damn, how did he do that?
Frat Boy #1: Playing pong.
Frat Boy #2: Nice!

-outside a frat, also heard by moon

I think this belief is the leading cause of unwanted pregnancies

Freshman Girl: I guess I always thought the perfect man would just fall from the sky and say 'hi, I'm your husband!

-campus drive, heard by the jankster

Here here!

Guy on phone: I don't want to see a single fucking Cornell girl over spring break.

-libraries, heard by anonymous

Expert analysis

Girl, looking at sheet: Okay guys, here's the answer: Hunters and gatherers would... *brief pause* Hunt and gather.

-tower cafe, heard by amused engineer

Personally, I like new crazy Britney

Girl: I mean things could be worse, you could be a bald Britney.

-rpu, heard by stina

What?

Whiny Girl: My flight was canceled!!
Friend: Oh NO! Your hair looks great!

-mvr, heard by paris

Yay!
Check the side bar for the link.
Happy hearings.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Mondays. Sigh.

2007-03-05T18:39:00.000-05:00

I've received a number of responses to my last post w/r/t Starbucks vs. CTB, some taking sides fiercely, some pretty ambivalent. I am hardly the world's biggest CTB fan- it can be pretty overwhelming in there, especially w/out the patios, and the bagels, though delicious, are overpriced. But, that said, if I came back for a ten year reunion, and in CTB's place there was an Au Bon Pain, I'd be pretty sad. If that wouldn't bother you, then I can say nothing to convince you otherwise, except, really? Really?

Anyway, back to the real business what we are gathered for.
Submit!
-the ear

She's trying to saw 'awry'. Also, the second girl hits the nail right on the head in that last line.

Acapellicious Sorostitute: Oh my god, Stephanie was so immature in rehearsal.
Uninterested Sorostitute: Really?
AS: Yeah, so she was saying we sounded really "ow-ree", you know like we sang awkward or something...and I was like "actually, it's aw-ree". And she like tried to argue with me, but we all know it's "aw-ree".
US: Really?
AS: Oh my god yeah, and later on, she was so immature that she went on dictionary.com and looked up "aw-ree" and Emailed it to all of us...I mean, like grow up!
US: Wow...a capella groups sound so interesting.

-tcat, heard by scott

When I first heard this joke it was much more racist...

Asian Kid 1: (from his email) Whats the difference between someone with a math PhD and a pizza? (pause) A pizza can feed a family.
Asian Kid 2: (laughs) Who sent that to you?
Asian Kid 1: My mom did.
Asian Kid 2: You have the coolest mom ever!
(Kids high five each other)

-ives, heard by anonymous

I dont know which is worse, not knowing that or loving that movie

Dumb chick: Rosie O'Donnell is a lesbian?
Smarter chick: Yes. Betty from the Flintstones is a lesbian.
Dumb chick: Omigod! Ohhh! That is the best movie ever..
Smarter chick: It's really not.

-bus, heard by ad'a

I still haven't gotten wasted in the stacks yet. Gotta get on that.

Sorority girl: ...and there's also the library, which has the best beer on campus- I mean, the best COFFEE on campus...

-rpcc, heard by al

A real humanitarian

Asian girl: That's why I litter - it's more of me to go around!

-thurston bridge, also heard by al

I completely agree

Guy: Paying for water is like slapping Jesus in the face.

-upson design studio, heard by enginerd

Glasses would not have helped Helen Keller.

Belligerent broheim to referee: Hey Helen Keller, put some fucking glasses on!!!!!! (incredulous stares) Hey, come on guys, I'm drunk, it is not supposed to make sense!!

-lynah rink, heard by the jankster

She just doesn't know what she wants

Smartly Dressed Woman: Do you have any all tofu sushi?
Cheery Employee: We don't have any with just the tofu, but this combo has some tofu and then a few of the salmon pieces. would you like to try that?
Woman: Oh, god no, I do not eat fish, I just wanted tofu...I'll have that tuna lavash instead.

-green dragon, heard by the jankster

More to come soon! Submit, my beautiful little peaches.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Reticent.

2007-03-01T00:04:00.000-05:00

I know that you don't read this blog to hear me blather (there are 1,000,000,000 other blogs where you can read some anonymous and irritating asshole's opinion on whether or not Dick Cheney has been legally dead since 2002) but I think this is an issue what merits a stand. The Collegetown experience was already pretty pathetic before Starbucks moved in (unless you looooove Sake bombing), but now Collegetown Bagels, one of the only businesses in Ithaca that can even remotely evoke Cornell/college spirit (and I am a deeply cynical and hateful person, skeptical of all school spirit. See all 51 entries before this one) is having its well established and time-honored business threatened by this company (not to mention the total assholes who've already jumped ship to support it). In the week since Starbucks has been open, CTB has been practically empty (and a total ghost town by its normal standards) and has already resorted to sales to try and draw more customers. This is not ok. While Starbucks is a nominally responsible corporate citizen (they are good to their customers, decent to their employees, and buy some fair trade beans) they are still a megalomaniac conglomerate interested in the bottom line. When you buy a bagel at CTB, you support local bakers, Ithacan citizens, and people who are interested in providing you with quality. When you buy a skim-milk sugar-free decaf caramel machiato at Starbucks you support the stockholders of a business that overroasts their beans so they will taste bitter and thus 'classy' to people who don't know shit about coffee, that wants to take over the cultural community by buying out respectable dead artists' back catalogues and rereleasing them on cheesy compilations, that keep their baked 'good's in a box under the counter until they're all bought. Readers, I don't ask much of you, just that you listen to the stupid (probably Starbucks frequenting) assholes all around us who make us wear the Cornell Red with shame.
Now, while I am certainly not condoning anti-Starbucks vigilantism such as pouring milk on their furniture so it will rot, freeing rodents in the back rooms, stealing their offensively patronizing cds, graffiting on the windows, boycotting friends who go there, smashing their signs, peeing all over the bathroom floor and behind their toilets, distributing anti-Starbucks literature outside, cutting up their upholstery, spiking the sugar-free caramel flavoring with lsd, or epoxying the locks on their doors, if these things were to happen (or other more creative equally non-violent anti-Starbuckaneering) it would certainly bring a smile to my face.
Thanks for listening. Now back to the stupid we know and love.
-the ear

Beauty in your eye

Beholder: You are not a beholder, buddy.
Non-Beholder: Nah, dude. I'm pretty sure I behold.

-duffield, heard by benji

Urban Dictionary it if you don't know.

Dude: She totally sandbags! You know she sandbags!
Chick: Like there's a hurricane.

-ho plaza, heard by pineapple

So lazy...

Dumb Sororitite: You can't fail gym!
Dumber One: Um, yes you can. I have a U on my transcript in swedish massage AND yoga.

-college ave, heard by rv

By posting this, I'm only helping his case

Guy: God put me on this Earth to ridicule me.

-statler, heard by nz

Cornellians have trouble with states, is one thing I've learned from this blog

Geography whiz: Wait, how do you spell Iowa?

-olin cafe, heard by squirrely mcsquirrel

Normally I wouldn't accept entires from chatrooms but...

xChatroombro1x: I don't want to have kids I didn't expect to have
xChatroombro1x: They might try and call me and talk to me
xChatroombro1x: Or guilt me into loving them
Concernedmom36: What the fuck are they going to do when you're like "ok, I have no emotional attachment to you, go away"
xChatroombro22: "I needed beer money 18 years and 9 months ago"

-the interweb, read by anonymous

Primadona

Girl walking into building: Ok, you'll be ready in 10 minutes?
Metro kid carrying clothes: *tsk* Um. Twelve.

-dryden, heard by the cochlea

See what I meant?

Sorority Girl 1: ...she's from Missouri.
Sorority Girl 2: Missouri, is it even civilized there?

-stocking, heard by annoyedbutamusedtesttaker

My guess? English

Some guy: My major isn't language.
Some chick: It's language-esque.

-becker, heard by ad'a

Sweet! Then he's perfect for me

Sorostitute1: Wait, so you're SURE hes not gay...he totally seems like he's gay.
Sorostitute2: Definitely not...at least I'm pretty sure.
Sorostitute1: Sweet, I'm totally gonna hook up with him!

-frat party bathroom, heard by anonymous

The class this was heard in makes it even funnier

Sorority girl 1: Do you think you can go 24 hours without facebook?
Sorority girl 2: Why?! I guess I have because like it wasn't working, but I don't know.
Sorority girl 1: No that counts. I did it just to prove something to someone.

-personality of psychology class, heard by ali

Judging by what's on TV...yeah, probably

Random girl: Do you think if we were idiots on TV like we are in the halls, that people would watch us?

-dickson, heard by ali

Oh man, time for a new, smarter girlfriend

Boyfriend: Do you still have my keys?
Girlfriend: Yeah. I stopped by your house to bring them back but I couldnt get in.
Boyfriend: What do you mean you couldnt get in?
Girlfriend: Well you weren't home and no one else answered the door.
Boyfriend: YOU HAD MY KEYS!

-collegetown, heard by kgm

I love frats.

Dudebro on cell: Yeah, she was like "I changed my locks last night because of people like you!"

-college ave, heard by demily

Big salad fan

Asian girl: ...if I wasn't wearing underwear, I definitely would have let him slide his hand up my butt.

-rpcc, heard by doug

Good message, good message

Girl leaving a message on a cell: ....Anyway, some good news, I'm not pregnant! Yup! You should be shocked, right? Ok, talk to you later.

-location unknown, heard by anonymous

Ah, special bonding time

Sorostitute #1: Oh my god, this Saturday we get to spend time alone together!
Sorostitute #2: All of us?!
Sorostiture #1: Yeah, no sisters for a whole hour! Just us!
Sorostitute #2: I'm so excited!!

-rpcc, heard by blah

I wasn't kidding about the states thing

Guy: Is Mississippi a state?
[A little later] So it goes Louisiana, Alabama, Florida. Wait, is Georgia on the east coast?

-rpcc, heard by blah

Another twofer

Hoochie Mama: In high school I was so skinny, people said I looked like I was in a concentration camp. Also I had a shaved head.
[later]: I wanna, like, manipulate my child. I mean, if she dresses all hoochie you can’t, like, beat her…can you?

-martha's, heard by artemis dali

Umm...creepy

Guy to girl: Yeah, I want to hook up with her. She's hot. But I can't reach her.

-lincoln hall, heard by aj

Gonna fail f'sho

White chick: I hadn't done no studying for the MCAT.

-statler, heard by tck

News-feed failed me again!

Girl: What?! Oh my god, you can't be serious, I was on facebook this morning and didn't see a thing!

-thurston bridge, heard by anonymous

That's true love

Loud Cellphone Girl: I dunno, I mean, it takes a lot for someone to make out with you after you've been puking.

-outside goldwin smith, heard by anonymous

Seriously, fuck starbucks.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Monday sometimes is like being shot in the ass with horse tranquilizers

2007-02-20T00:35:00.000-05:00

Best if used before date on lid. Microwave until browning occurs. Refrigerate after opening. If not completely satisfied, mail back unused portion of product for refund of price of purchase. Do not consume if lid is popped or bag has swelled. Touch only with fork, not fingers. Any contaminant in environment should be removed for full flavor-enjoyment. Do not soil with reason, expectation, or candid and genuine excitement.

Submit me some overheards, or Ill come to your house and I'll light your little pantses on fire!
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Guess which part of 'sake bombing' this girl don't understand

Girl explaining sake bombing: It's a shot of vodka that you drop into a cup of beer.
Server: Actually, sake is japanese rice wine, not vodka.
Explaining Girl: Oh... well, I guess we'll take that if it's all you have. [Turns to other girl] I mean, EVERYWHERE ELSE, it's vodka.

-miyake, heard by anonymouse

Future Cornellians of Tomorrow...Today!

Babysitter to little boy: If you don't stop that, I'll cancel your playdate.
Little boy: I don't mind. (Keeps whining/making a mess)
Babysitter: Fine, if you don't stop, instead of the museum tomorrow we'll go bra and underwear shopping.
(Kid stops acting up).

-taste of thai, heard by jb

Ewww. My parents just don't understand. I go to Cornell.

Girl: Amazon.com? What did they get me...a *book*?

-appel package center, heard by disillusioned

Overcompensating

Guy: Do you guys ever get giant puddles underneath you, in class?
Weary friend: Yes.
Guy: Mine always seems to be so much bigger than everone else's.

-becker, heard by ad'a

Update!

2007-02-18T00:12:00.000-05:00

Big update because I love you.
Submit!
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Paste Eater

Girl #1: Ewww, that tastes like glue! I mean, I imagine if I knew what glue tasted like, it would taste like that.
Girl #2: You know what tastes like glue? Rice noodles.

-hollister, heard by scott

I actually think I know who this one is...

Broheim: Dude, the last time I was in Donlon, I woke up confused and covered in blood.

