1 more day of classes folks. You've survived like the best of 'em. Here is a tremendous update a week overdue. Enjoy my little pushkins.Having to quartercard totally sucks
Kid with costume: Here you go (tries to give a flyer to some girl).
Asian girl, politely: No thank you.
Kid with costume, quietly: Okay, fuck you then.
-ho plaza, heard by chief mulletMooom! Why you always gotta talk about vaginas?
Visiting mom with two sons, looking at sculptures: Oh my god, they look like fucking vaginas!
(Boys laugh nervously)
-outside sheldon, heard by the janksterName changed for model's protection
Sorority Girl, post CDL: that guy was like, 'some of those models are men,' and i was like, 'oh my god, that's Sarah!'
-barton hall, heard by rvHell hath no fury
Girl #1: The past hour has been crazy!
Girl #2: I know! I ain't ghetto, but that girl was cursing at me, and I was about to beat her ass.
-ag quad, also rvAll I care about's Wyoming. Good ole Wyoming.
Girl: I know where Connecticut and Rhode Island and Massachusetts are, all
those little states, but they mean nothing to me.
-college ave, also rvWait till you see the people living in em
Visiting Dad: Wow, those are some ugly brown dorms down there.
-top of the slope, heard by cat
Dude, I told you to drop it! Oprah's lost the weight, and she's keeping it off!
Shallow guy: She is fat.
Friendly guy: (laughing) Dude, that's a little harsh.
Shallow guy: Seriously, all there is is fat.
-west campus, heard by kimothyI think it had to do with Jerry and cats or something
Drunk girl screaming: I've got rules! Rule #1 - Jerry is a pussy! Rule #2 - Jerry is a pussy! Rule #3 - ... um, I forgot where I was going with this.
-harvard st, heard by lolaAs an English major I should take offense, but...
Guy: So, what's your major?
Guy: Really? Wow, you're really fuckable for an English major.
Girl: Uh, thanks...
-linden ave., also lolaOMG! ROFL!
Asian chick #1: So I was like I don't get it, you know?
Asian chick #2: Yeah the TA was using like totally big words!
Asian chick #3: Oh my god guys!! That's just like in Clueless!
-asia noodle house, also lolaOh, those wacky Japanese!
Prefrosh' dad, to his family: Maybe if you fail you jump into the gorge, you know, like the Japanese.
-thurston ave. bridge, heard by yixDude, you're too good for them anyway
(Three girls in high heels and short skirts walk by)
Chubby Guy in Lacoste Sweater: If i were twenty pounds heavier, went to community college, and was a complete loser, I'D TAP THAT.
-dryden, heard by lilichkaGuys actually love this
Sorostitute 1: ...God, you must have been, like, beyond wasted.
Sorostitute 2: Yeah, I like, totally molested this guy.
-foot bridge, heard by lindsayNot if Allah has anything to say about it
Girl: I'm so dumb at world culture, like I can't name the capitals of anything...like..what's the capital of Israel?
Girl: (interrupts him): Wait...is Israel...a country?
-bethe house, heard by dj-meeI think it has something to do with vacuum tubes...
Girl 1: Do you know who's playing at slope day?
Girl 2: T.I and TV on the Radio
Girl 1: Wait..how can they play TV on the radio?
-slope, also dj-meeHa! Burn!
Girl 1: Hey, how was that seminar about sex?
Girl 2: It sucked. I already knew everything she said
Girl 1: You whore.
-mac's cafe, also dj-meeDon't worry babe, I would never leave you for a camel
Boyfriend: Hey, did you guys go see the camel?
Girlfriend: No, where is it?
Girlfriend's friend: Don't even bother. It's so ugly. It looks so out of place, it's probably thinking "what the hell am I doing in ithaca, I could probably be scoring hot camel chicks in Egypt or something"
Boyfriend: That's what I think everyday
Boyfriend: Don't worry babe, I'm sure he'll get laid by another loner camel in Ithaca.
-willard straight, also dj-meeGrad school haze
Girl: I thought I was in high school until like, yesterday.
-ciser, heard by saywhatWell, I am, but fuck them!
Girl running, on cell: I ran away from all of them cause they thought I was drunk!
-dryden rd, heard by markWait...I think I messed that up...
Girl: I'm as straight as a girl who doesn't like boys!
-eddy st, heard by anonymousPoor Ithaca College...
Sorostitute, on cell phone: So tomorrow is Alpha Delt's party of like, the year. It was written up in Playboy as THE Ivy League Party! But you don't have to worry about competing with that because (loud whisper, looking around) you don't go to an Ivy League school...
-footbridge, heard by lindsayThat would make them more creepy, not less
Girl: I wish puppets could pee their pants.
-libe cafe, heard by acb
Just like Jesus would have wanted
Girl 1: Did you have a good easter weekend?
Girl 2: Well, I decided to celebrate the ressurection of my lord and savior by sleeping with a jew.
-ivy room, also acbIf you don't know, you got none
Girl [distressed]: I don't know how many bitches I have!
-balch (ha!), heard by queer engineerOnly to his ass
Girl 1: It's weird that I keep calling him my gay friend when he's actually hooked up with a lot of my friends.
Girl 2: You call him your gay friend?
Girl 1: Well, not to his face.
-dickson elevator, also queer engineerWhat happens when Frat Boys grow up
Girl: All the parents are WASTED... did you see them when the band played 'Shout'? It was a MADHOUSE in there.
-parents formal, heard by megDropped the ball on that one
Sorority girl: What does a gay horse say? [pause] "Na-ay!"Minutes later
Sorority girl: Oh wait shit, it's (in a "gay" voice) "He-ey!"
-becker, heard by ad'aMore horses!
Guy #1: Horses have huge teeth.
Guy #2: If you say so. I guess I haven't been around enough horses.
Guy #1: And they really like fingers.
-stewart, heard by rv
I cant carry the mean all by myself!
Bearded Math Major: I thought the mean would be a lot higher because that class is filled with math majors with food in their beards.
Engineer: Dude, there's food in your beard.
-duffield, heard by dougNothing quite shouts small penis like:
Guy: I'd tell you how big my penis is in centimeters but I don't know what 11 times 2.5 is.
-dickson (ha!), heard by fangFuture lobbyists
Clueless girl: Doesn't pot just make you feel like you're spinning?
Pothead: Yes, then we'd need to ban all small children from spinning. In fact, spinning is the gateway to smoking pot.
-rpcc, heard by fangDo they have Twinkies?
Girl 1: I always like the vegetable wraps
Girl 2: Nah, too much fresh stuff in it
-trillium, heard by elainiac
Wowza Yowza! That there's a lot of them overheards!
Submit me more or Ill bite you.