-donlon, heard by b

Freud is feeling very smug up in heaven

Girl on cell: Yeah I mean, all the hot guys are gay and all the gay girls are ugly so it's like...no matter what Im screwed out of the hot ones! ... Yeah, I wish I was born with a penis...

-location unknown, heard by anonymous

Busted

Guy eating while talking on his cell: No, I'm busy. Yeah I'm...working on my writing seminar...stuff.

-okenshields, heard by anonymous

Refreshing clarity from a hotelie

Prospective hotelie: I've taken a couple classes and they all seem cool, you know?
Hotelie: Yeah, they're pretty good classes. You should definitely transfer. And I mean, why would you want a real job?

-statler, heard by mceach

Simon is their goldfish.

Girl 1: Hurry up!
Girl 2: I'm locking the door!
Girl 1: It doesn't matter, we don't have anything anyone would want to steal anyway.
Girl 2: Except our expensive cheese!!
Girl 1: ...And our laptops, and our iHome, and our dust buster in mint condition....
Girl 2: And Simon!
Girl 1: I used to love Simon...but he's so languid now...I don't think I love him anymore! Can that happen?

-donlon, heard by jane

This one...man, don't even touch this one.

Sorostitute: Hey you guys, can police just, like, pull cars over?

-college ave, this and the next two heard by pineapple girl

You know, sideways!

Tasti-D Ho: I'm sorry, these gloves just make me want to walk like a crab.

-collegetown candy & nuts

See "Stubborn or in a neck brace?"

Girl: I'm not wearing any pants and I didn't even realize it!

-becker

I had a lesbian stalker for a while. Turned out she just wanted my flannel.

Blonde on cell: So I called her up and asked her why she was so mad at me, and she was like "You called me like 500 times when I was with alan, and I think you're a creepy stalker. And I talked about it with him and he thinks you're a stalker too." And I was like, "You really think I'm some sort of lesbian stalker???" Oh my god, I'm so embarassed!

-arts quad, heard by rv

Maybe it's just our perception of the Easy Mac that is trippy.

Tanned orange sorowhore: Hey guys, I think we can all agree... Easy Mac is just not as good as it used to be. I mean, Easy Mac was so good when it came out! What happened? (really long pause) And I think the noodles were bigger.

-okenshields, heard by the merry jankster

A quick play on words, or merely a confused pervert?

Guy 1: What are you doing tonight? Sarah?
Guy 2: Nah, just some physics.
Guy 1: Is it hard?
Guy 2: I don't think it will be, but if it is, I'll tell Sar to strap one on and have her way with me!

-engineering library, heard by r

Really dude? Mine too! High Five!

Nerdy Boy: That's my FAVORITE landbridge!

-in a dorm, heard by yer mom's friend's dog's babysitter's mom

I really do hate people sometimes

Freshman Girl: Did you know that in Fiji they can't afford to buy Fiji water so they have to import it? Isn't that SAD??

-location unknown, heard by anonybus

New Overheards and New Allies

2007-02-07T00:39:00.000-05:00

How-dy. Before we get into our shit today, I'd like to inform y'all of a new blog that continues the good fight at another university of high quality with students of...well...the new blog, based out of Boston College, is http://overheardatbc.blogspot.com . I know their Ear, and he is a fellow of some excellence. So if you have friends at BC, or just can't get enough overheards, click on over to them. I've added them to our link list on the right. They're just starting up, but they've already got some solidly funny ones. Anyway, back to sunny Ithaca.

You say program, I say OS. Let's call the whole thing off

Girl: Have you guys seen Vista? I think it's that new program.

-location unknown, heard by unknown

The 9th one probably. Y'know, the one where everyone's embedded in Ice created by Satan's giant perpetually beating wings.

Florentine: Cornell was built to resemble one of Dante's levels of hell

-ho plaza, heard by anonymous

Imagine all the people...understanding what's going on

Engineer Girl: So imagine you are in Duffield...
Sorostitute Friend: WHAT, when was I in duffield?
Engineer Girl: NOOO, I was in duffield, this is my story!

-lynah rink, heard by the merry jankster

Kids, Submit me some gold ones so that I might polish my statues with.
-the ear
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Monday Madness

2007-02-06T00:46:00.000-05:00

Did you guys go outside today? Holy fucking shit.

Honesty seems to be today's theme

Girl: So what major are you?
Guy: Douchetology. most people refer to it as Economics.

-johnson, heard by fox

The other one was in her eye

Hotelie [editor's guess]: I missed lecture today because I woke up and I only had one earring in.

-rockefeller, heard by kc

Another frat boy with clarity

Dude-bro: Nah, I'm not going out tonight. I'd rather wake up tomorrow and have a problem set done instead of a fat girl.

-trillium, heard by doug

I share his curiousity

Dude, approaching table of kids and addressing one: Excuse me? Hi, I noticed you put your salad in the microwave and I was just wondering...Why?
Asian kid: Why not?
Dude: Well, it's just, you had two. And you didn't put the other one in...I have to know!

-becker, heard by a'da

Oh man I wish she had heard the rest of this

Girl on the phone: You're gonna go rubbin' your balls all over other girls and i can't even...?

-arts quad, heard by lichka

A loving mom, for sure

Girl: Why would I tell Professor Turner I'm pregnant, I haven't even told my parents yet.

-triphammer rd, heard by bailey

You guys have been doing better, keep em coming!
-the ear

Slackers!

2007-01-31T22:55:00.000-05:00

So, I know you're probably used to it by now. 3 days go by with no post, and you think 'boy, that blog really has fallen off. What a lazy author it has. I remember the glory days when we got updates every day.' Well, fair enough, but not this time suckers! I have received 0 (count them, 0) overheards since my last update on Sunday. This is unprecendented since the early days of yore, when we all wore dapper top hats and monacles and discussed the sublime dangers of entanglement overseas with those dirty krauts, when I had just begun the blog. Seriously though you jerks, get off yer asses and listen to the stupid things people are saying. Just because its cold doesn't mean they get any smarter. This is Cornell folks, not some sort of well-respected institution of higher learning. In fact, since I began writing this update, Ezra Cornell has turned over in his grave 10-15 times. Speaking of which, he's 200 years young this year. Check out the posters all around campus, he had a totally sweet beard, just unbelievably excellent. But that's neither here nor there. What is is that you bums need to start hearing stupid things and sending them to me! Luckily I heard one today, or else we'd all be up shit creek sans paddle, and being in a creek of shit was bad enough when we atleast had the hope of escaping it into some sort of urine estuary or vomit river.
Submit!
Love,
the ear.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

What I get for venturing up to North

Guy: I'm not really like a saucy, creamy guy.

-appel commons, heard by the ear

Sunday's Best

2007-01-28T21:24:00.000-05:00

First week complete. Good work, chill'uns. Now submit to me! SUBMIT!
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Word dude, let's try Johnny O's

Broheim: Dude, let's go find some girls, and none of these art freak chicks with colored hair. I mean some real girls.

-stewart ave, heard by the ear

Maximum Coverage

Sorority-Member-to-Be #1: (walks in to #2 getting dressed) OH MY GOD I'm so sorry, don't worry, I didn't see anything.
Sorority-Member-to-Be #2: Haha, it's okay, I don't care, I have a thong on.

-north campus, heard by victoria's true secret

Being an English major, this embarrasses me greatly

*TA divides both sides of an equation by a variable v.*
Senior: Wait a second. Being an English major, I have no idea what you're doing here. Why is the v suddenly on the bottom? Did you just decide to put it there?
TA: Ummm... right.

astronomy 102 section, heard by seriously!

Date Conversation 101

Grad student trying to impress a date: Pigeon shit is the most toxic bird poop.
Date in disbelief: How do you know that?

-stellas, heard by squirrely mcsquirrel

Like, If I kiss him, I could catch it?

Sorostitute: I mean, he has, like, clinical depression. That's like breaking your arm. Its, like, hereditary.

-wsh, heard by dek

enjoi!
-the ear

Break's Broke

2007-01-24T19:18:00.000-05:00

Well, break's over. We're back. And no matter how stupid Uncle Barry sounded after his 4th glass of Christmas wine, you now have to accept that it will not compare to the shit you will hear on a daily basis from Ivy-league educated Cornellians. Sigh. If you're anything like me, you avoided rush week like an albino avoids direct sunlight, and arrived within 48 hours of class. Comin at'cha are what stragglers arrived over break and the newbies this semester.
Submit, chumps!
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Not so much anti-semitic as anti-sensical.

Jewish Kid: So I just got back from Israel
Blonde Girl: How was it? Did you find Jesus?
Jewish Kid: (confused look)
Blonde Girl: What? Do Jews not do that?

-ctb, heard by doug

Kinda has a point...

Nerdy Kid: Just think of how much money I saved over winter break by playing World of Warcraft. It was $10 a month instead of paying for all the stuff I would have done had I gone out.

-duffield, also doug

Spicy Lube!

Dudebro 1: Dude, if I buy anal lube can I call you baby?
Dudebro 2: No. (pause) You've bought anal lubricant before, right?
Dudebro 1: Yeah.
Dudebro 2: Yeah, that's what I'm saying, we're experienced.

-dryden, heard by the ear

Great dinner conversationalists

Girl #1: Whatever happened to that bird?
Guy: Which one? The original?
Girl #1: Yeah.
Guy: It's in [professor]'s lab. I put it in a bag and squeezed the air out so it shouldn't be rotting too much.
Girl #2: It's going to smell SO BAD when you open it.
Guy: No it won't...
Girl #2: Uh, yeah it will. You'd better open it up, drop it, and run away for a few hours.
Guy: Oh come on, for Christ's sake! After I removed the scent glands from a skunk WITH MY BARE HANDS and sawed it's head off, what could be worse?!
[All giggle]

-rpcc, heard by kinda creeped out

Insta-friends!

Dude-bro: Did you literally just facebook me?
Drunk girl: Our names rhyme!

Oh jeez...just...jeez

Black girl on cell: I've been hanging out with these white guys...
One of the white guys: Martin Luther King would be very disappointed

-both thumpty, heard by ad'a

Why do people always jump to the least logical conclusion?

Female Hockey Fan (after Cornell receives a slashing penalty): Ohhhh, he announced a slashing penalty! At first I thought he said splashing, and I just did not understand how you could splash ice with a hockey stick.

-lynah rink, heard by the merry jankster

High Standards

Drunk Freshman Chick: I wouldn't drink beer out of your mouth - because beer is gross!

-north campus, heard by anonymous

Strange she should act so knowledgable about brains...

Elderly woman: Cornell, huh? What are you going to be, a doctor?
Volunteering dude: Yeah, I want to be a neurosurgeon.
Elderly woman: Wow, you know a girl last week told me she wanted to be a brain surgeon - why don't you try that?

-ho plaza, heard by anonymous

Unclear on the concept

Guy: I'm in the mood for something meaty. Can I have a veggieburger?

-the nines, heard by mark

Conjoined twins get conjugal

Grad student 1: Yeah, it IS really hard. They have to wait and see how much, like, brain matter they share.
Grad student 2: What does the one twin do while the other twin has sex?
Grad student 1: I think he just lays there and is really uncomfortable.
Grad student 2: Awkward.

-temple of zeus, heard by llouie

Pre-test jizzers

Frat Guy 1: I already jacked off three times today!
Frat Guy 2: Sweet! That's what I'm going to do as soon as I finish this test.
Frat Guy 1: Maybe I should just go rub one out in the bathroom now... (gets up and walks away)

-barton hall, before a 9am final, heard by maxwell

Happy hearing!
-the ear

BIG HONKING UPDATE!

2006-12-10T12:35:00.000-05:00

As promised (though slightly later then planned) a huge giganto update with everything over the last two or three weeks. Enjoy, and good luck on finals! There'll be one more update before the semester's end. Submit!
-the ear

This girl is going to fail her finals

Guy: Yeah, I've been doing most of my studying in the stacks.
Girl: Oh. Where is that?

-between olin and uris, heard by alice

She doesn't practice what she preaches

Girl 1: Well, I mean, that's probably for the best, because it's not like college is only about going to frat parties and sleeping with boys.
*silence*
Girl 2: Ummm...
*silence*

-college ave, heard by the ear

These people might save your life someday

Walkie-talkie of Student EMT 1: Two-car motor vehicle accident, minor injuries...
Student EMT 2: Dude...how far away is that? We should go...I'm bored.
Student EMT 1: Nah, let's get some ice cream.

-rpu dining hall, heard by scott

Oh Gosh, you will never get a date this way

Guy: You know what would be great? If degrees of freedom meant the temperature of the white house.
Girls:
Guy: It was bad, I know. ... What if it meant the temperature at which the declaration of independence is kept.

-uris hall, heard by drama

I agree with her

Pensive Male: Pine is such a great word.
Lankey Female: What do you mean?
Pensive Male: Well, you can't exactly Spruce for someone, can you?
Lankey Female: You should go to prison for the jokes you make.

-burger king, heard by buddha

Oh gosh, the door stays darlin'

There's a facilities guy cleaning the external elevator door. He lets a crowd use the elevator. They enter the elevator and once they reach their floor, one girl volunteers: I'll send the elevator back down to him so he can finish cleaning the door!

-bauer hall, heard by anonymous

Cornell! Cornell!

Girl: Can I have a hot chocolate please?
Cafe Worker: What size?
Girl: Hot.

-tatkon center, heard by anonymous

They are rather easily confused

Girl one: Oh, is he gay?
Girl two: No, he's french.

-green dragon, heard by meghan

This is the saddest attempt to retain dignity ever.

Architect Girl walks in: See they ordered Peace!!
Architects eating (stare back at her): This is Vietnamese
Architect Girl: uhhh, Asian?!

-green dragon, heard by fox

Too much

Girl on cell: You want to know if $55 is too much for an arm wax?
[pause]
Girl on cell: You spent $130 on waxing?!

-txa department, heard by d'a

Dude, I practically grew up on the farm, alright? Jeez.

Guy 1: Dude, have you ever, ya know, worked with slop?
Guy 2: Yeah. I've done it.
Guy 1: No, seriously dude, you've never been there... with the trough...
Guy 2: Dude, I totally have done it.
Guy 1: When?
Guy 2: I dunno man, but I've done it.

-location unknown, heard by florack

"Whatever"

Girl 1: So I was, like, in this hot tub with this guy, and we're like, making out or whatever.
Girl 2: Uh huh...
Girl 1: And then I go "what's your name?" and I think he said something but I was like "whatever."

-arts quad, heard by alex b

Diversity is Awesome

Bro 1: I dunno, I'm really into hip-hop right now.
Bro 2: Yeah?
Bro 1: Yeah, this year I've got a black roommate...
Bro 2: Oh sweet!

-collegetown, heard by the ear

And probably some Tasti-d later, huh?

Girl #1: All you're eating for lunch is an apple?
Girl #2: Yeah, I ate a big breakfast. I had a whole bowl of cereal AND a banana.

-trillium, heard by anonymous

Well, one is like...fuck they're the same

Girl with latte: No, you have to help me out here. I know Ruloff's is relaxed and casual, but what is Dino's?? Relaxed and laid-back?? Is that the difference?

-tower, heard by rv

Ode to Love

Brodude: I don't get why you have to be in love to suck dick.
Girl: SHUT UUUUPP!! (giggles)

-arts quad, heard by mceach

Saucy!

Construction worker stuck on a roof: What?
Construction worker on the ground: I really don't like you. That's all I was thinking...See ya!

-mvr, heard by d'a

Doesn't really work that way...

Boy on phone: I went to gannet and told them I needed emergency contraception.

-terrace, heard by michelle

Holy nerdfest Batman!

Nerd 1: You know, we never really have to grow up. We just have to know when to act like we're actually adults.
Nerd 2, on Laptop: Shut up, I'm watching Batman the Animated Series.

-duffield, heard by doug

Harsh but fair

Student: Is "too" an adverb?
English Professor: Why do you care?

-white hall, heard by maria

Dont bet on it

Frat Boy: We are ivy league educated men – we can figure out how to turn a bed sheet into a toga.

-collegetown, heard by maria

Perhaps the word man confused you?

Confused girl to another confused girl: You're a man-whore? I'm a man-whore too!

-mann library elevator, heard by anonymous

Haha...oops

2006-11-28T01:56:00.000-05:00

Ok, yeah, I've been reticent at my post. Its been 3 weeks without an update. I offer no excuses, except complete laziness and ennui. Anyway, here are a couple to tide you over with a BIG HONKING UPDATE coming next.
-the ear

We've all been there

Girl : It was a bad night... I was drunk... and high... and I ate half a bottle of ketchup.

-hec auditorium goldwin smith, heard by xcuterboix

That's so gay

Frat boy: I am so secure in my sexuality that I would do another man in the ass just to make him feel uncomfortable.

-trillium, heard by doug

Gold diggers

Kid: I want to die while boning some girl 40 years younger than me
Same Kid: Dude, my second wife isn't even born yet.

-lost dog, heard by doug

We don't smoke! We don't drink! We don't fuck! How the hell are you supposed to think?

Drunk girl #1: You're chainsmoking??
Drunk girl #2: No! My boyfriend is straight edge!
Drunk girl #1: Do I even know what that IS?

-dryden, heard by rv

Surprising Clarity

Guy 1: Sorry man, I can't. I've got the annual thanksgiving dinner at (fraternity).
Guy 2: C'mon
Guy 1: Nah, I've got to. Besides it's a good time. We use it to entice possible pledges.
Guy 2: Any girls?
Guy 1: Not really, but talking to the prospectives is kinda like hitting on a girl. We just try to get them drunk and then just start talking to them. You know 'what school are you in, what's your major." Kinda awkward. But it works. Soon they're hooked and they're our bitches.

-location unknown, heard by anonymous

Family bonding, not bondage!

Freshman Hotelie Girl: Why would you take a 13-year-old to a whorehouse? That's just...weird...

-statler, heard by virgin ears

Around 0...brain cells

Smart freshman: The Indus Valley civilization was around in 5000 BC. The Buddha was around in 2000 BC.
Not-so-smart freshman: So when was Christianity?

-location unknown, heard by nate

All of these amazing things were said by the same 3 wonderful boys waiting in line for Bob Sagat

Freshman guy 1: Dude, check out her ugly jacket...she's like an eskimo
Freshman guy 2: No dude, she's an eski-ho!
(the whole group of 5 of them break out into hysterical laughter)

Freshman guy 1: I swear man, why can't we cut this line?
Freshman guy 2: Yeah, we should totally punch people in the kidneys and just run to the front
Freshman guy 3: Yeah man, we can take all of them. We'd kill them.

Freshman guy 1: Wait, you like Family Guy?
Freshman girl 1: Yeah
Freshman guy 1: Sweet! That's fucking awesome. Family Guy is the best fucking show in fucking history. (gives her a high five)

Freshman guy 1: Let's just have a real fight right now...maybe we could cut to the front in the chaos.
Freshman guy 2: What? Are you serious?
Freshman guy 1: No totally, let's have a real fight. I'd kill you.
(shoves guy #2)
Freshman guy 2: Don't touch me, that's so gay. If you touch me again, I'll fucking kill you, you fag.

-sagat line, heard graciously by scott

Classes are almost over, so peoples' brain capacities are at an all time low. Exploit this for our entertainment! overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Ten days all at once HUGE UPDATE!

2006-11-12T23:18:00.000-05:00

Blamo!
Submit!
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

I'd miss it too

Guy: I used to have sex every Tuesday afternoon.
Girl: Oh really?
Guy: Yeah, ever since, I've been trying to fill the void.

-libe, heard by buddha

There are some alpha delts living above me, and I'll just say this makes total sense.

Drunk frat guy: I don't care that she was 300 pounds, she still had a phenomenal rack!

-outside alpha delt, heard by hearing aid

That line never works

Girl: I'm going to A Chi O
Boy: Why, so you can be a lesbian?

-college ave, heard by xcutterboix

Stubborn to a fault, or in a neck brace?

Stumbling freshman girl: When I get drunk, I don't even know what clothes are on me.
Stumbling freshman friend: (mutters)
Stumbling freshman girl: Like right now, I don't even know what I'm wearing.
Stumbling freshman friend: (incomprehensible)
Stumbling freshman girl: No, seriously. I don't know what I am wearing right now.

-outside bear awesome, heard by fully clothed

Hey! Hotelies need love too.

Guy on cell phone: Hey man, I just got my first hug. It was fancy.

-terrace restaurant, heard by blah

For most Cornellians, homework is the best part

Guy on cell: I'm drunk as fuck right now...yeah I went out after my chem test, and they had strippers! got a lapdance...she was bangin'. You wanna know the best part dude? I'm doing homework haha!...yeah...its due tomorrow.

-appel, heard by zui

SOTBs

Scarfed kid: He's not even fresh off the boat, he's still on the boat, right?

-thurston, heard by billstar

Food science majors? Idiots? You decide.

Guy 1: How do you measure salad dressing?
Guy 2: (refers to notes) Ounces.
Guy 1: How much salad dressing do you put on a salad...in ounces?
*15 minutes later*
Guy 1: How do you define a sports drink? Juice?
Guy 1: Cause its not really juice...

-duffield, heard by burke

You know...riiiing

Guy on Cell Phone: Huh? Hello? Oh hey, what's up, yeah that's weird my phone didn't ring...like, it didn't go riiiiing riiiiing.

-east seneca, heard by hearing aid

So cute!

Sorority girl en route to semiformal: We should have a super formal! It'd be so cute.

-miyake, heard by twombly

Wind tunnels are hot

Blowhard: ...it's like forcing your dick into a wind tunnel! he's trying to fight his way inside the vagina!

-becker house, heard by twombly

All that is man

Drunk guy yelling at passerby: I know where you at, and you know where I'm at, and I ain't moving. Oh, here comes a chick! [pokes her in the boob]

-the middle of the street, dryden, heard by benji

So Much Squirrels!

Guy 1: So, we should do some sort of a school prank.
Guy 2: Wouldn't it be cool if we poisoned all the acorns on campus and had all the squirrels eat them and die? Imagine. Dead squirrels everywhere.

-outside wsh, heard by anonymous

A good night, by all accounts

Dude: Hey man, do I have any more swastikas on my face? I tried to wash them all off...

-temple of zeus, heard by zak

You have to look out for sand, too

Freshman Girl: It's so much better when it's cold than it is when it's warm- all you can do when it's 115 degrees out is sit around and air out your vagina flaps!

-outside rpu, heard by broyhaha

If this was you, I could use her number

sorority girl: my grandma is HOTTTT! well, not hott exactly....but she is single!

-oakenshields, heard by jankster

Cultural Awareness is dope

Townie bro: should we put the red dots on our heads? do the boys even put the dots on their heads? or only girls?
Townie dude: no dumbass, the terrorists don't put dots on their heads at all!

-ac moore, heard by jankster

Halloween Mania Part 2

2006-11-03T02:27:00.000-05:00

How the hell is it already November? Seriously, I will give anyone a substantial financial reward if they can find the last two months and give them back to me. Forward all information (and overheards) to:
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

I...I just do not understand

Girl 1: I mean, just 'cuz I do it doesn't mean I do it fast.
Girl 2: …Yea, like, I used to date my chem TA.

-cascadilla, heard by hearing aid

God loves the religgy

Jappy girl: so my parents are best friends with the cantor now. We're really really religgy.

-schwartz center, heard by minjee

I think he means you're ugly

Girl on cell: Well they say the guys here at a B+ but the girls are a C-...I don't know some website or college ranking...What do you mean am I graded on a curve?

-arts quad, heard by anonymous

If Halloween can't get you laid, nothing can

Freshman girl 1: I met a boy in a kilt on Friday, I wish I would have had sex with him"
Freshman girl 2: Yeah, kilts are hot

-central campus, heard by sorostitute

Been There

Girl: He was 26, I was 18. I liked him until I found out he was a loser.

-tatkon, heard by anonymous

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?? Who are these people? How did they get into Cornell?

Art History TA: This print depicts the Sacrifice of Isaac, which is a biblical story where God told Isaac to kill his first born son...
Art History Bimbo: OH. MY. GOD. That's....terrible.....That's almost as bad as a girl telling her boyfriend that he needs to get rid of his dog because she's allergic.

-johnson, heard by mary

Don't smoke kids

Guy: You'll die eventually, whether its from cigarettes or something else. Hopefully AIDS.

-louie's lunch, heard by caitlin

Voiced from experience

Frat Guy: Dude, Little Mermaid is a great date movie. If you can't hook up with the girl, you can always jerk off to Ariel.

-ho plaza, heard by doug

Triangles- now in four dimensions

Guy 1: Why are we walking through the Engineering Quad?
Guy 2: C'mon man, it's like the hypotenuse... it makes sense!
Guy 3: Dude, we just got out of hockey and you guys are talking about fourth dimensions?

-eng quad, heard by marcella

Cornell Diversity

Frat Guy #1: Dude, there are so many different type of people here.
Frat Guy #2: Yeah.
Frat Guy #1: I mean, just about every fraternity and sorority is represented.

-terrace cafe, heard by vickie

Redundant. Definitely redundant.

Guy with a cane: We'll go out. And party like rock stars. Rock stars with STDs.

-eng quad, heard by rv

Hope you had a happy halloween!
the ear

Halloween Mania Part 1

2006-10-30T02:27:00.000-05:00

Two parts, comin' atcha!
-the ear

Relish, you are cool by me

Guy dressed as a plant: Fuck you, Ketchup! You too, Mustard.

-eddy st., heard by anonymous

Harsh, but fair

Kid 1: I'm so glad I have a code monkey as a roommate so I don't have to live with someone who...
Code Monkey Roommate: (interrupts) Is happy?
Kid 1: Exactly.

-duffield, heard by doug

On the suspension bridge, two boys pass a third jumping up and down...

Jumping drunk boy: Excuse me, I'm hopping like a kangaroo! [continues jumping]

-suspension bridge, heard by fox

This poor man is really bad at being a frat boy

Dude bro: ONLY FAGS DONT SUCK DICK!

-college ave., heard by rv

Guy 2 here is very much the voice of reason

Guy 1: Jewish long island girls are the way to go.
Guy 2: No it's all about cultural diversity.
Guy 3: Cultural diversity? What about Alpha Phi?
Guy 2: If you want to get laid go back to that party.

-noyes, heard by didtheyreallyjustsaythat

Burn

Girl: I’m confused, so what is goodwill?
Guy: I dunno
Girl: Isn’t it that place where you get all your clothes?

-economics class, heard by jleow

Hail to thee, our alma matter

Boy: What do brain cells do for me? Nothing really, they waste my time.

-arts quad, heard by boyim

SUBMIT
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Update 39!

2006-10-25T18:16:00.000-04:00

Well, it's finally happened. I've waited and waited for this day, and today, someone submitted a conversation I was in. Sadly, I was not the one who said the quote, but it is still a day for great happiness and rejoicing. Enjoy. Oh, and submit!
-the ear

Nice, sensitive, community service oriented m looking for caring, child loving f

Guy to girl selling breast cancer t-shirts: I'll do it later, the kids with cancer will still have cancer...

-mews, heard by Mike

High Standards

Lanky boy: She's a sophomore with a pulse. Perfect for me.

-eng quad, heard by stef

Does anyone remember those Bud Light "man-law" commercials? This guy does.

Confused Asian: Wait, I thought "Man Laws" were real laws.

-ho plaza, heard by the stairmaster

Not in this lifetime

Dumb girl: Born again Christianity is the new black.

-mews, heard by mike

Wow, conceited and trashy

Girl: I always have these random people adding me as a friend on facebook. But sometimes I'm like, 'you're cute, i'll accept you'

-trillium, heard by taylor

It is called the cocktail lounge...

Slackjaw: Why's it so quiet in here!?

-uris cocktail lounge, heard by djbj

Why you'd want to be an AEM major finally explained

A Dude: I like business? Sometimes. But i like parties? ALL the time.

-johnson's business school, heard by boogie

Freshman are so...racist

Girl: Snoop Dog like, looks like a dog...

-rpcc, heard by suzuka addict

This poor man doesn't even enjoy grabbing girls' boobs.

Sorority girl: And what's with those guys who grab girls' boobs? It can't be that fun
Guy friend who wants to sleep with her: Yeah...it's really not

Later in the conversation...

Sorority girl: Why would he stop making out with her? She was like taking off his clothes...I'd say that was probably a good sign
Guy friend: Yeah...it was like "go team go!"

-commons, heard by scott

TI...and I don't mean the rapper

Girl 1: I wish my dad owned Texas Instruments
Girl 2: Wait, why's that?
Girl 1: Because then I would be really rich...and I would have all the calculators I wanted!
Girl 2: Oh my god, you're right!

-olin, heard by fultron

Clearly

Vice-president: ...we're all like kind of educated or whatever?

-meeting of a very well-known student organization, heard by babygirl

PS- The convo I was in? High Standards.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Sundays Suck

2006-10-22T20:52:00.000-04:00

Howdy all. Submissions have been down of late. I want to go back to the golden days of yore, when we were getting 4 or 5 submissions daily, not 1 or 2. So get your hearin' caps on.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Heidi? She hardly counts.

Loud girl on cell phone: And then he asked me what German people look like, and I told him, 'Well, I've never seen a German woman wear make-up.'... except for that one... yeah... no, not Gisele, the one who says 'Auf Wiedersehn.'

-law school, heard by hey, i'm german!

They should really work on a pimple remover function on digital cameras

Girl on Cell: Oh yeah, the pictures look great. I was up all night photoshopping pimples.

-tcat, heard by twombly

Only if you share, man.

Jockster: No, dude, you totally have to use a condom with a plastic vagina

-cook house, heard by hung

Note that it is under 30 degrees

Girl 1: How cold do you think it is?
Girl 2: Well it has to be less than 60, because when it's 60 degrees you CAN'T see your breath.

-uris, heard by paris

Too soon?

Girl 1: I don't know what his problem is. Columbus day? Like, whatever, it's a day off. I would celebrate Saddam Hussein day if I got a day off.

-wsh reading room [in response to columbus day protestor], heard by sitt

I've been meaning to meet you, I've got all this melted butter!

Guy on cell: Oh, so YOU'RE the one who likes horseshoe crabs!

-balch arch, heard by patricia

Weather is simple when you're a dunce

Freshman: Is New York City warmer than Ithaca?
Older Friend: Cities are warmer because pavement absorbs heat. Like the sun.

-tcat, heard by anonymous

LONG overdue update part 3: the last revenge

2006-10-21T13:31:00.000-04:00

Alright kids, should be all caught up after this. Submit chillens.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Sure man.

Dude on phone: Shrinkage, man, shrinkage... no, really... I'm actually a fuckin tripod... like a horse, dude... I swear, it was fuckin shrinkage!

-arts quad, heard by kaitlin

Oops

Drunk guy: Can I get a pack of cigarettes?
Hot truck guy: Can I see some id?
Drunk guy: Which one? 21 or 19?

-hot truck, heard by jack

How can you really know a person, anyway?

Girl to friend: You know it's like no matter how well I know the guy the night before, I don't necessarily know who he is in the morning.

-ctb, heard by nanners

That's a love triangle if I ever heard of one

Preppy Girl on cell phone: So Dave like had his head in Jay's lap and his butt was up in the air in like this weird triangle thing...yeah, I know...

-baker, heard by james

Aww, that's so sweet

Meathead 1 to meathead 2: Remember how special it was, the first time that we met?

-arts quad, heard by bjork

How can you eat ice cream that doesn't melt? Seriously people, stop eating Tasti D-lite. It's the most disgusting chemical cocktail to ever be called food, let alone dessert. You're not fat, you're not getting fat, and Tasti wont help you lose weight. Stop it. Real men prefer women who don't have tiny thighs but who have dignity, class, taste and self-respect.

Girl 1: What flavors [of tasti d-lite] do they have?
Girl 2: Oh, cake batter! I called ahead!

-collegetown candy and nuts, heard by the ear

Math Majors

Sorority Girl 1: These sushi only make me half full...
Sorority Girl 2: Really?? This pizza always makes me full.... you can have half of my pizza and I'll have half of your sushi and then... we'll both be three-quarters full!!!!

-trillium, heard by anonymous

What they're all thinking, always

Frat boy 1: I'm tired of doing my laundry.
Frat boy 2: If we all put our dues together, we could totally buy a slave!
Frat boy 3: Yeah, and we'd have enough for a really good slave.

-statler, heard by jc

Studying abroad

Brilliant Student #1: I think I want to go to Asia after college.
Brilliant Student #2: Why?
BS #1: Because I really want to improve my Spanish, and the best way to do that is to live in the country.
BS#2: That's a good idea.

-arts quad, heard by paralyzedindisbelief

Haha, fatty likes to eat air.

Broham 1: Dude look at how much air there is in this room.
Broham 2: Dude what if they charged money for, like, air?
Broham 1: Dude I wouldn't care, I'm not THAT fat.
*pause*
Broham 1: Dude don't you ever just want to like throw a knife up in the air above a crowd of people and, like, see what happens?
Broham 2: Totally.

-math class, heard by doppelganger

That's fucked up

Guy on cell: You bitch! You killed a pregnant deer!

-trillium, heard by boodyish

Incompetenepotism

Prof's daughter: See, I knew the translation, but I put true because it could mean this, too - and you took points off.
Prof: No, no, it's false. (Thinks). I made this test harder than I should have......don't tell mom.

-language class, heard by asma

Today, we are being the cool.

Worried junior: Oh my god Betty we are totally not sitting in the loser section today. Today we are going to be cool.

-trillium, heard by inthecoolsection

LONG overdue update part 2

2006-10-15T23:53:00.000-04:00

Oops, I lied. We're gonna break things down into 3 parts for ya.
Submit!
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Aw, please dude? It'll be quick, I swear.

Dude on cell: No, I really don't want to put your balls in my mouth, thank you very much.

-tower rd, heard by laura

FUCK! These are Cornellians ladies and gentlemen! Where's the outrage?

Gal: Oklahoma and Ohio, I always get those two mixed up.
Guy: Yeah.
Gal: Wait which one is in the middle of the country?
Guy: Ah, they both are, kind of.
Gal: Oh, well which one is a state?
Guy: Both
Gal: Yeah that's why I get them mixed up!

-ho plaza, heard by taranto

Way out in the water, see it swimmin'

Dame: Oh well what kind of music do you guys play?
Gent: Well, we cover the Pixies, like "Where is my Mind"
Dame: Ohhhh! I love that song! "Where's my mind, where's my mind, wheres
my mind"
Gent: Yeah, but that's not really how it goes.
Dame: Right, but I still love that song.

-stewart ave, also taranto

BRING IT BACK GIRL!

Bro: Hey come on, sit down.
Gal: Yeah sit down.
Drunk mess of which has just stumbled in: NO! (slams purse on table) I'M
BRINGING SEXY BACK!
Bro: Oh god, please sit down.

-ctb, also taranto

Me-ow

Table Dancer Wannabe: Hey why are you acting like such a slut?
Drunk Table Dancer: I fucked a Red Sox’s player and was Miss Massachusetts you fat ugly bitch!

-johnny o's, heard by entertained johnny o's patrons

A woman of high moral fiber

Girl on cell: Well, i don't care if they kill fucking humans, just don't fucking kill the worms!

-arts quad, heard by hearstoomuch

Do not give this girl a degree

Crowd of fans: Here we go Cornell! ::clap, clap, clapclapclap::
Dumb girl: Here we go what? OHHH, Cornell! I could've sworn they were saying Tarheels!

-schoellkopf stadium, heard by dues

Ah yes, many a polar wallaby I've hunted there

Dumb Girl: What are you wearing? It's only, like, fifty degrees out! You're dressed like you're in, like, the Alaska Outback!

-schoellkopf stadium, also dues

LONG overdue update part 1

2006-10-14T13:01:00.000-04:00

Well, it seems I've been slightly reticent in my duties. For this I appologize. I hope someday you will forgive me. There are about thirty overheards I have to post, so I'm breaking it down into two updates, one today, one tomorrow. Submitting pace has slowed down tremendously (this makes sense considering how few updates I've been doing) but please send in your overheards.
Ok, enough groveling. It's stupid time.
-the ear

Real friends keep creepy sexual pictures

Skeevy Guy: Do you mind if I show him a picture of you?
Cute Girl: What picture?
Skeevy Guy: Catholic School Girl.
Cute Girl: You still have that?!

-ctb, heard by bevans

Sound Advice

Girl on cell: Well if you keep blacking out you won't be a virgin anymore.

-west ave, heard by Brian

That's why I've been hooking up with so many boys! For my teeth!

Sorority girl: I hear seminal fluid makes your teeth whiter

-ho plaza, heard by doug

Fitness is very important

Nerdy Asian: I count playing Guitar Hero as lifting. It hurts my fingers so much!

-appel, heard by doug

Frat Boys definitely have Oedipal complexes

Frat guy 1: Dude, my dad is such a lazy motherfucker.
Frat guy 2: Dude, did you just call your dad a motherfucker?

-west, heard by doug

USA! USA! USA!

Girl on Cell: I mean, I feel kind of dumb, like, registering to vote and like not knowing what's going on and then, like, voting anyway. But I mean it's cool that I can vote.

-collegetown, heard by rv

Wednesday

2006-09-27T23:24:00.003-04:00

Hey all. Those of you who read by rss, do not despair, we don't know what the problem is right now but it's being dealt with. Sorry about the hassle of having to click to the actual website, but sometimes its good to expand your horizons. You know, get out of your comfort zones and really face life. You know, Face to Face. All John Woo style.

So much squirrels!

Nerdy Asian girl: No, the squirrels are totally different here. Its like they're on a new strain of crack!

-eng quad, heard by narcoticsanonymous

I don't have a habit of agreeing with sorority girls but...

Sorostitute: Upper classmen doing the walk of shame from north campus...now that is just plain funny.

-ho plaza, heard by lj

Kids, seriously. Use protection.

Girl on cell: I mean if I was a freshman I would've been all over him, but I'm not anymore and it sucks. Now I'm all paranoid about diseases and stuff and I can't just do whatever I want I actually have to think about things.

-engineering quad, heard by gladimnotoneofthose

DU! DU! DU!

Girl: Wait, is he in DU?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: I have to meet him!

-collegetown bagel patio, heard by the ear

Rofl

Girl: I dont type lol. I just laugh.

-collegetown bagel, heard by xcutterboix

Oh baby you look so good!

Guy: Oh those cinnamon things look so good!
Girl: You're so good! {long pause}
Girl: Yea sometimes these things just come out of my mouth...

-ho plaza, heard by anonymous

C- in Gender Studies

Guy: So male and female...are those races?

-d soc class, heard by

Submit!
overheardatcornell@gmail.com
-the ear

Computer back, Sun resolved, everyone jubilantly happy

2006-09-26T20:03:00.000-04:00

If I have learned one thing from not having a computer for a week, it is that I am sickeningly dependent on the thing. But now overheard is back, and with a vengeance. I promise this long a hiatus will not occur again (precluding all catastrophic computer meltdowns). Oh, and the problem with the sun is no longer a problem but a joyous solution. What's going to happen is that we're going to send Monika the best overheards from the week, and she's going to use a mix of ours and hers, and then reference this little blog at the end of the article. Dope solution, n'est-ce pas? Ok, lets get into em. There are a ton.

No no! Don't put that there!!! Just think WWJD!

Hip christian asian girl: He didn't DO it though did he?
Hip christian asian boy: Yeah, he did. he's so stupid.
Hip christian asian girl: I know. I mean, hasn't he taken sex ed before? Doesn't he KNOW where babies come from?

-outside uris, heard by thedoppleganger

True friendship means jumping on a vietcong grenade

Some guy: I talk about you behind your back because I'm your friend and I certainly hope that you do the same for me.

bebe lake bridge, heard by icertainlydothatformyfriends

*sigh*. If only.

Guy: So at this Texas Game Ranch, they release Emos and you shoot at them... I mean Emus.

-anthro class, heard by pace

A True Man

Real Drunk Guy with pink hat: You guys should totally use chop sticks,
it's so pussy not to.
Hippie: (light-heartedly) We're trying to save some trees
Pink Hat: Do you have any idea how many geese I killed today? 12.

-miyake, heard by hearing aid

Um...

Orgo Prof: We have partial superimposability of molecules, it's like being partially pregnant!

-baker 200, heard by opakapaka

Ok, technically not a Cornell student, but still hilarious

Hobo (gesturing to trash can): I was right! There's definitely a big hole in this thing!

-linden ave., heard by dek

DU! DU! DU!

Drunk guy: I could totally take on that tree, just level it.
Drunk girl: I think the tree would win.
Drunk guy: No, really, I think I could take it down.

-outside du, heard by kimothy

Hey! I walk on that quad!

Freshman guy 1: Hey dude... how many guys do you think have whipped out their balls in the middle of the quad?
Freshman guy 2: Uhh I don't know
Freshman guy 1: Cuz I just did!!!

-arts quad, heard by ann

Somewhere, a fairy dropped dead

Girl #1: ...but I don't want to look fake.
Girl #2: Well looking a little fake is normal because I mean it's normal to get plastic surgery.

-cascadeli terrace, heard by godspeakstomeontheradio

Slut

Girl: I mean, I agreed to play beer pong with him, but we're not like, dating!

-vet quad, heard by liza

Thank God for Vomiting

Girl 1 arrives at table with yogurt.
Thin Girl 2, though a mouthful of brownie: Yogurt is so fattening.

-trillium, heard by sff

I blame society

Girl: Why are we so bad at conversation?
Guy: We have to, like... like... like, I don't know.

-libe cafe, heard by sff

Thanks for putting up with the overheard-free week, and keep submitting!
Love,
the ear
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Crud

2006-09-20T22:43:00.000-04:00

Well, my computer has just bitten the dust, so Im here in the library computer lab updating overheard. Hopefully the fix will come soon, but until then, updates may be very sporadic at best. But please, please continue submitting. I will try to sign on again tomorrow, and check things out. Also, w/ regards to the Sun, tomorrow the issue may be resolved, or it may not. We'll see. Cross your fingers, kids.

Clearly a classics major

Freshman girl: I think they should like, abolish the letters delta, epsilon, and alpha and just give frats names. Otherwise it's too confusing. like, that frat should be called the "red house frat" or something...

-arts quad, heard by twombly

A man amongst men

Guy: I had sex in the hockey line. It was awesome.

-arts quad, heard by anonymous

What would happen if she was still there?

Guy (dials into cell phone): Hey man, so I just saw something incredible and I needed to call you. This girl just walked by, and she had some GIGANTIC KNOCKERS!...no, she's gone now.

-arts quad, heard by blah

Sleazy and Horny, however, didn't make the cut

Hot Truck Guy: So I have a question for you. We're trying to think of all the seven dwarfs and we only have five so far. We have Happy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc, and Sneezy. Do you know the other two?
Drunk Girl #1: Oh yeah, I've got this. I'm SO sober right now. Ok, so Happy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc, Sneezy, and... SNOOPY!
Other Drunk Girls: *cheer excitedly*
Drunk Girl #2: OOH! And the last one is... HUMPY! YESSSSS!
Other Drunk Girls: *cheering* Yeah, she got it! Woo!
Drunk Girl #1: Ooh, Humpy's getting some action tonight!

-hot truck, heard by alc

So much slugs!

Asian Girl: Dude, why do we have so much slugs?

-college ave., heard by rv

Sure it was the car, Romeo

Dudebro: I asked him to use his car this morning and he just came down in his boxers and pulled it out....the car! I mean he pulled out the car!

-uris, heard by rv

How exactly is this done?

Girl: Well, I guess I'll just pretend to hook up with him.

-unknown location, heard by slg

submit submit submit!
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Weekend Winddown

2006-09-17T23:32:00.000-04:00

We lost internet this weekend, but we're back and with a vengeance. Keep submitting, its the only way we'll every be happy.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Cornell boys on: Fitness

Dudebro: Dude. Girls don't fuck guys who are fours on the fitness scale. They want guys who are fitness TENS.

-college ave., heard by rv

Cornell boys on: Dating

Guy on Cell: ... you have to find someone who has already blacked out to strap it on to.

-buffalo st., heard by anonymous

Cornell boys on: Marriage

Hick: My mom always said that marrying your high school sweetheart is like buying something at a 7-11 before going to the Super Wal Mart.

-in a dsoc class, heard by superfan

Cornell girls on: Work Ethic

Girl: I think you can take classes pass/fail as long as they're not for your major or anything. I might take science pass/fail. And maybe math too...no, then I'll seem like a slacker.

-tower rd., heard by ned

Cornell girls on: Standards

Girl 1: So, I bought this new outfit the other day... I gave it to my roommate to try on cause I wasn't sure if I liked how it looked or not. But I do.
Girl 2: Why weren't you sure?
Girl 1: Well, my roommate is like 4'11'' and it looks good on her but I'm way taller and it looks really skanky on me.
Girl 2: How skanky?
Girl 1: Pretty skanky, but I'm going to wear it tonight anyway.

-bailey hall, heard by mobius

Cornell girls on: Dieting

Girl 1: So what diet are you doing this semester? low-carb?
Girl 2: No low-carb was last term. I'm just cutting portions this term. [To
barrista] Could I get a large mocha with whipped cream?
Girl 1: I thought you just said you were cutting portions?
Girl 2: I am. but the coffee is like caffeinated water here, so it doesn't
count. Besides, it speeds up your metabolism or something so it'll
come out faster. It's not how fast it comes in, it's how fast it come
out.

-trillium express, heard by skeetskeet

Cornell girls on: Directions

Drunk Girl: There's so many people and I need to tell you this... I'm like so confused right now I'm in the wrong parking lot. I like always go down the same staircase every night and it takes me to the parking lot but now I'm not there and I'm so confused. I went down like 6 staircases and I kept ending up in parking lots and I couldnt find it... DKE I'm trying to go to DKE tonight. Yeah its like the best place to go this time of night... You know J_____?? I LOVE J_____!! He wears like the bestest sweaters, pulls, fabrics!!!!

-libe slope, heard by demily

Cornell girls on: Sex

Girl: Don't go in there! That bed has Herpes!

-deleware ave, heard by morrow

Cornellians on: Romance

Guy: [in seductive voice] I have beer down my pants.
Girl: [embracing guy] I have beer all over my pants too. And that's awesome!

-statler, heard by morrow

Woah, those ones were great. Way to be guys.
-the ear

PS- Intrigue with the Sun continues. I approached Monika at a Daze party and told her to call me. She already had my number, so here's hoping she actually does it this week. It's clear that the higher ups at the Sun (both Daze editor Elliot and managing editor Michael) are acting out of the best intentions and want to see this resolved. So it's all on her. And we're all so sick of this, that if Thursday publishes again with no change, well then my lovelies, the gloves are off.

30 updates and going strong!

2006-09-13T23:48:00.000-04:00

Just a couple today. We've seen a drastic decrease in submissions of late. So remember: hear stupid thing, write email, grab 15 seconds.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Mad TV isn't even all that funny

Bro: Nah dude, they ALL sound like Miss Swan.

-the slope, heard by lillers

awe•some: 1. adj. Inspiring awe: an awesome sight

Bro #1: The other night I got so drunk ... I went on facebook and started
messing around and had no idea what was I was doing ... and I wrote on my
own wall.
Bro #2: Dude, that's awesome.

-wsh, heard by herbstie

Submit!
-the ear

Resolved! And new overheard!

2006-09-13T00:26:00.000-04:00

Good news: Sunday night I talked to the Sun's managing editor, Michael Morisy, about this whole conflagration. We're not exaclty sure what the extent of the solution is going to be, but the end result is certainly going to be positive, at the very least being the referencing of our site in the Sun, but in all likelihood, involving some sort of RSS feed through the sun and some more involved, well, involvement.
Thanks to all who wrote in support, its great to know there are so many of you out there. Thanks for reading and being loyal, we can finally get back to the business at hand: questioning the sanity of the average Cornellian.
Without further ado:

Clearly not a doctor

Guy on cell: I don't know man, I can't see how much you're bleeding so I can't help you there.

-collegetown, heard by the kgb

Finally, freshmen sounding intelligent

Girl 1: Shit.
Girl 2: Precisely.
Girl 1: Shit.
Girl 2: Punch!

-balch arch, heard by anonymous

Finally, freshmen sounding motivated

Guy 1 [talking about the lowrises]: We have a big screen TV but it sucks balls.
Guy 2: What? We only have a little TV.
Guy 1: Yeah, it sucks balls. The remote is, like, chained to the TV, so you can't even change channels from your seat! You actually have to get up to change the channel.

-tcat, heard by notquitethatlazy

Thanks again folks. Truth reigns supreme.
-the ear

Been too long

2006-09-10T10:59:00.000-04:00

So not only did the Sun not publish the letter (sent Tuesday) but 'Overheard: Eavesdroppers Welcome' published again with nary nod nor mention to this little blog. In any case, now we're sending an email to Monika herself, in the hopes that something rectifies this problem. If, however, we see three weeks without any mention, change or improvement?
I don't know. I don't even know.

Anyway, it's been a long while and we've got a ton of good uns. Check it out:

And they say our generation's not involved

Girl A: That's so leftist.
Girl B: Wait, which is left and which is right? Is democrat left or right?
A: Democrat is left...no...uh...no, wait, right. Yeah, they're right.
B: Yeah.
A: I always remember 'Democrats are right'. Republicans are wrong.
B: Haha, that's so bad.
A: Oh my god they are so dumb.
B: Hey--my mom is a republican.
A: Ha. It's OK, I'm sure she's centrist.

-class, heard by anonymous

Seinfeld is never a good sign

Girl #1: So did you hook up with that guy last night?
Girl #2: Yeah, but for some reason it reminded me of that Seinfeld episode about the woman who couldn't move her arms when she walked.

-engineering quad, heard by keds

I think he wins hands down

Drunk Guy 1: YEAH, Eli Manning is my dawgg.
Drunk Guy 2: Yeahh dude Eli Manning is the shit, he's gonna be better than his brother.
Drunk Guy 3: OH YEAH? WELL ELI WHITNEY IS MY HOMEBOY, HE INVENTED THE COTTON GIN, WHAT NOW?

-eddy st., heard by areyoufuckingkiddingme

Or maybe I'm just really drunk

Dudebro: So yeah, I have these dreams where I'm beating people up...I always wake up tired.

-libe slope, heard by twombly

I mean, yeah, but Jesus Christ.

Girl1: I have my final in Hollister. Where is that?
Girl2: Hollister? Isn't that a store?

-dorms, heard by foxy lady

Some context was provided, but ignoring it makes this EVEN FUNNIER

Student gluing letters: Oh no! The "E" is eating my colon!

-bulletin board, heard by foxy lady

College is confusing

Indian freshman girl: Hey, do you ever get invited to events for non-white people? Because I do all the time. I don't know what to do about it.

-ag quad, heard by the ear

Damn my erstwhile childhood!

Kid on cell: I would've been fluent in like 5 more languages if I had stuck with Muzzy!

-ho plaza, heard by benji

Reading this one makes you dumber

Girl 1: I'm going to New York City next spring.
Girl 2: Oh, for like, study abroad?

-vet quad, heard by liza

Ok, we received this one about two weeks ago and agreed it was totally fake, because everyone in it was too self-aware. But, after talking with the provider of the quote, we've been convinced of it's truth. Enjoy:
Crash

Freshman - Hey! Do you have a bandaid?
Sorority gal 1- What? Why would I have a bandaid
Freshman - Because you have a purse and my friend is bleeding
Sorority gal 2- Listen, we're [sorority name removed due to polite request], we have condoms in our purses, not bandaids
Freshman - Well my friend is losing blood
Sorority gal 1- Oh my god! Somebody call the hospital
Sorority gal 2- Quick! Does anybody have a sock? Seriously, we need to
stop the bleeding!
Sorority gal 1- Does anyone have a sock? Hey! Can we have your sock!
Gentleman- No
Sorority gal 1- Listen! Give us your sock asshole! This freshman is
losing blood!
Gentleman- No, it's my sock

-eddy st., heard by taranto

So kind

Enthusiastic Girl: No no, since "Butt-Ugly" is kinda mean, to be nice, you just say "Butt"

-ho plaza, heard by djbj

Wow.

Jappy girl: Hey, um..what IS this?

-SKORTON INAUGURATION, heard by areyoufuckingkiddingme?

Describing breakfast at Trillium

Frat head- Dude, this is so much better! They have, like, eggs and shit!

-trillium, heard by anonymous

Phew! Keep sending in your overheards, and if you have any advise/inside info on the sun thing, don't hesitate to contact.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Sun Update

2006-09-07T00:10:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone.
Here is a copy of the letter that I sent to the sun. As you can see, I tried to give a small slap on the wrist to the Sun, but then suggested pleasantly that we colaborate. I hope they publish the letter, but even if they don't, hopefully they will take some of the suggestions. I don't think this should be an issue, I've heard from multiple sources that Monika is a lovely girl, and I have no intention to make this a real problem for the sun or for her. How dope would it be if the blog was just straight up represented in the sun? It would be particularly dope.
-the ear

Hello,
I’m writing in response to a story published last Thursday entitled “Overheard: Eavesdroppers Welcome” by Monika Derrien. I manage a blog called Overheard at Cornell (http://overheardatcornell.blogspot.com) which has existed since April of 2006. Our idea was very simple, we took the format of the website Overheard in New York City and applied it to Cornell. So I was surprised, to say the least, when Monika’s article was brought to my attention, as it followed almost exactly the same format and content of my blog. While it is entirely possible that both of us came up with the idea independently, and no actual content was taken from my site, there are certain similarities I found disconcerting, particularly the email addresses (ours is overheardatcornell@gmail.com, hers overheard.cornell@gmail.com).
I know that it is not a huge conceptual leap to transpose the idea from New York City to Cornell, but when I started my blog I contacted Overheard in NYC, and made reference to it all over my page. The same was not done for me, and while this is certainly small intellectual property, I have put a lot of time and effort into maintaining this blog, and it was very frustrating to see this impinged upon.
This letter is not intended, however, to be accusatory or defamatory. It is instead intended as a proposal. Since we would otherwise be competing for a limited amount of content and readership, we should collaborate. At the very least, I think it would be more than appropriate to have my site referenced at the bottom of the article. But why not go much further? We could share a submissions base, and have the article include (but not be limited to) the best quotes of the week from the website. If Monika’s intent is indeed entertainment (as mine is), the website could end up being an archive and extension of her article. This would bring more readership and more submissions (the lifeblood of overheard) to both formats.
There is no reason for us to be competing for quotes, ideas, and intellectual space. Working together, we can make a funnier, stupider tomorrow.
Thank you,
the ear

Coupla days

2006-09-05T19:51:00.000-04:00

Howdy all, didn't get too many submissions, so we were waiting for them to build into a slimy pile in our inbox. Here goes:

Bubble tea makes you smartur!

Freshman girl 1 (sipping on Bubble Tea): What would you do if you got one of these but you ONLY had a small straw...
Freshman girl 2 (long pause): OMG I don't know

-north, heard by lillers

Are Mayor McCheese and the Hamburgler Bigmacivores?

Guy drinking tea: Seriously dude, come finals week I'll be living on this [tea] and tobacco. I'll be like, a herbivore or something

-libe cafe, heard by elf

Why they always gotta change a thing?

Freshman girl: I hate the new facebook!!!! It makes stalking less fun because they do it all for you!!!!

-goldwin smith, heard by lj

That guy always was sassy

Guy 1 (to guy 2): The problem is you're a little bitch
Card swiper: That explains a lot

-rpcc, heard by dj osep

Clearly a Gov. Major

Guy 1: FBI?
Guy 2: Yeah, man. Federal Bureau of Intoxication.
Guy 1: Is that... is that a real bureau?

-okenshields, heard by toby

Gotta love TAs

Math TA discussing the volume of the Earth- when you start in the center it's going to be very dense and as you go out towards the crust you're going to be adding less mass... because there are holes... there might be caves and and stuff

-class, heard by anonymous

Good work everyone, see you tomorrow (and look for our letter to the editor).
-the ear

Stolen!

2006-08-31T16:55:00.000-04:00

I dont know how many of you caught today's Daily Sun, or how many of you saw the new column by one Monika Derrien, but it was brought to my attention by a friend. The article is entitled 'Overheard: Eavesdroppers Welcome'. It reads like a bad update of this blog, with a cutesy little intro in which she tells us 'Look for more overheards every Thursday!' and then moves on to a couple of mediocre overheards. The article contains no reference to this blog and we were not contacted.
Sure, it's possible that she just came up with the idea on her own, but I find that fairly hard to believe. Especially given her email address is the ever so different overheard.cornell@gmail.com (I can imagine a Vanilla Ice-esque explanation: 'No no no, my adress is overheard.cornell, theirs is overheardatcornell!) Yes, that's right, we've been flagrantly ripped off, and by the Sun no less! A letter to the editor is currently in the works. It's very possible that her editors (or the entire editorial staff) were unaware of this blog, and if she had contacted us we would have been more than pleased to cooperate (I mean, think about the exposure) but in fact she just stole the idea, plain and simple.
I doubt the editors of the Sun wanted this, or would support this once they were made aware of the situation. But I just wanted you all to know we here at overheard were not involved and not contacted with regards to this article.
We'll keep you updated as more develops.
-the ear

PS- I gave you her email address with a knowing wink.

Fat Wednesday

2006-08-31T00:24:00.000-04:00

Looks like once again we're getting tons of overheards, so many that we can even be selective and just show you the really good ones. Keep it up kinder!

I imagine it said "jaw"

Freshman girl: Who's the ja?
Freshman boy: The hommie you get sent to if you're bad.

-risley, looking at a get out of J.A. free poster, heard by opakapa

No. No.

Guy: Oh, you're on the Sun - do you know the sex editor?
Girl: Yeah, she's like the sweetest girl ever!
Guy: Does she even have sex?

-eddy st., heard by anonybus

Cue the dueling banjos

Girl on cell : Wait, so what happened to our incest circle?

-outside ctb, heard by narcotics anonymous

Somebody's been to New York

Guy: This is just like the New York City subway!

-on the tcat, heard by mb

They totally stole this from the Man Show, but it's still kinda funny

Guy: We started a petition to end women's suffrage and like 20 girls signed it.
Friend: I think if you're dumb enough to sign something like that, you lose your right to vote anyway.

-okenshields, heard by anonymous

Ah, to be young again

Girl: I remember putting out

-thurston bridge, heard by the kgb

A true sushi aficionado would know

Gourmand: I always wonder whether imitation crab is a type of crab or like, actually fake crab. I think about it all the time.

-carol's cafe, heard by benji

Fight the system!

Comrade 1: I mean when you're that company trying to take down an american company...that's not an easy fight. You're fighting the core of american capitalism.
Comrade 2: Yeah man.
Comrade 1: Dude, you want to play some tekken?

-west, heard by benji

Great work all. Keep 'em coming.
Overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Catching Up

2006-08-28T16:17:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the long delay, the overheard offices have not had internet for a week, and a long anxious week it has been. We apologize sincerely for the break, and hope it has not caused anyone too much duress. But we're back online now (and hopefully for the rest of the year) with a big fat update. Enjoy!

Oh dear

Freshman texting: How do you spell Beer?

-outside CTB, heard by the ear

Yeah, that's it. It's definitely not you.

Girl: okay so with ________, our date went AWFUL, I took him home to 'show him my room' because he didnt kiss me in the car, and we get up there and he tells me he likes my shoes, umm..I think he's gay!

-plum tree, heard by areyoufreakingkiddingme

Atleast he's learned something

Freshman Guy: The girls here... Well that's it- its one week into school
and I am signing the resignation papers on my penis.

-north, heard by banks

Run, Florence, Run!

Freshman girl in heels: Look at me! I'm so good at heels! Look, i'm
running! She stumbles Damn it, oww...

Trust me, you didn't have to point it out

Girl: Oh, look, my boob is, like, falling out of my shirt.
Guy: Sweet.

-west, both heard by kimothy

You keep on saying that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Asian Girl: I hate that that's so Jappy here. I mean, at home it'd be like 'whatever you're in a wifebeater.' But here, it's like 'woah'.

-college ave., heard by the ear

Sophomore Awakening

Bro- Dude she is so hot
Dude- Dude, I know
Bro- But she's an upper classmen dude
Dude-We're upper classmen now, kind of
Bro- Yeah dude

-collegetown, heard by taranto

Alright all, that's it. Submit submit submit!!!
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Tuesday Two

2006-08-22T16:01:00.000-04:00

This is...awkward...

Bro: Dude, can I get a ride home? I...uh...peed on my keys.

-Dryden Rd, heard by the ear

Maybe you need lessons?

Boy 1: ...if she remembers and she's not upset, then I'll get laid again.
Boy 2: What happened?
Boy 1: She barfed while I was going down on her.

-Target, heard by Erica

Alright kids, let's get those submissions coming!
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Semester's First

2006-08-21T12:18:00.000-04:00

Welcome back everyone. With classes not yet begun, now is the perfect time to hear stupid things said by an unassuming populace, and thus a good time to start submitting. We've got one today to kick us off, email us some better ones!
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Orgosm

Nerdy Asian Boy 1: You're taking orgo? Oh my god, Orgo was the worst thing Ive ever done in my enitre life!
Nerdy Asian Boy 2: Really?
Nerdy Asian Boy 1: It wasn't that bad. Wasn't that bad.

-Ho Plaza, heard by the ear.

Summer Update 2

2006-08-09T16:13:00.000-04:00

Yeah yeah, I know, it's the end of the summer and you're really sick of sequels. But I forgot to post a couple of the really great submissions we got this summer, so, without further ado:

Philosophy 101

Guy: Given the pain of my last breakup, I'm reluctant to get into a relationship again.

Girl: That's why some people avoid serious relationships altogether.

Guy: Yeah, but at some point I'll be too bald to keep having casual sex all my life.

-libe cafe, heard by a sympathetic senior

Even frat boys get frustrated by how stupid some Cornellians are

Party Girl: Excuse me, but what does "roosh ta-key" mean?
Fraternity Guy: Huh? What are you talking about?
Party Girl: Your T-Shirt.
Fraternity Guy: That's "Rush TKE," as in "consider joining the
fraternity you're at right now"

-TKE party, heard by Brendan

End of Summer Summary

2006-08-07T18:46:00.000-04:00

As classes creep ever closer, and the specter of Ithaca looms larger, it's time to draw summer romances to an awkward close, scramble desperately for what tan can be gained, and resign yourself to another semester at one of the best institutions in the world, which still manages to maintain a thriving culture of alcoholism, ignorance and idiocy. Yes, Cornell is almost back in session, and so we here at Overheard are updating with what silly overhearings we've received over the summer. If you're new to the site (or the school, welcome freshies) this site is run by your submissions. It goes like this: you hear something stupid, you write it down or remember it, and you send it to our email address: overheardatcornell@gmail.com. Include anonymous nomenclature by which we refer to you, where you heard it, and, if you feel it needs it, provide some context. Alright kids, lets gear up for a long semester ahead of us! Be strong, we'll be hear for you.
-The Ear

I mean, we pay 30K a year, it's the least they can do!

Chick: These stairs are so steep!
Meathead: Yeah, it would be much easier if there was an elevator or
something.

-Climbing out of A GORGE, heard by Gremlin

Ivy League, folks

Jock: We're seniors now... let's fail our classes

-Helen Newman, heard by Steve_Heil!

Intelligence is for idiots

Girl: How is he so fucking smart?
Gay boy: All that energy that goes towards daily life, you know, washing clothes, cooking, socializing, goes into academics. That's why most professors own velcro shoes.

-Dryden Road

Welcome to Cornell, where even your tour guides are brilliant

Tour guide: (in complete earnest) So you may be asking yourself, how many books does Cornell actually have? 500? 600? No....7 million.

-Arts Quad, both heard by Sangria

Cell phones!

Girl yelling into cell: So how's the stripper roommate?

-Gannett, heard by CDC

Its been a short summer, but all of us here at Overheard have had good ones, and we hope you did too. When you get back to Ithaca, dont forget to submit!
Overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Last of the semester

2006-05-20T09:01:00.000-04:00

Hello Everyone. School is finally done, and it's time for a loooong vacation away from the violent stupid far above Cayuga's waters. And, sadly, it is also time for Overheard to take a well-earned break. If you happen to still be in Ithaca over the summer, submit, and we'll update every time enough responses build up in the inbox, but if you're going home, you're outta luck me pretties. But not to worry, next semester we're gonna be back in a big way, with some site improvements and a T-shirt! So have a happy, safe, and intelligent summer everyone. Thanks for submitting as much as you have, and get ready for many more years of greatness stupified.
-the ear

There is just no context for this one at all

Girl- I might do 69 by accident though.

-Mews, heard by Himay

Sometimes real friendship means a rim job

Girl: I was like, 'I'll wash your back, but you're scrubbing your own asshole!'

-Outside Ruloffs, heard by Byron

Sweatin' to the oldies

Guy 1: Keep up the pace! You'll never make it on Richard Simmons' video!
Guy 2: Richard Simmons?!
Guy 1: Yeah, I thought you were like his best friend!

-Corner of Williams and Highland, heard by spankypants

Ok, this lecture was kind of bullshit

Professor: It's possible the moon is made of green cheese. It's possible I am the moon! I don't think I'm the moon . . . it's possible that you are!

-Myron Taylor hall, heard by Chia the shrub

Thanks again for a lovely semester, we'll see you all in the fall.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Wednesday last

2006-05-17T21:05:00.000-04:00

This argument brought to you by Keystone Light

Brother 1: Oh i remember, that happened before you were really messed up.
Brother 2: No, i was already messed up.
Brother 1: But it was before the party started, you weren't really messed up.
Brother 2: No, i was messed up.
Brother 1: But you weren't really messed up.
Brother 2: But i WAS messed up.

-At Lamda Alpha Mu Epsilon, heard by Lillers

Sooo popular, its like woah!

Balchie #1: Omg, she is getting to be SO popular, she got 200 wall posts
on her birthday
Balchie #2: I know, SIX pages!

-Balch, heard by Lillers

Balch is on a role tonight

Balcher 1: What's going on tonight?
Balcher 2: I dunno, apparently everyone and their mom is going saki bombing tonight.
Balcher 3: Why are people's moms here?

-Blach, heard by anonymous

That's right, fight the monkey!

Bro: I'm so happy I dont even feel like drinking.

-Appel, heard by Riva

Smooooooooth operator

Bro: So do you like come here often?
Girl: Ummm no
Bro: I know that was a totally lame first question to ask you.
Girl: Yeah pretty much
Bro: Okay so if like you were going to start a conversation with yourself,
what would you say?

-heard at 'some frat party', by lbw

Alright all, good luck with what exams you still have. If, like me, you're done and done, enjoying deadbeating for a coupla days. Hey, your $40,000 deserve it.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Two days at once (sorry bout the lazy, everyone)

2006-05-16T21:41:00.000-04:00

Hello all, sorry about the delay, but we here at overheard are also in the midst of finals and not full of the kind of pep we would usually reserve for updating this fine intraweb infopage. Also, there have not been enough entries to justify a top-ten this week, so first week next semester the contest will return. Thanks to all who submitted favorites already, yours will not be forgotten or deleted, but if you want to submit again in the fall you're welcome too. Alright, here are the goods, kids:

Good luck getting Bob Sagat interested

Nerdy Asian Girl: They should make a Full House 2! I mean, I'd watch it!

-Appel commons, heard by the ear

Dude, totally hit that

Douchebag: Hey, how's it goin'? I feel like I see you all the time... just not in my room.
Girl: giggles

-In front of Olin Library, heard by ifoundmyshoesinadumpster

I hate losing things

Crazy ghetto girl : And i didn't even realize that I had lost the shit, and I was like yeah, and i was like yo, and i was fucking high.

-Donlon, heard by Narcotics Anonymous

We all need someone to bleed on

Sorostitute on cell: So Jon's nose just started bleeding. While we were hooking up. He was like, so embarrased. He like ran into the bathroom and wouldn't look at me. He hasn't called yet.

-Arts Quad, heard by C.M.K.

If two frat guys pass eachother in the woods, would it still be this stupid?

frat guy#1: Hey, man, what's goin' on?
frat guy #2: Just teabaggin'.
frat guy #1: The usual.

-Appel, heard by ad'a

Context: the boyfriend is attempting to pick something out from his teeth

Girlfriend: What?! Don't get mad at me! It's not like I put it there with my....x-ray HANDS or something!!

-Okenshields, heard by mel

Context: Ga'avah is a Jewish LBGT organization

Mensch: I think Ga'avah should have this slogan: "Love cock? Hate foreskin? Come to Ga'avah!

-Baker Dining, heard by Vitaliy

Context: This girl is really stupid

Blonde Girl: Are we gonna get dinner soon? But I have no meal plan left. So someone's gonna have to pay for me. Im not gonna eat, though.

-Outside RPU, heard by Charlie

God, stop cramping my style!

Salesgirl: would you like these in a pretty box or a clear box?
Girl 1: clear box [Girl 2 glares at Girl 1]
Girl 1: PRETTY, I MEAN PRETTY!!
Girl 2: why would you EVER choose the plain when you can have the
pretty?....come to think of it, that's probably why i don't get any dates.

-Wegmans, heard by mj

Using those AEM classes well

Girl 1: "... couldn't you, like, bribe your Dad?"
Girl 2: "With what? His money??"

-Ho Plaza, heard by D

Always good to see a principled purveyor of pork

Hot dog vendor: Are you girls in the hotel school?
Girls: No.
Vendor: Good.
(Serves hot dogs)
Vendor: I ask them how many cups are in a quart and they don't know. I ask them what the main ingrediant in cookies is and they don't know. They're lame. I tell them to go take some engineering classes and learn something.

-Commons, heard by Pendleton

Hey, only a couple days left to hear till we leave here (thank god) so keep up the good listenin'.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

What a Weekend

2006-05-14T21:42:00.000-04:00

Hello all, we have a pretty hefty weekend update for you, but we need to talk. We know you enjoy reading this blog and all, and that's great, really, but we'd really like to have a Top-Ten edition and a T-shirt. And who wouldn't, right? Only problem is, you guys haven't been sending us your favorite Overheards, and quite frankly, it hurts. One of our editors is already teetering on the brink of madness, sobbing that no one likes him and threatening to jab a q-tip so far down his ear all he can hear is James Cotton and Cotton-Eyed Joe. So please, don't subject him to such sixth-grade square dancing depths, and just submit your top ten. See the entry T-Shirt Contest! for more details. However, what you guys heard this weekend was quite impressive:

No, but there was that funny dog on the cover of Doggystyle

Drunk architecture girl on party bus: "Who would you kick out of bed: Leonardo from the Ninja Turtles or...wait, Snoop Dog's not a cartoon character."

-The Beaux Arts Ball, overheard by ad'a

Definitely a serial killer

Girl in Stall 1: I heard someone come in.
Girl in Stall 2: Really?
Girl in Stall 3: Yeah, I heard the door open.
Girl who came in the bathroom: RAAAAAWR [leaves]

-Goldwin Smith bathroom, 2:15 am, heard by anonymous

Hot Girl on Girl Action!

Girl: "Can I ... feel your thing?" [advances upon other girl]

-Goldwin Smith, 3 am, heard by anonymous

No, silly, she was drunk before the shrubbery came into the picture

Incredulous girl: "you got drunk in a bush!!!!!!??"

-Quarry St., heard by lj

I have to admit, I'm kinda impressed

Guy on porch: "My cock has touched everything in this house!"

-East Seneca, heard by K

I'd drive, but daddy took away the beamer after the third DUI

Sorostitute #1: Does this bus like go to RPU just on weekdays?
Sorostitute #2 (seated next to #1): Umm...I don't really know.
#1: 'Cuz like, I think it does, but then someone told me it goes on weekends too.
#2: Really? I thought it was just weekdays.
#1: Yeah, that's like weird...conflicting evidence or whatever you call it.
#2: I hope it goes there on weekends, 'cuz it would like suck to walk there.
#1: Yeah, no kidding, that would like totally suck. I hope it's going there.
#2: It would be stupid though if it went just on weekends though, right?
#1: Yeah...it's not like the buses are just for school.
#2: But there is no school in RPU anyway...well like, nothing but writing seminars.
#1: Yeah, but still, it would be so much better if it goes everyday.
Exasperated stranger: This bus stops at RPU on weekdays and weekends.
-- 25 second pause --
Sorostitute #3: Do you guys know if this bus stops at RPU on weekends?

-TCat Bus, heard by Scott

Oh gosh

Guy: So, I've determined that I definitely have an addiction to amphetamines
Girl: Oh?
Guy: Ha, yeah I woke up this morning and was sweating and shivering....but then I just took an Adderall and I was fine!

-Baker 200, heard by Methyl Grignard

Thankfully, it never strikes twice

Worker 1: When I load that thing [dish machine] I never stop.
Worker 2: Yeah man, Never stop.
Worker 1: I'm like lightning.
Worker 2: Lightning stops, dude. It's just really fast.
Worker 1: Well you fuckin' wise ass, I guess I'm like lightning that never stops. Go get me a doughnut.

-RPU Dishroom, heard by bs

Dont pull any punches

Dude on cell: You screw everything up you are worst social planner ever, and your hallmate smells very weird!! [pause] Pregame starts at 5

-North, heard by lj

They're like snowflakes, really

Girl on cellphone: Yeah.. did you know that there are different kinds of
vaginas?

-HILC parking lot, heard by marz

The key to this one is that on screen someone is performing CPR

Heavily accented loudmouth: She gives the heimlich movement!

-Pyramid Mall Movies, heard by Cinema xenophobe

Phew! Alright everyone, keep up the good work.
Overheardatcornell@gmail.com
And please submit your top ten!

Thursday

2006-05-12T14:31:00.000-04:00

Howdy Everyone. We haven't had hardly enough emails yet to justify a top ten or a t-shirt, so please please send in your 10 (or fewer) favorite Overheards, by title, to overheardatcornell@gmail.com. See more info in the last entry. Alright, anyway, back to the stupid.

Sound Advice

Yelling girl: Don't get raped!
Friend: Ok.
Yelling girl: Just so you know.

-Crossing East Ave, heard by Bibbs

Still can't face the thought...

Girl: Ewww! That's so gross! My parents don't have sex.

-Rawlings Green, heard by the ear

The OH makes all the difference.

Guy: [laughing] Yeah, they was playin the text message game, shit! [no one else laughs] Yeah, they was playin the text message game, oh SHIT! [friends crack up]

-Pyramid Mall, heard by duestown

Bro, fuckin', you could market that sign and sell it 'n shit

Guy: All these chicks come over and drink all my beer. And they’re not even hot. We need a sign at the door: ‘Ugly girls bring your own beer.’

-Libe cafe, heard by Allison

Busted

Guy 1: Dude, you need to try this new drink I made. You take lemonade, and mix it with root beer. It is sooo good.
Guy 2: You’re high, aren’t you?
Guy 1: ...Yeah

-West Dining, heard by dudeissick

Now normally, this one would require way too much context. And it was said in a chat room. But given how hilarious it is...
Tracy Mitrano sent out an email warning all users of the DC++ filesharing network about its illegality. In the midst of the ensuing chat room uproar, a telling observation is made:

Phisherman: Its like the end of the world the way people are downloading porn

Cues, once blank, were now crammed to the brim with hardcore anal action, extreme facial abuse, and deep deep double penetration.

-DC++ chatroom, read, transcribed and told by Trees

Wasn't that great? Now, submit your top ten! Come on, what's the worst that could happen?
And keep up all the good listening!

T-shirt contest

2006-05-11T11:06:00.000-04:00

Hello all! As the end of the semester draws nigh, we here at overheard have concocted a plan that should spin your bowtie for weeks on end. We're going to have a top-ten-best-of update of this, our first semester in existence, entirely chosen by you. How does it work, you may cry in disgust and anguish. Well Jimmy, it's really quite simple. You send any number of your favorites (no less than 2 no more than 10, please) as indicated by title (ie: Buzzed Aldrin, Actually, it's called gay-dar, etc) to Overheardatcornell@gmail.com, in no particular rank or order. Voting will close a week from today, Thursday May 18th. If we get enough emails, we will tally up votes and have a top ten edition.
But wait, here's where it gets spicy hot: The number one overheard will make it onto a T-shirt to be made over the summer and sold at a very reasonable price in the first couple of weeks next semester. Then you can walk around in the height of fashion, mocking the heathens with your every step, feeling super-fine because what you really really need is another snarky t-shirt.
Anyway, hope to hear from you soon with your favorites, and keep on listening!
-the ear

Pee Ess- If you are art inclined and find yourselves with a lot of time on your hands, either now or over the summer, and want to design a logo, that'd be amazing and a half.

Tuesday/Wednseday Twofer

2006-05-11T00:18:00.000-04:00

Dude, word, you gotsta have rules for the bitches

Jocky guy: you know, if some bitch is over at our apartment next year, and she's watching tv, and i'm like, bitch, give me the remote, and then she does, that's cool. but if she's like, no, then i'm gonna be like "bitch it's my house, get the fuck out or give me the remote" just like if the bitch is peeing in our toilet and i have to pee, she'd better fuckin' get up. if she's on the toilet and i have to pee and she won't get up, i'm-a kick that bitch out.
Group of guys: Yeahhhhhhh.

-Donlon 4th Floor Lounge, heard by Wendy

Actually, It's Called Gay-dar

-I could have picked any guy in the bar and I went straight to him. That's good 'guy-dar.'

-Uris Library, heard by anonybus

Always a good time for some gender reversal

Girl: I think it would be a great idea. If we all chipped in, we could hire a stripper
Guy: No, no, I don't think so

-Alice cook house, heard by rachel

This is a tall glass of man

Guy: If I were pregnant, first place I would go would be the hardware store to reassert my masculinity.
Girl: Wouldn’t you go to CNN?
Guy: After the hardware store.

-Ho Plaza, overheard by Allison

Worst break up ever

Blonde girl on cell phone: I mean, I'm not objecting to you, I'm objecting to society's opinion of you.

-Outside RPU, heard by Katherine

Good work, today has made our staff very proud. We're ever expanding, with livejournal feeds, facebook groups, and links all over the place. Email your comments:
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

(Slightly belated) Monday

2006-05-09T12:05:00.000-04:00

Grade Grubbing.

Guy 1: "I'd swallow for an A"
Guy 2: "What?"
Guy 1: "You know, like to help the professor out. if i didn't want to study and he was cool with that."
Guy 2: "Don't you think your girlfriend would mind?"
Guy 1: "Probably not"

-Apartment building lobby, heard by wj

Speaking from experience

Awkward Boy: That must hurt...like flossing your ass

-outside Donlon, heard by narcotics anonymous

Foreign languages are easy

Girl on cell: No, you gotta speak Spanish, we all speak Spanish, you gotta speak Spanish like us. (brief pause) Exactly, good boys speak Spanish

-near Dickson computer lab, heard by rj

Kids, use protection.

Fat Girl: But I didn't mean to get pregnant!
Guy: Yeah right

-C-town parking garage, heard by mina

Probably not

Girl: He's not in a frat!?!? Does he, like, know anyone??

-outside Dickson, heard by anonybus

Good work kindred spirits, we're starting to get a lot of submissions daily!
Keep 'em comin'
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Weekend

2006-05-07T23:54:00.000-04:00

Modern Dating

Freshman: I dunno dude, apparently I'm still her boyfriend or something.

-arts quad, heard by Sabrina

No, it's cool, I mean a real friend would, but whatever

Narcissist on cell: Hey man, i'm driving up this weekend to visit. You should totally throw a party or something while i'm there... no no, don't worry about it, man. I mean, I wouldn't expect you to go through all that just for me.

-Thurston bridge, heard by Sabrina

Modern Dating 2

Girl on cell: You mean your standards are higher? Cause for me it's like 'you have a penis? come back to my room!'

-Balch courtyard, heard by girl with standards

In communist russia, door slam you!

Guy: Jesus! Motherfucker! ... I just got stabbed by the fucking door!

-Outside Telluride, heard by dmc

Slope day!!!

Man just fallen off his bike: Sorry...I'm on acid!

-Outside DKE, heard by lj and rv

Alright kids, keep em comin!
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

New and improved Thursdays (now with more pep)

2006-05-04T23:04:00.000-04:00

Hotelies sometimes flunk culinary class

Girl on cell: Oh my god I LOVE making macaroni and cheese. [pause] Yeah but not shitty macaroni and cheese good macaroni and cheese. [pause] You know the kind that's really good with really good macaroni and really good cheese.

-Outside Uris hall, heard by dne

Wow

Sister 1: ...Oh, i thought you meant like you were in his classes.
Sister 2: No, i'm saying like i would classify him as being stuck in the eighties, or nineties.
Sorostitute: I would classify him as a 20 year old stuck in a 60 year old mindset.
Sister 2: I can picture him when he's like, 40 -
Sorostitute: psh i can picture him when he's like 80. UGLY. and FAT. (pauses) and I can't believe I made out with him.
Sister 2: Yea, neither can I.

-Appel commons, heard by Doc

Irony's so easy, Alanis.

Girl on cell: I dont talk on the phone that much

-East Ave, heard by the ear

Wonderbread wunderkinds

Girl 1: You're the coolest thing since sliced bread.
Girl 2: I don't know if I want to be the coolest thing since sliced bread that's a lot to live up to. I mean what's cooler than sliced bread?
Girl 1: [Long Pause] Crustless Bread!

-WSH, heard by dne

Potassium's brain food

Boy on cell (giving exam advice): Eat a banana. Do you have a banana? GO TO THE STORE AND GET A BANANA! Eat a banana and you'll do fine.

-Court, heard by bs

Big Red Broke

Girly Girl: You have 58 and you're bitching??? I have 25!!!

-Ivy Room, heard by allen

6 in one day? Good work kinder. Keep it up
overheardatcornell@gmail.com
And don't forget to include where you heard it!!!

One week old and still kickin'

2006-05-03T23:24:00.000-04:00

Buzzed Aldrin

Drunk Guy: Hey ladies, where are you goin?
Girl: Uhh, the moon
Drunk Guy: Oh yeah? If it's made of cheese i'll come with you. YOUR VAGINA'S MADE OUT OF CHEESE! [falls down hill]

-The Slope, heard by Wendy

Fuck School, Man.

Meathead: So hey, uh, did you guys have a test?
Friend: No, just a quiz.
Meathead: Just a fuckin quiz? Fuckin, what the fuck, man?
Friend: It was easy.
Meathead: Fuckin hell! Fuck that shit.
Friend: Yeah man, I gotta go to class.
Meathead: You fuckin tool bag, fucker ... Alright, see you later man!

-Balch Arch, heard by lillers

Food Sciences Majors

Sorority girl #1: But beer is really bad for you.
Sorority girl #2: I know! It's like drinking bread!
Sorority Girl #1: But like a WHOLE LOT of bread! Like a loaf of bread.

-Ho Plaza, heard by Katherine

I have a friend with a permanently broken toe, that shit sucks

Girl: How do you know if you break your little toe? You can wiggle all the other ones to check, but not your pinky toe...I think I broke mine last night. I stubbed it super bad. I mean totally mashed it.

-Kimball Hall, heard by bs

Good first week kids, keep 'em comin'
Overheardatcornell@gmail.com

All New Tuesday

2006-05-02T22:03:00.000-04:00

Eating is for fatties

Sorority girl 1: So, when she eats, she always gets one bowl of broccoli, and one bowl of something else she doesn't like, and one bowl of stuff she wants to eat. And she can't eat the good stuff until she's eaten the two other bowls and drank a glass of water.
Sorority girl 2: Oh my gosh, that's so sad!

-RPU Elevator, submitted by narcotics anonymous

Meathead berates raw meat

Oblivious Girl: I don't understand why they cook the meat dishes so fast, but the veggies dishes take so long.
Sarcastic Guy: I guess they want to make sure they cook the grilled cheese all the way through.
Oblivious Girl: Oh, that makes sense.

-Ivy Room, submitted by jw

Cornell University, ladies and gentlemen

Girl: You go to school? I never do that! Yuck!

-Uris library, submitted by wj

Hypocrites are HOT

Girl 1: He's just not cute at all!
Girl 2: I know, I told him he's not cute to his face.
Girl 1: No, he has a cute face.

-Ivy Room, submitted by the ear

Alrighty all, good work today. Keep it up.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Just another Manic Monday

2006-05-02T00:44:00.000-04:00

Cellphones make abuse convenient

Guy on cell: "I'm really fucking busy this week! This is fucking..busy..ness for me. [pause] Your roommate is stupid, ugly, flat-faced. [pause] Well, maybe if you spent one minute training her, just one minute! [pause] Hey, I've got an idea--I've got an idea: why don't you shut the fuck up. [hangs up cell]

-Engineering Quad, submitted by ad'a

Submit. One a day will not keep the morons at bay.
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Weekend Edition

2006-04-30T21:34:00.000-04:00

And who said this generation's apathetic?

Frat Boy 1: We should start a rally!
Frat Boy 2: Yeah!
Frat Boy 1: I don't know for what yet, but we should!

-Arts Quad, submitted by jb

Umm...

3 preppy boys walk in silence by listener. Suddenly:
Popped collar 1: NORDSTROMS!

-East Ave, submitted by rj

Facebook usage does not imply English mastery

Blonde on cell: I deleted you on accident!

-Outside CTB, submitted by dek + lj

College is so hard

Diva on phone: But I don't have any jean skirts that don't show off my ass!

-RPCC, submitted by bjh

Ok folks, time to submit and spread the word. Overheard can't exist without audience participation. Tell your friends, lovers, mothers and others.
K thanks
overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Thurs, hers

2006-04-27T23:32:00.000-04:00

Animal Science Major

Boy: It's a beanbag chair mom! A mouse could have figured that out.

-Court Hall, submitted by cde

Kids, shaving is important

Guy: You guys don't shave your legs!?!? That's Gross!!
Girl 1: Well, you dont shave your butt do you?
Guy: No. So what?

(1 minute passes)

Girl 2: Haha! You have a hairy butt!

-Ag quad submitted by rj

Alright guys, submit more more more! Overheardatcornell@gmail.com

Wednesday Wednesday Wednesday

2006-04-26T23:11:00.000-04:00

Teusdays are the new Wednesdays

Bro: Dude, I puked so much this morning!

-Thurston Bridge, 9:50 am

Heil Ezra!

Junge: I wonder if there were any Cornellians in the third reich?

-Oakenshields, 12:30 pm

The Female Body, Explained

Sorority Girl: What would the vagina look like in musical form? Like, a harp?

-Goldwin Smith, 1:45 pm

Cultural Awareness Appreciation

Asian Boy: You know, the typical rap song: "I'm gonna shoot you in the head 20 times, and then leave"

-Appel Dining, 6:20 pm

Alright guys, thanks for all who submitted today, let's get more good ones tomorrow.
Submit to overheardatcornell@gmail.com
Include a nickname or initials and we will credit you for your excellent ear.

First overheard! 4/25/06

2006-04-26T00:30:00.000-04:00

The Engineering Quad, my dear

Asian Girl: So where do all the hip Asian boys hang out?

-Appel Commons, 7:15 PM

Overheard at Cornell

2006-04-26T00:02:00.000-04:00

Hello all. This blog was created in the interest of serving the good students, faculty and staff of Cornell University. As you probably know, Cornell is an Ivy League institution, and a college of great repute. And so you may be surprised, as you amble about your daily ivy-shagged business, to hear some of the stupidest, most inane, wealth-bred empty-headed buffoonery to ever be uttered by a college student, let alone a theoretically intelligent one.
This site, modeled after the great Overheard in NYC (http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/) hopes to document the promethean babblings of uncouth youth culture at its most grotesque. Exaggerating, of course. But when that asshole next to you in the dining hall points to a sign saying May Contain Nuts and yells: "Yeah, may contain DEES nuts" (the interaction which inspired this humble servant) please consider jotting it down and sending it to us.
Either leave it in a comment on an earlier posting, or email it to overheardatcornell@gmail.com
Hopefully, since we can't beat em, the literate (and yes I mean those who can read) among us should join together and have a good, $40000 laugh as we realize that their AEM diploma is going to take them a lot further than we'll ever go.
Welcome, and happy hearing.